I don’t know why but lately, I find myself attracted to women older than I am. If you asked me 2 years ago if I would date an older woman, I would probably have completely rejected the idea. At the time, I loved the girliness of younger women. They were cute, sweet and innocent-looking. However now, I am completely open to it. I like the fact that older women are more confident, they play less games, and they are just more sensual/sexy!

So what changed?

I realize that my preference of the time was based on my own perception of what I could get. It is, once again, the concept of attainability that theApproach teaches. I just couldn’t see myself with an older woman so I didn’t allow myself to be attracted to one.

theApproach explains that attainability is composed of 3 elements:

1. Compatibility: Can someone like me get someone like him/her?
   Look for similar backgrounds (ethnicity/race, religious beliefs, upbringing, language…), similar friends, compatible goals, age proximity
2. Respect: Will he/she respect me as a friend?
   Are you interacting with the other person casually like a friend? It’s not good to put the other person on a pedestal.
3. Legitimacy: Is this for real?
   Behave genuinely and have self-respect. Don’t put on your social mask to impress him/her.

Basically, on the age issue, I didn’t even get past #1 in my mind.

Now that I know that, how do I apply the concept of attainability to appeal to a wider range of people in my dating life? Well, if I was to borrow David Wygant’s way of speaking, I’d say I need to create a more vivid and enticing picture of myself in which the woman can see herself.

You don’t want to be dishonest with the kind of people you like but if you want to date an older woman, present yourself in a more mature/responsible way but at the same time, make her feel young and closer to your age. For example, let’s assume that you are 27 and you are in conversation where age comes up.

You: So how old are you?
Her: 34.
You: Oh wow, I would have never guessed. You still look so young and beautiful.
Her: Thank you. You are so sweet. How old are you?
You: 27 but interestingly, I usually like to hang out with friends your age. [insert a story of an ex-girlfriend or of a friend similar in age to her with whom you get along very well to illustrate that you mean what you say]

By understanding attainability, there is no reason for you to use humor to dodge the age question. Be confident in your ability to appeal to the woman, no matter your age or background. After the above conversational exchange, any objection the woman might have had on the age difference is strongly diminished. Because you didn’t make a big deal out of it, age becomes a non-issue. You painted yourself and her as compatible. I’m sure you can see how you could replicate the scenario if you were to flirt with a girl younger than you.

The concept attainability can apply to so many more things. Have you ever noticed how you can auto-magically get an instant connection with someone when you both realize you share something obscure in common (like you both speak French, or you both like this weird random movie for example)? That’s the power of attainability.

We feel attracted to things we think we can get, to things that are familiar to us, to people who are like us. Yes, we can also feel attracted to things that are apparently opposite to us but they still need to be within our perceived reach, within our stretched level of comfort or interest.

Going back to the age topic, what can we learn about age differences then?

I have spoken with both women who like younger men and women who like older ones. The typical reason for a woman to like a younger man is that he appears to be more vibrant than his older counterparts. He is filled with life and energy. He makes the woman feel sexually alive and young.

On the other hand, women who prefer older gentlemen tell me that these men come across as more masculine, more dominant. They are more confident, more grounded, more secure and comfortable with themselves. They seem to have a stronger sense of purpose and direction. These men make the woman feel sexually more feminine because they take charge. They lead.

So tell me. Why do you like to date the people you date? How does age play a factor in your sexual partner decision? I look forward to reading your comments.

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