Last week, I didn’t make a podcast because I was out of town traveling to San Francisco.

To make up for it, I decided I’d do a video interview instead this week!  Yay!!!

A few years ago, I watched a neat YouTube video called “Yellow Fever” from Wong Fu Productions.  It was touching and hard to watch at the same time because the main character shared thoughts that I used to have many years ago.  Truth is… I don’t think anyone ought to think like that and I know that you can date whoever you want, regardless of race.

It’s time to forget stereotypes and show what real Asian males think of dating in a multi-cutural environment.

Watch “Yellow Fever” first…

Then watch me interview my friend Kai on his experience with dating women from all over the world.

Lots of more fun stuff are coming up so stay tuned!

As usual, if you want to share a story about your experiences dating or wants to be interviewed, email me.  I’m currently looking among other things for women who want to make fun of guys and bad sex, Asian guys who wants to talk about dating interracially.

As usual, I’m also open for ideas so ask and comment away!

There are times when I am amazed at the kind of honesty and deep kind of stuff I get to talk about with my guy friends late at night.

If you’ve read my blog for a while, you know I am all about demystifying incorrect beliefs.  I’m all about thinking and living life in a way that helps you achieve the things you set yourself to achieve.

So today, I decided to share with you my raw self.  You get to see me chat honestly about life and dating.  You get to see a side of me that not everyone gets to see unless you know me for a while… or unless you do long-a coaching with me.

Manuel is a friend of mine I’ve mentioned in a previous blog.  He was the jock who needed help with dating.  I’ve helped him for a few months and boy oh boy, he has come a long way since then.  Let’s just say he’s been having some fun.

A lot of the concepts I teach in bootcamps or in private coaching sessions are stuff I’ve experienced and studied myself… and more importantly, stuff that I have experimented with by teaching it to friends to see how it affects their lives.  That’s how I know whether the stuff I talk about works or not.

Grab yourself a cup of coffee or whatever your favorite drink is before reading.

It is a long post but you have plenty of time!!!  You have all the time in your life actually because…  well… we ARE talking about life.

1:16:18 AM Manuel : we tend to get lazy
1:16:22 AM Manuel : in relationships
1:16:23 AM Manuel : men
1:16:30 AM Manuel : don’t you think
1:16:30 AM Khiem : no… I typically don’t
1:16:37 AM Manuel : hmm
1:16:39 AM Khiem : b/c I put a high emphasis on always appreciating
1:16:52 AM Khiem : if I keep the idea of rewarding her behaviors by showing appreciation in various forms
1:16:55 AM Khiem : it keeps her hooked
1:17:04 AM Khiem : so I may get lazy on initiating sex
1:17:08 AM Khiem : but I don’t get lazy in the relationship
1:20:35 AM Manuel : yes, I meant in terms of sex
1:20:45 AM Manuel : sometimes I feel like the fact that it is guaranteed
1:20:52 AM Manuel : makes us take it for granted a little bit
1:20:57 AM Khiem : well maybe for you
1:21:01 AM Khiem : I try to not take it for granted
1:21:01 AM Manuel : in relationships
1:21:03 AM Khiem : b/c I told you before
1:21:07 AM Manuel : hahaha
1:21:08 AM Khiem : if you don’t do the effort to keep her happy
1:21:09 AM Manuel : i know
1:21:14 AM Khiem : her eyes and heart will start to wander
1:21:19 AM Khiem : it’s your job to keep her hooked
1:21:19 AM Manuel : YOU are the Supafreak
1:21:31 AM Khiem : just as it’s her job to seduce us with her femininity
1:22:19 AM Manuel : makes sense
1:22:35 AM Manuel : do you feel that requires a lot of attention on the man’s part? (more…)

You’ve heard it from the Pick-Up Artist (PUA) Community before: 

When it comes to men, women don’t know what they want.

In some ways, it’s true.  Women (and men too) usually base their dating preferences on their past experiences so technically, they (and we as well) really don’t know what they (we) want.  Our preferences CAN change.  It just takes one new “different” experience to make that happen. 

On a similar topic, some PUAs have said that women don’t know how to express what they are attracted to in a way that is applicable and useful to a guy wanting to improve his dating life.  Again, it is sometimes true.  Some women give such vague advice that you really wouldn’t know how to use it without the proper context or mindset but once in a while, women can tell you how the game is played.

I personally like to ask women themselves about their thoughts on male-female dynamics.  You may be surprised at what they will teach you.  A lot of women may pretend that they don’t know you are “gaming” them but they really do!  And when you talk to enough women, you start seeing a recurring pattern in what they will tell you.

Below, I am going to share with you an instant messaging chat session that I’ve had with a girl I met a few weeks ago at a club/lounge.  After speaking with her for a few minutes, I found her delightfully charming.  She is the type of girl who displays a reserved, yet sexy appeal.  She knew everyone I met there that night.  She gave off a very lady-like, classy, graceful vibe and I would definitely consider her a high quality woman.  She’s not your senseless party girl.  She is in her early 30s, she runs/owns her own business and yes, she is hot.  To clarify, she also has no prior knowledge of teachings from the Seduction Community.

The conversation started with how she likes to flirt with a lot of guys but in case you didn’t know yet, flirting doesn’t always mean that the girl likes you for more than friends.

Her: i mean i’ll flirt with all sorts of guys
Her: but i see them as my friends
Me: You make me curious
Her: what? bout what?
Me: How would you pick “your man”?  How would your man makes you feel?
Her: i know this sounds crazy but there always need to be a tension with me n the guy i love
Her: where he would be fearful and love me at the same time. fearful as in fearful of losing me

If you read in between the lines, she really wants to see her man feel raw desire and passion for her.  It’s very arousing for a woman to know that you can’t help but WANT her and her alone.  Any good courtship should involve some sort of sexual tension but before you can even start there, you have to be intriguing.  You want to display some form of value.  You want to paint yourself in ways that captivate her.

Her: how i would pick my man is if he piques my curiosity
Her: n my head is obsessed with him (but he doesnt know that!)

With the conversation starting so well, I dug deeper.

Me: what does it mean when you finally confess: “I AM attracted to this man!”
Her: are u talking bout me defining it?
Her: or someone else saying it?
Her: cuz i always give the weirdest responses. haha.  not normal
Me: I want your answer
Me: I don’t want your general idea of what everyone else means!
Her: in the past, i would’ve said that i wanted to know everything bout him, but now, it really means i want to jump his bones n have his baby. haha
Her: but theres a difference bt attraction n compatibility
Her: i can be attracted to someone but dont want to be with them
Her: totally wrong for me
Her: ok, scratch that baby part
Her: its all mental for me
Her: the attraction has to do with sexual libido.

This is really interesting.  Her answer is very consistent with a lot of the sexually mature women I have spoken with.  Any women who were 26+ of age and to whom I have asked this question have said the exact same thing.  If a girl admits to being attracted to you, she wants sex with you.  However, notice that she also added something very important:  “it’s all mental for me”.  So if you want to have a woman, you have to be able to seduce her mind.  You have to be able to stimulate her mentally.  I let her continue.

Her: but of course, i dont jump his bones.
Her: if i really, really like someone, i am very distant to them. n i take my time

I was very intrigued by this new information.  Why wouldn’t she want to indulge in the carnal pleasures of a man she feels attracted to?  I asked for more.

Me: could it be b/c you are afraid to opening too fast?
Her: i hold the tension as long as i can. make both of us go crazy
Her: right
Her: bc i need to set the bar high
Me: or is it b/c you really want him to make it safe for you to open and feel that desire
Her: no, doesnt matter
Her: to me, there are no rules n boundaries
Her: but i wait n buy my time
Her: bc i like the rewards to be the best. n the ultimate. 
Her: bc if u jump the guys bones too soon, u depreciate it

After a little bit of random chatter, we commented on people who have sex quickly.

Her: ppl who are insecure think that if they dont give all of themselves soon, the other party will lose interest

Re-read that:  “ppl who are insecure think that if they dont give all of themselves soon, the other party will lose interest”.  I sometimes feel that parts of the Pick-Up Community encourages guys to bed women too quickly.  It’s probably stemming from the “fake it until you make it” mentality:  “Oh no… I better bed that girl soon before she finds out I’m really not that cool of a guy.”

For some guys, this is an unhealthy mindset to uphold.  I understand that laying a lot of women quickly is a lifestyle choice but it has to be something you desire.  For the majority of “nice guys” who are just trying to improve their dating success, there is NOTHING wrong with taking your time.  The psychology of attraction is the same whether you take 1 night to get the girl or 3 months to do so.

However, as you gain a better understanding of sexuality and as you develop strong and real inner game, quick lays become a choice that you may decide to embrace… not because you are told to do so but because you finally realize that sex is just the beginning.  It gets better with time.  As my natural friend Marc once told me:

You can’t truly understand and love a woman until you experience her fully… both physically and mentally. 

(more…)