Once in a while, I get a very good question on my blog… and today is one of these days where I feel compelled to share my answer with all of you. One guy emailed me this:

Hi Khiem, I am trying to figure out the difference between chemistry and attraction. To me, it seems you can be attracted to someone, but feel no chemistry. That’s why a girl may be willing to go on an initial date with you, and you two can get along, but if there is no spark, she won’t see you again. Does that seem about right?

Ryan

Well, Ryan, you ask a very good question and interestingly, you seem to already know the answer but let me explain it further for you.

Attraction is basically the process in which a person gets attached to you. Attraction starts with a feeling of curiosity, a sense of intrigue about what you want to be attracted to. If you think about all the things you’ve decided to take on in your life, most things started with you being curious or intrigued about that something. Because you were curious about it, you decided to learn more about it, you decided to pursue it and therefore, you became attached and attracted to it.

Since intrigue is the beginning of attraction, then you can deduce that if you can get a woman to be curious about you, she’ll think of herself as attracted to you and will at least go on one date with you to find out what kind of guy you are.

When intrigued, most people feel the urge to satisfy their curiosity. This is why cliffhangers in movies work so well… this is why TV shows always make their weekly episode finish on a high… in a way to leave you hanging and wanting to know more.

Curiosity is one of human’s biggest driver and motivator. If you understand that, you can use it to your advantage to attract more women into your life. The great thing about intrigue is that it can take on many forms.

You can intrigue a woman by your good looks, by the way you tell stories, by the way you walk or by your demeanor, by the way other people respond to you in a venue (social proof), by your sense of expertise or authority (position of power or authority), etc. Basically, YOU can choose how you want to intrigue a woman based on which facet of yourself you want to convey to her first in order to arouse that curiosity in her.

During this process of intriguing the woman, she will perceive you as “different” from other men she’s seen. You are unique, you are interesting… and therefore, she goes on a date with you.

Chemistry on the other hand is more of a feeling inside of your body. Chemistry usually manifest itself as the feeling of deep arousal or deep emotional connection. It’s a sensation she gets when she is with you. People call it sparks, butterflies in the stomach or even love at first sight.

When you have chemistry with somebody, everything feels natural, good and right. Everything seems effortless because when you feel that chemistry, you feel like they are you, and you are them. It’s a feeling feeling of “togetherness”, or “oneness”.

When you have chemistry with someone, you are constantly aroused by them and you feel constantly the urge to bond with that person on a physical and chemical level.

Chemistry entails a sense of complicity, a sense of… it’s just you and me… it’s that sexual desire and urge that you can create through body language, tonality, eye contact, dirty talk, sexual innuendos and touch/caresses.

I want to make something clear though… chemistry is different from lust. Even though lust may feel like chemistry, lust is more a form of intrigue than it is a form of chemistry. Lust is more a type of curiosity in which she fantasizes or simply wonders about how it would be to be with you in bed.

So going back to your question, this is why when a woman feels attracted to you (aka curious), she’ll go on a first date with you… but she’ll only go on a second date with you if she feels chemistry (sexual arousal or deep connection).

If you guys ever want to learn more about how to attract women and how to become a powerful man, I highly recommend you checking out David Wygant’s Men’s Mastery Series and Vin DiCarlo’s The Attraction Code.

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