You can see it.

You can feel it.

You can almost smell it.

On the surface, everything looks fine… but for the more emotionally in-tuned of you, it’s a feeling you can’t miss.  It’s the vibe you get when you see two people who were once in love now being disconnected.  Their eyes lack the fire that once made them come alive.  Their eyes wander.  Their motion feel out of sync.  Their soul scream quietly for attention, for affection, for love.

When you pay close attention, you can see so much in people.

That’s what I saw when I watched “Natalie,” a friend, at my family’s Memorial weekend barbecue.

She moved around the house caring for her two young children (less than 2  years old) with an empty gaze.  As beautiful as she was, her body looked tired.  Her husband was on the other side of the house socializing and mingling.

They took turns watching over the kids… but their interaction together felt emotionless.  I didn’t hear any words of caring or love towards one another.  Even when talking to each other, they moved like two people living in their own bubbles.

When food was served, the husband went and filled his plate just to come back to watch over the kids while “Natalie” went to fill hers.

There was no “what can I get you babe?” or “sweetheart, you should try this… it’s really good!”

After 15 minutes of the kid playing in the jacuzzi, the husband asked “Natalie” to take the the little girl out of the water to avoid sun burns.  ”Natalie” pleaded for a little more time to let her smiling child enjoy the water a bit longer.  She was having such a blast!

However, not soon thereafter, “Natalie” finally gave in and pulled her daughter out of the hot tub:  ”Come on out, your dad doesn’t want you in the water too long.  He said we need to go home.”

Why such cold and disconnected choice of words?

It’s something I call the little death.  It can happen in any relationship.  It slowly creeps in when you least expect it but it’s the feeling you get when you know deep inside your relationship isn’t going the way you’d like it to go.

Maybe you had a fight, maybe something your partner said hurt you, maybe it’s the lack of quality time spent together, maybe it’s a friend, family member or even work coming in between you… but something is dying inside of you.  Whether temporary or permanent, you feel shut out from your partner.

Your heart is empty.  The fire is missing.  You seem to desire your partner less… and even that doesn’t seem to bother you, or does it?

In my industry, people ask me all the time how to date well.  Truth is… dating is the easy part of your romantic journey.  If you know how to have fun, if you know how to let yourself out, if you know how to listen, it’s not that hard to find someone willing to tag along with you even for a night.

On the other hand, keeping your relationship alive, whether casual or committed,  is much much harder.  So I’m here to ask you today:  what do you do when you feel something inside of you is dying?

At the end of the day, do you connect back with your lover no matter how difficult it may seem at the moment or do you let the divide brew slowly under the surface?

It’s easy to blame things or someone else for your relationship problems.  It’s even easier to do nothing and let time pass.  My challenge to you is:  what are you willing to do about it?  When things become difficult, do you keep on checking for the potential way out?

I remember a fight I had with my ex girlfriend.  She poured out a lot onto me.  Her argument was heartfelt and I was completely overwhelmed by it.  I needed some time away to just think it through.  I needed to take a walk.

At that very moment, she said the simplest thing:  ”Would you like me to walk with you?”

So we took a silent walk for a while.  Our hands eventually intertwined.  Our hearts came back together.

That’s when I knew, at least for now, we were going to be ok.

That alone… meant the world to me.

If you are having dating or relationship problems, contact me.  It’s time you do something about it.

Rate This:

 Loading ...

This entry was posted on Thursday, June 3rd, 2010 at 1:32 am. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a comment, or trackback from your own site.