A few days ago, Darren/rev7 and I sat down on the outside patio at the Coral Tree Cafe in Brentwood . We were meeting David Wygant for lunch. As I mentioned before in my previous post about him, David is a really fun and chill guy so I was more than happy to hang out with him again.

Darren had never met a professional dating coach or any of the pick-up gurus before so he was pretty excited to have the opportunity to do so. A few minutes later, David strolled around in whitish capri pants, a pastel earthy-colored t-shirt, sunglasses and his dog. He looked casual and stylish. For being 45, he definitely had a younger vibe going on. There’s just something charismatic about him. Daphne, his dog, was really really really cute too! As she laid there on the pavement near the steps of the restaurant, women just kept coming around to pet her. Forget card tricks, magic, palm reading or “peacock” clothing! How’s THAT as a prop to meet people?

Anyway, we didn’t pay much attention to the women at the time. We were here to enjoy our lunch and let me tell you, that restaurant is GOOD. I’ll be coming back in the near future. So……… OK, I lied. I did notice the women there too. While eating, I couldn’t help but notice all the pretty girls who were wearing sun dresses that day. So yummy! Having nice “landscaping” always makes the experience more enjoyable ;p

As you can expect, we did our usual guy talk. We talked about sports. Yeah, erhmm, not really… None of us knew much of anything about sports so instead, we talked about the birds and the bees. It was really fun because conversation become easy when you surround yourself with interesting people. That’s when I had a moment of clarity.

There is a difference between being a pick-up guru and a dating coach. I really don’t consider David to be a pick-up guru. When I talk to him, he really takes meeting women on a new level. He sees the big picture and goes beyond the pick-up because pick-up… is just one part in the whole dating experience.

In a way, pick-up is about getting the lay in the fastest and most efficient manner. While doing the pick-up, finding things you genuinely like in the other person are sometimes deemed second thoughts to getting her excited and aroused with you because any relationship after the lay is optional. If you do want a relationship after the lay, you then need new techniques to keep the woman around in your life (Can you guys say “anti-flake game”?)

When you take a dating approach, you enter the interaction with the desire to keep the woman around in your life from the beginning (even if the intent is for an open or casual relationship) so all the techniques are tailored to get the girl attracted to you in a more meaningful way. How is the woman going to fit in your life? Having some form of connection becomes important. Getting the lay fast is good practice but can be stretched with good use of sexual tension.

For me, pick-up gurus are like martial arts masters. They each have a method or a style. Once you choose a master (and hopefully you chose a good one who fits your desired goals), you are broken out of your bad habits and are taught to conform to the method. Your natural talent and strengths are not taken into consideration until much later, when you have proven that you have gained a clear understanding of how to proficiently use that method. By choosing a style, you accept yourself as a student of that master and you spend many months and years learning to mimick and clone yourself after him. Of course, you may decide to practice various styles simultaneously, but in the end, you are the one having to learn to mesh everything you have learned into one cohesive and functional method that works for you.

Dating coaches on the other hand are more like consultants. They don’t want you as a student. They want you as a client. They come in, look at what is working and not working in your life, and offer you a customized solution to get it fixed. Everything is based on assessing your strengths and weaknesses and building upon that. What you learn are tools and techniques that are meant to make things work best for you, and only you. In a way, dating coaches are closer to mixed martial artists. If you wanted to disable someone, you can do move A, B, or C and it doesn’t matter if it comes from Karate, Kung Fu, wrestling or Jeet Kune Do Jujitsu as long as it works for the type of person you are.

It’s also interesting for me to note that a lot of pick-up gurus are only known through their pseudonyms. It’s like they feel the need to protect themselves from the social stigma of being a player behind a fake identity whereas most dating coaches have no issue being known by their real name. They may be players too, but somehow, their teachings are considered more acceptable by mainstream society.

Anyway, what are you in the Seduction Community for? Are you learning to pick-up better or are you learning to date better? Pick your poison. There’s no right or wrong answer but who you decide to learn from will affect significantly what you find will work for you.

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