If you have been studying male-female dynamics for some time, you understand the importance of touching when you’re meeting someone new. 

Touching, also affectionately called kino (short for kinesthetic) by the Seduction Community, establishes a sense of comfort and trust in the person you are talking to (which in the end, makes you seem more attractive). 

A new study reinforced this notion as it reported that a man increased his success rate in getting a woman’s phone number because he touched her lightly on the arm.

So far, this was nothing new to me.  Every Pick-Up Artist (PUA) worth his weight would have told you to approach within half an arm’s length distance to facilitate kino.  Having been raised in France, touching was the most natural thing for me.  I never had trouble getting people physically comfortable around me.

However, like most guys, escalating to kissing was a tad bit more challenging when I started getting involved in the Community a long time ago.  Not only did I need to be close enough to make the kiss a natural progression in the interaction, but I also wanted to make sure it didn’t feel awkward.  What I quickly learned from theApproach’s bootcamp was the use of more incidental kino to establish greater physical comfort.  At the time, I thought this was the solution!

I did more incidental kino with more girls that I can remember.  Girls would feel extremely comfortable around me.  We’d be having fun and we’d be very close to each other but something was still missing.  Even though I would have the girl’s face no further than 10 inches from my own, I didn’t feel the desire to kiss her or perhaps, I didn’t sense that SHE wanted to kiss me.  It really didn’t matter how I rationalized it:  maybe I didn’t like the girl that much, maybe I was scared, or maybe I didn’t want to risk being rejected… whatever!  Something still felt weird.  I wasn’t getting as many kisses or makeouts as I could and I wasn’t about to try Mystery’s “do you want to kiss me?” close because I hated that line. 

Then I read Vin DiCarlo’s Escalation Ladder and his take on sexual tension.  I looked back at my experiences and remembered that some kisses I’ve had felt very natural whereas some felt like “try-hard.”  That’s when something clicked in me.  I realized that all the kisses that felt unatural were with girls I have incidentally touched all over the place EXCEPT in the face/neck/hair area.  Touching these areas would definitely make kissing simpler.

In my quest of making kisses and makeouts as effortless as they can be without using gimmicks, games or tricks, I also realized I needed to build more sexual tension prior to the kiss.  Yes, I needed to make the girl feel more aroused so that she’d want to kiss me.  Even though I have read Juggler’s sexual barriers, I admit that I have only used them sparingly.  Something about telling the girl I wanted to kiss her before doing it didn’t appeal to me as much as just doing it.  So for me, creating sexual tension through sexual state transfer and body language like Vin preached sounded like the right thing to do.

Well, I have been using sexual language and sexual tension for months now and everything is working great.  However one night, I ended up talking with my roommate about touching and kino distance.  Even though he has some shortcomings, I consider him a natural (the fact that he’s half black makes him a natural by default LOL).  He said something very simple: 

I like to talk to girls in their ears.  If you have bad breadth, they won’t notice it.  If you are in a loud club, they’ll still be able to hear you.

God damn!  Couldn’t he have told me this a long time ago?  Yes, it’s easy.  I’ve done it subconsciously before, but now I do it intentionally. 

If you like a girl and are getting personal with her, slowly get closer to her and speak in her ears.  This will create immense opportunities for you to get incidental kino in more errogeneous zones (like the breasts, the inner upper thighs or the lower waist/stomach) and for you to create intense sexual tension. 

There is something magical about being that close to her face, neck and hair.

At that distance, eye contact becomes unbearably arousing and her moist lips are only moving an inch or two away from yours.  Feel the moment and let the magic happen!

“OMG, it just happened!” …again.

Oh yeah… don’t forget to check out this beautifully written piece: 
The Kiss by Rob Overman

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, June 20th, 2007 at 2:23 am. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a comment, or trackback from your own site.