I know I have been quiet on the blog front in the past 1-2 weeks, but a lot of things have happened during that time:  2 of my friends (one guy, one girl) got engaged last week, one just had his first kiss and first make-out session ever (he’s 22), another one has become proficient at making girls come over the phone (even though he’s a virgin), and one finally got closure on his relationship with a girl who cheated on him and who has been pregnant for the past 4 months (sigh, the hazzards of a long distance relationship…).  As you can imagine, these kind of stories gave me lots to talk about but very little time to write.

Anyway, I took a hard look at the kind of men who enter the Pick-Up Artist Community (PUAc) and came up with the following 3 categories:

1. Men with little or no sexual experience
2. Men who have been hurt in the past or who are afraid to be lonely and want to improve their romantic life success
3. Men who are doing fairly good with women but want to have more choices in the types of women they date
4. (Women who want to learn more about  themselves)

After talking and meeting many guys in the Community for the past 6 months, I will say that category 1 and 2 are the hardest to coach.  Let me explain.  To become good at anything, there are 3 things you want to take care of:  your action, your identity and your beliefs.

Vin DiCarlo eloquently explained in his Dating Diablo audio program how beliefs, action and identity affect each other:

Your real life experience has influenced your thoughts.  Your repeated thoughts have become beliefs.  Those beliefs in turn create feelings, which motivate actions.  Actions can become habitual, which leads to you forming a certain identity, or an internal “I am X” statement.

Men with little or no sexual experience have to learn to master all 3 facets of the triangle.  Not only do they have to recognize the kind of value they can bring to a woman (confidence, self-assurance, warm dominance) but they also have to internalize the right beliefs about women (not the kind spread out by society as common knowledge like being -too- nice to get a woman to like them or that women don’t like sex as much as men) and then become more experienced with doing the right action (holding a good conversation, relating to a person, kissing, calling/setting up the date, escalating to sex, and sex itself).  The good thing about these kind of men is that they have a clean slate from which they can learn good habits, unless they have been hugely influenced by societal, religious or family values when it comes to sexuality.  I believe they can progress very fast if they find a good 1-on-1 coach or person to model after. 

Side comment:  Not to disrespect people who value their virginity, but I have seen some pretty skewed beliefs when I browsed the virgin forums one night out of curiosity.  Virginity is not something that should be taken lightly but is in no way the Golden Grail that it is made out to be where one person gives himself/herself away to the other person, especially when you consider that marriage can’t even guarantee that a couple will stay together forever “til death do us part.”  Don’t lose your virginity carelessly, but you don’t have to wait until marriage unless you want to.  Sex is an important part of a successful long-term relationship and there might be some advantages in making sure that you share a little bit of sexual chemistry before marriage.  Compare that to the beliefs of this sexually liberated woman at Dirty, Filthy, Princess blog or of the girls from Tynan’s Angels. 

Men who have been hurt in the past or who are afraid to be lonely can also have a hard time maintaining good and healty relationships with women just because they have to erase parts of their negative thoughts or habits.  They typically have to correct 2 of the sides of the triangle before they can truly build a good foundation back up.  These guys could definitely benefit from a personal friend or coach who is willing to give them extensive guidance.  However, some of the more inner game intensive change has to be self performed.

Men who have had success with women and who just want to increase their choices in the types of women they date need the least amount of coaching.  Usually, reading some books or watching some videos might be enough for them to improve but it might not be enough for them to reach the next level.  A good coach can teach them and help them get their questions answered in the fastest and most efficient way.  The nice thing about these type of guys is that they will know how to apply the techniques very quickly because they don’t have to spend an immense amount of time trying to understand or intenalize the theory.  These men should probably consider phone coaching first, before signing up for a weekend bootcamp.

Are you trying to promote or sell bootcamps?

No, I’m not officially teaching for any seduction companies at the moment and I wouldn’t even dream to do so.  I don’t think I’m good enough for that yet, even though I have had people tell me I should.  It may seem that I refer to a lot of material from DiCarlo Diclassified, theApproach and Charisma Arts but it is because I like what they teach.  I don’t get any referral fees from them though.

What should my expectations be if I sign up for a bootcamp?

It really depends on what you are trying to achieve.  Each company tries to give you the most tools for you to become successful in your dating life.  Each company also tries to impart on you a varying degree of knowledge on action, identity and beliefs.  You will be most satisfied with the company that matches your current perspective on dating and that can help you “fix” your most immediate deficiencies.  It is irrealistic for you to think that a bootcamp is a quick fix pill.  So if you are a virgin, taking a bootcamp does not mean you will get laid that weekend (even though that can happen). 

If you don’t know what companies are out there, go read my post on The Seduction Community:  A Confusing Mess.  It will give you an idea of what the current major companies out there teach.  Also, take a look at their support system after you take the bootcamp.  All companies have an alumni forum, but do the alumni ever hang out together?  Are the alumni the kind of people you’d be comfortable introducing to your friends and families?  If they are not, the method they are teaching may not be the one you want to learn from.

Remember that you will get out of the bootcamp what you put in.  If you like to be pushed, make sure your instructors know.  If you have a specific goal, let them know as well.  It may be hard for you to believe considering your instructors are supposed to be social geniuses, but they really can’t read your mind.

Will you coach me?

I do not consider myself a PUA.  I do have an active social life but I can’t say that I go pick-up women every weekend like some of these guys do.  I can however give you quick pointers if we ever meet.  Who knows though… maybe one day I’ll choose to live the lifestyle of a full-fledge PUA.

Will you marry me?

If you are a woman who likes to take care of herself as much as she likes to take care of her man, how about we meet first?  Just be forewarned that I’m expecting no less than 6 kids! ^^  If you are a man, sorry… I don’t lean that way, but you are more than welcome to try to convince me otherwise. lol.

Rate This:

 Loading ...

This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 10th, 2007 at 1:48 pm. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a comment, or trackback from your own site.