Hello everyone, my name is Jack.

I’m friends with Khiem for the past month and a half. We met after my bootcamp with theApproach.  

You might have noticed he hasn’t written anything for a while.  Well… his laptop broke last month so he’s been going nuts not being able to get his daily dose of porn – ahem… I mean… update his blog.  So in the meantime, he thought it’d be great for me to write out my own journey learning “the game” (he hates the term :p ).  

Don’t worry.  His new Macbook Pro just arrived a few days ago so he’ll be back in full force soon.  You Apple fans out there can thank me for getting him to switch.  He was going to buy a Dell if I didn’t intervene.  Phew, one more nerd saved!

I first took a workshop/bootcamp with theApproach about 2 months ago.  Their lead instructor, Sebastian Drake, taught the course himself so it was hands-on coaching from the master himself.  I learned a lot and I will probably give you guys a full report of my experience with theApproach bootcamp in another post but today, I want to write about my own realizations and experiences as I learn to become a better, more social and overly more attractive man

Growing up, I was horrible with women.  So after college, I decided to improve myself.  I wanted to be able to date the women I really wanted.

In the past 2 months after the workshop, Khiem has personally coached me.  He has taught me many underlining principles about attraction and dating which made me see clearer on what I need to improve to become better. 

Learning techniques is one thing… but the techniques don’t mean anything if you don’t know how and when to apply it.  It also doesn’t mean much if you don’t know what kind of emotional impact it has on the girl.  

One of the key thing I learned through Khiem is to pay more attention to how the woman feels emotionally.  When you make yourself aware of where she is emotionally (aka if she’s comfortable enough with you or whether she’s feeling intrigued by you… etc), you know better how and where to lead the interaction.

Let me explain this through a story of mine from this past weekend. 

I was at lunch with some friends in Vegas.  The table conversation soon revolved around dating and relationships. One girl said she wanted to date a guy who “knows how to handle business and take care of things.” Most of the girls seemed to agree with her.

I looked at them and teased them about their ridiculously vague answers. 

Two years ago, I wouldn’t have understood what they meant.  For me, chick logic is just of another breed.  The so-called “Men are from Mars, please speak my language” attitude would’ve popped out of my mouth. 

Fast forward to today, I knew exactly what the girls meant at the table.  When you understand what women look for emotionally, you realize that they are all saying the same thing but describing it differently.  They all want a man who is strong and able to lead them and take actions in most situations.

Not only do you want to be comfortable and relaxed under social pressures, you also want to be comfortable with yourself as a sexual man.  I had to learn to be accepting of myself, especially being at ease in my own skin so that I could better express my full desires/intentions.  I have found that expressing myself as a sexual being who embraces his own sexuality as a man is crucial in dating.

The moment a women meets me, she’ll try to figure out if I am comfortable sexually by observing many of my subtle behaviors.  Back then, I was one of those guys who never seem to know this. My girl friends would always tell me to be a gentlemen and act good around women.  I believed them and I misunderstood them as me needing to be nice,,, but that never seem to make me successful with women at all!!! 

I realized that I had to read in-between the lines.  Women do not want a guy that acts extremely polite and nice around them.  That is not sexual.  Being nice and gentlemen-ly is all good until the closing part.  In fact, being a gentleman would give you brownie points with a girl but she still wants to see your ability to be masculine and not wussy.  It’s your subtle behaviors that will convey to her whether you’re afraid or not to take her to the bedroom, escalate, seduce her and have great sex with her.

After all, she’s a woman.  You can’t forget that she probably thinks of sex too! 

I like to show my sensual side through subtle behaviors like putting my hand behind the girl’s lower back and lead her through the door way.  Touching her hands, elbows, shoulders and upper back as I talk to her to make certain points more powerful. Putting my arm around her to tell other people she’s my girl. 

These are the things a “nice guy” doesn’t always do. They are too afraid of offending the girl so they act aloof, distant or too proper. Women do not want to feel that you are uneasy around them.  When you use touch properly and you show that you know how to lead them, they see you as a guy who’s sexually comfortable with himself.  They may start wondering how being with you would feel like.  That’s how I realized that being completely comfortable with myself includes being sexually comfortable with yourself. 

For example, I was sharing a hotel room with 6 hot female friends of mine this past weekend in Vegas. I walked around in my boxers the entire time. I wasn’t trying to pickup any of the girls, but wanted to see how comfortable I could be just “being myself”.  

I watched TV, made conversations, walked around and snacked on food all in my boxers. The girls jokingly  made fun of me at first. They’ve known me for a long time and had never seen that side of me but very soon, I saw them look at me differently. Instead of seeing me as the asexual friend, they started seeing me as a real guy with whom something might happen with. They were definitely more engaged with me throughout the weekend.  Just being a normal regular guy around them made them feel more interested in me.  I wasn’t the nice guy, I wasn’t the weird guy… I was just the guy who was OK with who he is.

One night, I even crawled up under the sheet with one girl in my boxers because I got tired of the floor.  The nice guy in me would have never done that a few years back and surprisingly, she wasn’t weirded out by it.  At first, she was a tad bit surprised but eventually, she accepted it because I didn’t make a big deal out of it.  I acted as if I had all the right in the world to sleep comfortably the way she does.

When you don’t make a big deal out of things, people are more accepting. 

Thus, I’d say that being comfortable in your own skin, keeping true to your desires and intentions is the solid foundation you must develop to start attracting women naturally.  It is the subtle normal behaviors that catch a girl’s attention.  So when I made the paradigm shift and gained the right mentality, the proper subtle behaviors became automatic and things started to fall into place naturally.

Women were paying more attention to me. 

If you want to develop the right mindset to understand attraction, don’t forget to check out Vin’s latest e-book The Attraction Code.  At Khiem’s recommendation, I read it and it really helped me better understand what it meant to be a powerfully attractive man.

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