It always surprises me how a small change in the way you do things can dramatically enhance your results.

I think the biggest problem with people today is that they do not show real intent in what they truly desire.  What I mean when I say that “they do not show real intent” is that their actions are not aligned with what they want.

A lot of people will state a purpose, an intent to do something but they do not act upon that intent.  For example, if I was to say “I am looking for a job” but I was still not finding a job after six months, am I really looking for job?

Keeping yourself honest with your intent is what’s going to make you successful in whatever you do because you are allowing yourself to express yourself freely with no restraint nor care.  In the context of meeting women, showing romantic intent goes beyond stating your sexual interest.  Do your behaviors with the woman you are interested in consistently show an explicit sexual overtone?

If you are only looking for casual play, are you mistakenly showcasing your provider/boyfriend traits to her instead of your “just for fun” qualities?

I have a friend who really liked this one girl.  They’ve been talking every day for the past 2 weeks through phone, online chat or text and have seen each other in person about twice a week.  From the way they were flirting, there was definite sexual tension between them… however, they were still just friends.  After much encouragement from my part, he finally gathered the courage to kiss her.  She was hesitant at first to reciprocate but eventually, she kissed him back. 

Actions speak louder than words.  It’s better for you to show intent through your actions than to wonder where you stand.

In the next few days, her barrage of questions regarding whether he was ready to continue with the romantic intent made him self-conscious.  He didn’t kiss her nor did he hold her hand the next few times he saw her.  In retrospect, she was voicing her own insecurities to him and he didn’t know how to handle that.  Tell me:  what do you think would have happened if he kept his actions congruent with his intent?  Because of his seemingly lack of direction, do you think the girl is confused now?

Most people are looking to be led.  Showing clear intent to the people around you allows them to react and behave accordingly to what YOU want.  More often than not, they will accommodate your desires and the more consistent you become at reinforcing your intent with your actions, the more people become conditioned to responding to you a certain way, thus setting a precedent.

If you want to get romantic with a girl, have your actions explicitly shown that intent?  I’m not recommending you to flat out tell a girl you like her upfront, but does your behavior show sexual interest?  Do you look into her eyes and hold eye contact passionately?  Do you subconsciously always find reasons to touch her?  Do you flirt or tease her?  Are you challenging her to be the unique woman you know she is and do you make her feel like one?  Do all your behaviors create a sexual vibe?

My friend JC and I talked a lot about intent the other night.  He has become quite good at approaching women and getting their phone numbers.  However, his return call ratio for dates was less than ideal.  After much troubleshooting, it became evident that he wasn’t showing any form of real intent.  Why was he asking for her number?  Did he want a friend or did he want a date?  When you are doing daytime approaches, you have a limited amount of time to “sell yourself” to the other person.  Why should she see him again?  What does he want to do with her? 

Most of the times, he got the phone number because he was nice.   However, the girl never felt there was a real reason or real need to call him back.

So I told him: 

When you meet a girl, you want to make it fun.   If you don’t, getting to know you as a person (especially in the day time when she knows absolutely nothing about you) is only interesting to her if she wants a friend.

When you want something from someone, you have to make yourself a priority in their mind.  By being fun, by making a strong first impression, by conveying yourself powerfully and sensually with a girl, you become the new story in her life and she’s more likely to want to see you again.

Make your intent clear through actions so that she knows how to become receptive to what you want.

JC thought our discussion was brilliant so he wanted to share with you his own interpretation of our talk.

In the past two years, I’ve been interacting to improve my social skills.  One of the things that haven’t changed for me was the guess work that I would go through after getting a number or finishing up a date.  Even though I had learned all these techniques and ways to talk to women, it had never quite become clear what they SAW me as, how they perceived me.

That’s how the guessing game would start. I would do X and Y, hoping for a Z. Sometimes, Z would come if I was lucky but sometimes that relished Z would never surface.  I was still frustrated with women despite all this time trying to figure them out. By this point, I had a ton of female friends who all loved to talk to me and hang around me. My friends would call me a pimp but the truth was… I wasn’t sleeping with any of them.

Then… something a good friend of mine said just smacked my head. At first, I didn’t make much of it.  It was another one of those many tips that he gives.  “So what?” I thought.   However, I read it again.  I started thinking about my latest interactions, one with a girl on the train and one with a girl in my class, and it just HIT me right then and there.

With both of these interactions, I was very confident and interested in what they had to say but I realized that I lacked a certain spark. I was talking to these two girls the same way that I would be talking if I was making guy friends.  The Natural Game Community teaches you to talk to girls the same way you would talk to guys.  You shouldn’t have to separate them. That’s solid advice when you are trying to overcome approach anxiety but when you are passed that and you see a cute girl, are you talking to her to make friends or more?  Once you find her special, do you really want to be JUST friends?  Do you really?

That’s when I realized how powerful what Khiem said was.  If you talked to the girl as you were making a friend, why would you realistically expect her to think of you as anything more than that?  People are merely reacting to the way you output yourself.  They don’t have much of a choice.  If you do not make it clear to her from the beginning of the interaction or anytime between how she should perceive you, how would she know you want to be more than just friends?

This brings me to my next point. Your intent should be clear and not hidden away. There are too many guys out there “making friends” and then expecting something else. How the fuck is she supposed to know? I don’t think she can read your mind so why do you expect her to?  A lot of girls assume that guys should pick up on their subtle “I’m interested” signals.  Don’t make that same mistake they do.

Make your interactions flirty, fun and sensual enough to show that you want her to be more than just friends. Be silly, role play, smack her with your umbrella, etc. She is only interested in the “getting to know you” chitchat if she is interested in making a friend. While being a friend is nice, getting stuck on the grey zone when you want something more is not. Be either black or white.  Be daring.  Be challenging or else, she might just fit you in the “safer” category.

And that’s not where I think you want to be.

-JC

In short, be congruent with what you want.  Define where you want to go with the interaction and act on it.  There is no need for hesitation or doubt because people are more compliant than they’d let you believe.

Rate This:

 Loading ...

This entry was posted on Tuesday, February 19th, 2008 at 4:53 pm. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a comment, or trackback from your own site.