The more I help people on bootcamps, the more I realize I enjoy coaching.  

Most of the time, I don’t end up coaching a whole lot of technical stuff.  Most of the bootcamps I help on are “natural game” focused anyways and as such, I usually talk a lot about mindsets, beliefs and perceptions.

The interesting part for me is to see that most of these students that come to bootcamps are REALLY good guys.  They are typically successful in their own rights in whichever areas they pursue but because of the focus society puts on us to become performance driven machines, they have forgotten to develop their (inter)personal skills.

All these guys are kind of like me in some ways.  At one point in their life, they forgot how to just enjoy the little moments, how to be present with someone, how to actively listen and carry a conversation.  They forgot how to truly listen to their own desires and how to have fun.

I know I talk a lot about the Seduction Community and its various facets but in the natural game side of things, very few people aspire to be Pick-Up Artists (PUAs).  They definitely want to meet a lot of women like the Pick-Up Artists do.  They definitely want to have more choice in the quality of women too but very few of them ever consider themselves a PUA. 

They don’t really approach women with a hunting mindset.  They usually think of developing themselves to be able to attract the women they want and for me, they truly embody the abundance mentality.

Most natural guys I have met are absolutely okay with losing or not getting the girls they originally wanted.  Unlike the technical PUAs I have met, they don’t focus on what they did wrong in the interaction.  Instead, they see what went right and hope they can do even better next time.

That kind of mindset alone really puts me at ease when I meet a girl.  When I meet someone I like, I try my best to have fun with her and to lead her into an experience we can both enjoy.  However, I’m not afraid of what I might have done wrong anymore.

If guys could consistently learn that on bootcamps, I’d be very happy.  You want to be as attractive as you can but in the end, it’s all about you.  Your ability to date beautiful women is a reflection of who you are as a person and your ability to take action in meeting these women.

Most of the times, the techniques you learn from one method or another won’t work well for you until you truly understand how to deliver these techniques (aka:  what intent/mindset it is coming from), how they affect the emotions of the woman and how you make them your own.

Coaching for me is not so much imparting all the techniques I know but it is to convey to the guys that they are truly good guys.  Their success with women is highly dependent on their ability to trust their own instincts and to listen and act upon their own desires.  If they can do that, they can create their own “method” to find the women they like.

And… once in a while, I’ll get a warm thank you and THAT is what makes coaching more fun for me than teaching a specific system.

Below, Sam decided to share his experience at the Adam Lyons’ Los Angeles bootcamp.  Enjoy! 

As far as my friends back home were concerned, I was headed to a “skills improvement seminar.”  Had I told them that I was going to a PUA bootcamp, they would have either made fun of me for “wasting money, ” or when I came back, would say things like “so, it’s been a week, where is your new supermodel girlfriend”?

Most of my friends back home — great guys whom I love to death — but they fall into one of two categories:  either they play it too safe when they go out (waiting for the girl to make eye contact first), or they are already dating someone (maybe a 5-7.5, sometimes bitchy) and feel like that’s as good as it gets for them; I like to call this phenomenon Bay Area “Settling.”

When I arrived at the Skybar in LA, I was greeted by 3 AMOG (Alpha Male Other Guy or Alpha Male of the Group) instructors:  Adam Lyons, Khiem, and Johnny Wolf.  They were down to earth guys, extremely entertaining, and their ability to put a smile on any stranger’s face (male or female) was beyond impressive. 

There was also an extremely witty and attractive instructor, Amanda, who any AFC would be drooling over and stammering when trying to talk to her.  Bringing in attractive females and forcing us to try talking to them was a great idea and gave me a similar thrill/anxiety that I would experience with a girl at a club.  I am also glad the instructor girls were told to not be too hard on us because I think that such pressure would not have been helpful so early on in the training.

Now while we were taught A LOT at the bootcamp, the things that will really stick with me were:  being able to have exciting conversations about boring topics, the ease and importance of kino, coming into sets with a friendly high energy but most importantly, how much the guys really cared about my success, especially Khiem.  Khiem really showed me how to have fun and not care.  He took extra care in making sure I was doing well.

A really good exercise we did was to take a topic like “Concrete,” and tell an exciting story about how it relates to you.  Believe it or not, Adam came up with an insane story about how the Yakuza gang would not be able to drown him in the ocean using a cement block, since he knew that wiggling your feet in the wet concrete would not allow it to set.  He came up with this story about 3 seconds after I said the word “Concrete”!

The kino section  is also something I’ll be incorporating more into my everyday life.  I have definitely noticed that people that will touch my elbow or shoulder once in a while during a convo leave a more positive impression with me.  A smile definitely goes a long way as well — as long as it isn’t there 99% of the time like a permanent grin.

Now my biggest fear has always been day game and nightclub game.  Unfortunately, we never ended up going to a place that had the dancefloor where really loud music would prevent me from using words to seduce the girl.  I wish I could see some PUA videos somewhere that shows various examples of this. 

We did have a pretty extensive daygame session at the mall though.  Jackson, one of the students, ended up hooking some good sets using the “What kind of shoes would you girls recommend with this outfit?” I got one girl to talk to me by using the “If he doesn’t call in 5 minutes, dump him” line since she kept checking her cellphone.  The rest of my approaches pretty much crashed and burned :).  I am going to have to go home and really study up on day game especially after seeing how Khiem was able to strike up a convo with EVERY girl I challenged him to.

Overall, it was an inspirational weekend.  Now, I am going to try and find some wings who are at similar stages of the learning process through the San Francisco Lair message boards and Lair meet ups.

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