I always love a good PUA story.

As much time as PUAs spend on learning advanced social and dating skills, they aren’t always so subtle (or good) when they are talking to women.

I can always smell them!

Last month, I went with David Wygant to the PUA Summit 2009 in Hollywood for his talk.  I knew that if I brought my girflriend, I might have to protect her from guys oogling at her… or worse, from guys trying to practice their recently learned techniques on her.  Nonetheless, I decided to take her along.

I’ve told her about the Seduction Community before.  She’s never seen anything Community related so she was pretty excited to discover what this whole movement was about.

As I arrived at the Renaissance hotel, I started scanning the room for familiar faces.  There were quite a lot more people this time around that I didn’t know.  I guess that’s what happens when I don’t actively keep in touch with people in the Community.  I definitely wasn’t familiar with some of the speakers listed on the schedule.

We entered the room quietly in the middle of Adam Lyon’s speech and sat in the back.  I love Adam!  I think the world of him.  He and his wife Amanda are the nicest people.  I wish I’d get to see them more often but as much as I like him, I didn’t like his speech as much as the other years.  As a speaker, he’s absolutely fantastic!  He always wow the crowd with his humor and stories.  What I didn’t like was his message (at least the part of the message I caught).

In his talk, he explained to the guys how you can almost guarantee success in transitioning to sex with a woman by justifying your every move… even if it didn’t completely make logical sense.  As long as you give a seemingly valid reason to why you are doing this or that with her, why you are leading her somewhere, she will follow.

From a psychological perspective, that’s pretty interesting!  It shows you that people don’t really think for themselves that much.  As long as what you are doing makes some sense and that you do it with enough conviction, people will just follow.  Honestly, it’s kind of scary to me.  It just shows me how stupid we really are as human beings, but oh well…

The reason I didn’t like his message is simple.

In my world, if you are a powerful and genuine guy who kind of embodies the lover for women, you don’t have to justify anything!  Sex with you just happens (or so that’s what women say)!  It feels like a fairy tale.  For them, being with you feels natural and right.  It just happens because you understand how women get turned on.  You understand that women love the idea of being swept away… and YOU are that guy who lets them live their own romantic comedy or sexual fantasy through you!

If you have to justify anything to her, you probably didn’t do a good job at making her feel comfortable and connected to her.  You raised a red flag somewhere in her subconscious if she has to stop and ask you why you are doing this… or where are you two going.

When you make people feel comfortable around you, when you make people feel desired… and when you focus on giving people a good time, there is a feeling of magical-ness.  People just follow.

People can’t say no to pleasure that comes from a genuine place.  Be that source of pleasure.

I don’t think I’ve ever had to justify anything to a woman when it comes down to getting it on.  It’s called leading for a reason.  Leading implies that she  willingly chooses to follow you because you make her comfortable to be with you.  If she didn’t feel comfortable with you and your decisions, that’d be called persuasion or manipulation.

When a woman is with me… it is assumed that she (eventually) WANTS it from me!

It is the natural order of things.  If I’m an attractive guy, if I’m fun, if I’m all these nice things, why wouldn’t she want to be with me? Why wouldn’t she want to get it from me?

I don’t get sex from women.  I give sex to them.

I don’t know how much pickup material you have learned but you really want to be that guy… that powerful guy who just makes women feel good around him.  If you are good to them, why would they resist you?  Would you need to ever justify your moves to them?

Anyway… while in the middle of my thoughts, my girlfriend nudged me.

Me:  Yes babe?

Her:  OMG, he’s here!!!

Me:  Who?

Her:  Do you remember that guy I told you about ?  The guy that my sister had as a “date” on the day she met her husband?  He’s here!!!”

Me:  Really?  Where? (she points him out to me) Oh my god!  I told you so!  I knew he was a Pickup Artist!

Her:  I can’t believe you were right.  I can’t believe we thought he was gay too!

You see… my girlfriend has a younger sister in her mid-twenties who is married.  When I met her, I got all curious and I had to ask her the obvious question:

“how did you meet your husband (let’s call him ‘Kevin’)?”

It turned out:  she met him at a bar!  As she was about to order a drink from behind him, he started talking to her.  He was so fun and engaging that she invited him to tag along and hang out with her friends… something that her “date” wasn’t too fond of when he arrived a bit later.

I put the word “date” in quotation marks because it wasn’t a formal date.  She met, let’s say “Mitch”, a few days prior… and just invited him out with her friends with no expectations.

Little did she know that “Mitch” kind of fancied her.  He drove all the way from Newport Beach to Pasadena to hang out with her.  That’s a good hour or hour and a half drive so you can understand how he wasn’t too pleased when he saw Kevin being in the way.

Not knowing how to handle the new guy in the group, “Mitch” did what most PUAs know how to do.  He started to play games.  He started flirting with her friends… and her sister (aka my to-be-current girlfriend).  Most of her friends were either already attached or just not interested.  As such, he started making his rounds talking to other women.

In PUA world, that’s what you call jealousy plot lines.  He was trying to draw attention back to himself by showing how cool and desirable he really was to other people.

The funny thing was… nobody cared!

My girlfriend’s younger sister thought he was gay for a while.  While teasing her, “Mitch” used the classic PUA line:  ”Oh no.. you and I, we can never be.  You are like my little sister!”

In her mind, that didn’t compute.  Here is an attractive girl who’s single and out to have fun… so what kind of guy must he be to drive all the way from Newport Beach to Pasadena to hang out with her when he only thinks of her as a sister?  He MUST be gay, especially since he was wearing eyeliner too (even if that could be explained because he plays in a band).

This is the common mistakes PUAs make.  They don’t see the big picture AND they think everything is a game.

Attraction is not a game.  It’s an emotional and physical feeling.  Can you make the woman feel the symptoms of sexual desire?  Attraction is the art of making people FEEL good inside and out.

Would my girlfriend’s little sister get jealous if he talked to other girls?  Sure…. ONLY if she already liked him and she was feeling neglected.

Could my girlfriend’s lille sister pay him more attention in spite of having “Kevin the new guy” there?  Sure… only if “Mitch” could show himself to be more meaningful to her life at that time.  In this case and context, he would need to be more fun and more interesting to her and the group.

People don’t care about you.  People don’t care about you until you make yourself meaningful to them in some way or fashion.

If “Mitch” really wanted to make this work for himself, he should have made himself significant to the group.  He should have presented himself as THE source of fun and pleasure.  Instead, he started to play classic PUA games.  Done the right way, PUA tactics can hit the right emotional cords but here, you can see what happened.

If you do any of the weird things PUAs do?  I can smell it…. and so can women.  They may not be able to explain it the way I do, but they sense it.

The irony of the story?  A few years back when all this happened, “Mitch” also tried to go out with my girlfriend (she wasn’t my girlfriend then) and she ignored him.

Today, he is listed as a coach for a seduction company in the PUA Summit 2009 booklet and throughout the PUA Summit weekend, he never acknowledged her or tried to talk to her.  He pretended not to know her at all.

To me… THAT is funny!

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