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| What’s Your Dating Strategy: Farming or Hunting? |
| Posted by Khiem in: Articles |
After so many years of watching the dating and pickup industry, I come to realize that men have 2 basic approach to meet women.
I see on one side the guy who’s mostly focused on himself. He’s focused on pursuing and expanding on what he likes and wants in life. He’s typically a pretty cool guy. He’s really good at something or he’s really passionate about something. People get attracted to him because of the lifestyle he’s created and cultivated for himself. His strong social network allows him to constantly meet new people and he meets women effortlessly. Meeting people for him is an act of seeing new opportunities opening up around him.
On the other hand, I see the guy who is very goal oriented. He’s constantly on a mission to find the next best thing. When he wants to meet someone, whether for business or personal reasons, he goes out there and really look for that someone. His social circle does not allow him to constantly meet new people and as such, he’s like a hungry hunter. Meeting women is an act of looking for new targets he can prey on. He has the drive of a salesman.
Which one are you?
As you embark on your journey to improve your chances at finding romance, you need to know which style is easiest for you to implement.
Are you more of a farmer… or a hunter?
I see this endless debate play out constantly on seduction boards. Guys who preach the “be yourself, love yourself, focus on yourself” type of approach want you to be the farmer. Guys who preach “here’s the best technique, here’s the latest technology in understanding/getting women” want you to be the hunter.
Is one style better than the other? It’s up to you! But you need to understand the differences so you can stop doubting yourself on what’s right for you.
If you prefer farming for love in your life, you learn to attract women by the sheer force of nature you are, based on your lifestyle and the conviction you have of who you are as a man. You need to learn to truly love yourself and project that out to people. You aren’t worrying so much about how to date as you are about doing the things that you love and are good at. You attract plenty of women who fit into your lifestyle because you are more passionate with your own life purpose than you are about attracting ALL types of women.
You understand that you only care for 1, 2 or even 3 very specific types of women and you are happy with those kind of women. In the end, as much as you want “hot women”, you only want the RIGHT kind of women in your life. You are basically “screening” for the right kind of women by the very lifestyle you live.
Being a farmer means you project the very traits and lifestyle that will appeal to the kind of women you know will make you happy. Your sense of abundance comes from the understanding that the more you talk and do the things that you love (aka the more you farm), the more you share yourself to the world, the more opportunities you’ll get to have the right kind of woman find you. Like a farmer, you are planting seeds of love here and there and waiting to see which one blossoms into the most beautiful flower you want to pick.
If you prefer hunting for love in your life, you learn to attract women by using the best and most effective tools you have to bait and seduce her. You are more focused on attracting a specific woman or the kind of woman she is rather than figuring out whether she’s right for you. You love the chase. Winning over that fantasy girl is a stroke to your ego. It gives you a sense of power. It’s an achievement. It’s pride.
Your sense of of abundance comes from the knowledge you have on the various tools you can use to appeal to the various and specific types of women you encounter… but by doing so, you are wasting a lot of energy into making you do things that may be unnatural to you.
Truth is, you can be a little bit of both!
At the beginning, you need to learn how to farm. When you start coaching with us, we want you to develop a lifestyle that allows you to meet whoever you want, whenever you want. Without meeting women, without creating a constant inflow of people to hang out with, it’s hard to teach you the more subtle cues that you need to be aware of to be good with women.
Only after you start meeting and hanging out with women can we help you develop that “killer instinct” of knowing when and how to lead the interaction in a more romantic and sexual direction.
Assess yourself: what level are you at right now?
Are you too shy to even get women to hang out with you? If so, stop thinking of hooking up with them right away!
On the other hand, are you too much of a nice guy to show the women that you want them romantically? If so, before you even think of declaring your undying love to your long time female friend, learn to flirt, learn to turn her on, learn to connect with her on a much deeper, personable and relatable level. Learn to intrigue her… and eventually seduce her.
We all know it. Guys want sex. But having a women exalt in your sexual prowess is a process first… and an end goal last.
Get support. Learn the right thing at the right time. If you have questions what you need to learn first, seek guidance, whether from me or David Wygant… or whoever you want but don’t rush.
There’s a lot you can learn but it is only effective when you learn it when it matters most.
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August 1st, 2010 at 11:54 am
Dude! I don’t know who you are but I have to say this was one of best PUA articles blog posts I have ever read. This is big picture type stuff I’ve never heard anyone really put to words and now everything makes sense. You are awesome!
August 1st, 2010 at 12:40 pm
Hey K, I’m glad you enjoyed the post! A lot of guys out there just don’t know where to start. They get too confused with the breath, depth, and variety of (conflicting) information that’s out there on the internet.
I just hope I have shed a little light on the matter
August 4th, 2011 at 4:27 pm
The 2-3 paragraphs on the farmer probably describes who I am so accurately that even I couldn’t have done it better. For the past 4-5 months, I have been going out, learning all these techniques and being told by “gurus” that you need to go out constantly, do this, do that but it all felt so unnatural.
I agree that I learned a lot from doing it, but I just did not feel happy. In the process, my natural curiosity to experience life started dying because I thought this is the way one is supposed to meet women, that it is the MOST important area of your life, that you need to constantly go out with the purpose of meeting women. I was so wrong.
I am still very bad with women and have very little experience, but looking back, just by virtue of going out to experience life and doing my own thing, so MANY quality women threw themselves at me. My problem has always been, and still is, that I don’t make a move on them (Maybe don’t know how).
Also when I met these gurus and saw the kind of women they attract, when I truly asked myself, I realized that I don’t want women like that. Women of MUCH higher quality (at least in my eyes) have thrown themselves at me in the past, but I didn’t do anything about it.
Also, I do not want to put in so much effort into this, because honestly, women are just not that important to me. They are important but not more important than experiencing my own life and being happy.
I am now going back to what I do best. Just experience life, and do things which I love (and there are so many of those things). Hopefully, armed with all this “in-field” experience, this time when a women I like likes me back, I will make a move.
Thank you for writing this article.
August 4th, 2011 at 4:42 pm
Hey Gus,
Lots of gurus only know “their” way of meeting women. ”Their” way may not be bad, it may be even good… but the truth is that a good teacher would find the way that would work best for you as an individual.
It’s good that you got yourself to go out more to try to meet women because if you do want to meet people, you DO need to learn how to socialize. But socializing doesn’t necessarily mean going out constantly to bars, parks, clubs or wherever you go for the sole intent of MEETING someone. That would definitely be a kill joy, at least for me.
I’m kind of curious now. Why do you feel you are bad with women? Why have you not made a move on the women who are attracted to you yet?
Shoot me an email if you want to talk: khiem@kissntale.com. Maybe I can help.
August 4th, 2011 at 6:09 pm
Sent you an email