Are you just giving yourself excuses?

When learning to meet women and making connections, some guys don’t push the interaction very far.  When I was helping David Wygant on his bootcamp over the first weekend of December, one client could approach anyone I pointed out but would not carry the interaction into the personal stage.  He would fluff and talk about very general stuff that were fun but he really didn’t lead it anywhere interesting.  He would talk for 5 minutes then leave.  Eventually, I asked him:  “why aren’t you going further with this interaction?  The woman was obviously enjoying your company.”

He responded:  “Well, I didn’t find her very attractive.  She’s not my type.”

At first, I didn’t say anything.  I know that it’s easier to get excited and flirty with a woman you actually find attractive but as I watched him more, I saw him not push the interaction far with any of the women we spoke to at the Beverly Center.  The woman may not have been to his liking but how can one truly gauge someone’s attractiveness if one doesn’t even get to know the person?

So I told him:  “I can tell you are picky but let me ask you this:  if you wanted her, could you get her?”

He remained silent for 10 minutes then he finally said:  “You are right, Khiem.  Even if I wanted her, I wouldn’t have been able to get her.”

When you are having a conversation with someone, there is a difference between having standards and giving yourself excuses so that you don’t have to continue the interaction.  It’s important for all of us to have minimum standards.  We don’t want to waste time with people we have no interest in keeping in our life but we should still give everyone a chance to be be part of our life and meet our criteria.  Before you reach a level where you can be choosy, answer honesty:  can you connect with anyone and make them want to see you again?

During an interaction, there is a moment when the person’s attitude towards you changes.  You can clearly see that he/she is intrigued by you and wants to get to know you even more.  At that moment, if neither of you ask for each other’s contact information, there would be a sense of regret and loss.  When you can stir up this desire consistently with the majority of people you meet, THIS is when you hold true charismatic power.

So if you are learning to overcome your approach anxiety and want to become magnificently magnetic, don’t be too quick to disregard or judge people.  Strive to connect with everyone on a personal level.  Make them want to see you again.  Make them want to smile again because you were there.  You may not know what may come out of it.  If nothing else, he/she can become a good friend or business connection.  You don’t have to escalate to a sexual level with people you aren’t attracted to but at least, you should be able to have them want to meet you for a quick drink because you are a fantastic person to be around.

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This entry was posted on Saturday, December 15th, 2007 at 11:48 am. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a comment, or trackback from your own site.