Finally!!!  I’m back!

My Dell laptop of 4 years died sometimes in July and man… it’s been hard not to do anything productive for a while.  

I felt I was on some sort of self-imposed vacation… and sure, it was fun but I was really starting to get the itch to write again… and more importantly, to WORK!

Unfortunately, with my laptop’s imminent death, I lost a few files.  Among other things, gone is the great podcast interview I had with Nick Sparks from The Social Man.  I’ll have to do it again, I guess.

In other news, I’m sure you guys have met my new sidekick Jack.  I recently gave him a nickname:  Jack Mack.  Everywhere we go, when he sees someone cute, he’ll disappear and I’ll find him a few minutes later making some girl laugh.  I love watching him.  If I know he’s about to approach, I can already imagine him in my head do his “James Bond walk” strolling up to the girl.

Yakub is still around.  He lives in Virginia though so it’s harder for me to just have spontaneous chats with him as inspiration for the blog.  Hopefully, he can pop in and write a few words sometimes on here.  He just came back from a month-long vacation in Bangladesh.

Right now, let’s talk about something serious.  

I have a grudge.

As a lot of you know, I’ve spent a considerable amount of time exploring what Pickup Artists (PUAs) teach men about women.  There are a lot of positive things the Seduction Community can offer to your average guy’s understanding of women but there’re also many bad, BAD habits or beliefs they teach.

It’s a well-known fact that the typical guy who enters the Seduction Community is the frustrated nice guy who hasn’t been able to get the woman of his dreams very often.  He’s seen other “bad boys” get the girl.  He’s seen his cute and hot female friends overlook him for other men.  He’s understanding, he’s considerate, he wants to please women, he’s kind and helpful yet he doesn’t get the girl.  

He just doesn’t understand what women want.  

So he gets frustrated and somehow, out of desperation, he finds the Pickup Community.

He goes from not understanding women to wanting to know EVERYTHING about women.  He learns about body language, he learns about conversational styles, he learns about flirting/banter/cocky & funny, he learns about subtle signs women give to show interest, he learns about everything he needs to know to be successful with women.

And you know what?  That’s where my beef is right now.

You don’t need to know EVERYTHING to get the girl.

What is important is that you gain a good enough awareness of women’s emotions.  I’ve told guys many times:  

If you want to get good with women, you need to be mindful of how women feel.  You want to understand her emotions.

BUT even then… you shouldn’t be SOOOO focused on figuring out what she wants that you forget what you want.

When you are only focused on knowing what the woman wants, you are being the “nice (weak) guy” again.  You may have learned some PUA tricks or techniques to fake aloofness or self-assurance but your mindset is still the old “nice guy.”

Instead of sucking up to women by being super nice to them at your own detriment (aka weak), you are sucking up to them by pretending NOT to be so nice while constantly monitoring that you don’t get negative reactions from the woman.

Can you see how outcome dependent you are even behind that heavily well-crafted PUA mask?

You are a nice guy in disguise!

You are still weak and seeking approval.  You are just doing it in a more advanced, covert way. 

You still believe you don’t deserve women for being who you are, as the strong and confident man that you hid somewhere deep inside out of fear and insecurities.

Learning seduction or pickup is about learning to be more perceptive of the woman’s psyche.  Being aware of women’s emotions allow you to communicate in ways that she can understand and accept you but most importantly, before you can worry about what she wants, you need to know what you want.  

You should have a clear conviction of who you are and where you want to take things.  What should ANYONE know about you if you only had 5 minutes to make an impression?

Personally, if you wanted to really learn how to pickup women, I would recommend you learn more about sexual arousal psychology rather than pickup theory.  When you understand what women respond to on a sexual level, pickup will just click for you.

When you can communicate in confident, genuine and self-respecting ways, the woman can only be attracted to you.  There is no other options.  

When you communicate like a powerful and attractive man, when you believe in yourself to be a worthy man, when you have a direction for the things that you want, you convey all the right “attraction switches” without even thinking about it.

Attraction is about BEING someone attractive, not doing any specific set of behaviors in a specific order.

If you want the real key to attracting people in your life, attraction is about making people feel good about themselves.  When you know how to express yourself very well to put people at ease around you and make them feel good in your presence, you become a source of pleasure.

You become attractive.

Forget tailoring your game to every single whims of a woman (or man for that matter).  Lead the way and people will tailor themselves to your views of the world.

Think of it like ballroom dancing.  As a man, you have to learn to use your body to lead the woman.  You can’t constantly think of how her body will react to yours and whether or not she’ll follow.  You just have to trust that your body movements will cue her in on how to follow.

As Wayne Elise once put it, “you are a force of nature.”  Act like one and you will soon realize how much influence and impact you have on people.  Most people are stimulus junkies.  If you are the strongest stimulus, people just react to you.

Therefore, if you are a positive force of nature, people react positively to you.

So here’s my plea to all PUA-wannabes out there.  Just for a moment, STOP all the techniques.

Take some time to really pay attention on how you express yourself.  Pay attention to the kind of image or identity you project when you are out and about in the world.

What do all your behaviors say about you as a man, as a person?

If it doesn’t say anything good, fix that first… and maybe you’ll realize that you didn’t need that many techniques to attract women to your life in the first place.

Life is all about perception.

Are people having a good perception of you?

You don’t have to pretend being someone you are not.  Be more of who you are.

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, September 3rd, 2008 at 2:44 am. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a comment, or trackback from your own site.