Bootcamps are always an interesting affair. 

From a student/client’s perspective, you are there to absorb as much as you can, see how things are done in-field and you hope that you get enough 1-on-1 attention to kick your game up a notch even though… this is just the beginning for you.

From an instructor’s perspective, bootcamps are always hard work.  If you care for your clients/students, you make sure they are learning and improving under your watch but you also want to make sure they are having a good time.  Sometimes, you have to sacrifice your own fun to make sure the student/client is doing ok.  Sometimes, you have enough good instructors with you that you can afford to get a little enjoyment yourself while on the job.

Overall, it takes a lot of energy out of you if you are an instructor.  Everyone learns at a different pace.  Give the students/clients too much theory and they get bored.  Give them too little role play, not enough drills and too few exercises and they don’t internalize the concept.  In field, if you don’t walk them through the process at first and if you don’t give them enough personal attention, they feel lost.

By the end of a bootcamp, I want a client/student to gain enough social awareness so that he can navigate any social interactions with confidence.  If he can do that, he shouldn’t have too much trouble attracting more women in his life afterwards and if he can follow-up with these women… [smile]

So this past weekend, I agreed to help Adam Lyons run his very first U.S. bootcamp alongside Johnny Wolf and Adam’s girlfriend Amanda.  We had 4 students coming in and we had 4 instructors. 

Let me tell you, the weekend turned out to be one of the most fun bootcamp I’ve ever participated in.  I’m not sure if I can credit this to Amanda as she brought balance to this highly testosteroned environment or if it was because… when you hang out with truly exceptional guys, whatever you do always turns out fun.  (more…)

This is the final piece to the “Female Perpective of the PUA Summit” series. Keep in mind it was originally written as one article and through editing, it was broken down into three parts. If you missed the previous installments, you can read part 1 and part 2 by clicking the links below:
- A Female Perspective of the PUA Summit, pt. 1
- A Female Perspective of the PUA Summit, pt. 2

Orleans from VinDicarlo.com

Speaker number nine, only a few more to go. Orleans spoke about the Vin DiCarlo Kino Escalation ladder. His primary focus was to use physicality and move under the girl’s radar to go from meeting to fucking mostly via touch. When meeting someone, use proper body language and do not touch erogenous zones at first.

He explained that women may back-rationalize their action when it relates to sex. He suggested that when you don’t have sex with a girl at the first opportunity you have, she may think “Oh. I didn’t have sex with him, I must not like him.” To me, that statement is total garbage! Just like guys say that having sex with a girl on the first or second date doesn’t change whether or not they end up dating, not having sex with a guy the first or second time a girl meets him does not mean she doesn’t like him!

If anything, waiting can build sexual tension. For me, if I’m not comfortable sleeping with him (even when I totally want to) and he respects my “no”, I like him more because it tells me that he sees me as a person, not a place to “stick it.” I don’t deny that some girls may think the way Orleans described, but almost every girl I know who truly likes a guy will still like him even if she didn’t end up sleeping with him after the first meeting.

On biological level, Orleans said that men and women are wired to be attracted to each other. “All you have to do is not fuck it up.” He is mostly right but his statement doesn’t explain homosexuals who are wired to be attracted to the same sex. Of course, that is clearly not the demographic he was talking about. However, I don’t believe we are wired to be attracted to everyone. You guys can probably relate to this considering the fact that most of you won’t game a girl unless she is a “7″ or higher.

During his presentation, the thought of rape entered my mind when he discussed how the Kino Escalation Ladder was a way to “take down resistance.” Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think he was advocating rape at all, but “taking down resistance” is a tactical phrase and seems scary when used in conjunction with sex. If my mind went there, I can guarantee you that most women would have also thought about that when they hear about the escalation ladder. The ladder itself didn’t scare me but the idea of “removing last minute resistance” did. I’m paraphrasing below what he explained:

If a girl says “no” when you are trying to remove her shirt, don’t remove it. Instead, work somewhere else on her body and come back to it later. You really don’t need to take off her shirt to have sex with her. Similarly, if she says “no” to sex at that moment, try to arouse her in other areas and try again later.

That explanation gave me the chills because it reminded me of a time when I hung out with a guy I did not know well. I ended up having sex with him even though I didn’t really want to because he was pushy, we were isolated, and I wanted things to be over with so I could go home without making a scene. To be clear, this was not rape but it sure as hell didn’t help me feel good about myself. Today I would have made a scene and could care less about what he or anyone else would have said. My experience with that guy did not help me gain trust in men (obviously, not all men are like that). In another experience, I fell asleep at a guy’s house on the couch and woke up to him touching me. I started crying instead of being outraged. The sad thing is these experiences taught me to be very cautious of men. Men were not trustworthy.

The older I got and the more positive people I modeled myself after, the more confident I became. As I gained strength, my self-esteem rose and I stopped ending up in situations where this would be a problem. However, I know that some women still face this issue. Hopefully, they can find their own strength and confidence to avoid these situations in the future or someone can take them under their wing to teach them. Interacting with the opposite sex can get complicated.

One such complicated scenario is when a girl says “no” while her actions are saying “yes”. When that happens, you have entered a really grey ethical area. Personally, I would hope that every guy stops when a girl says “no”. Make her accountable for what she says. Legally, this makes you (the guy) safer. When I am indecisive about going further with a guy, the fact that he stops builds higher levels of attraction for me. I feel much safer with him the next time. For example, my last boyfriend never pushed me to have sex the first several times we got together. I wasn’t ready. My body wanted to but not my heart or mind. By allowing more comfort, he gave me time to be 100% sure that I wanted to have sex with him. None of the sexual tension was ever lost. If anything, more was created and I was very much into pleasing him.

To verify the legal ramifications of the potential improper use of the escalation ladder and to check if there was such a thing as “accidental rape,” I talked to a third year law-student about the concept of “taking down last minute resistance.” She was not 100% sure on the law but offered some interesting points.

1. Some girls are afraid of being called sluts so they act naive as if they don’t want something but they do. [Editor's Note: This is what Alan Roger Currie calls "Wholesome Pretenders" in his book Mode One. ]
2. She agreed that the ladder may be skeevy and gross if you look at it as manipulation but it’s not rape (check with an actual lawyer to be sure). It isn’t coercion or duress either because there is no threat of force or physical harm.
3. If you get a girl drunk or intoxicated and she is unable to consent due to intoxication, you are in another grey area. It is a lot less grey if she got herself inebriated. Another good reason to never buy a girl you don’t know a drink!

From some of the classes I’ve taken in the past, my understanding is that the law has a hard time recognizing harm when things that are not tangible (tangible refers to something like a threat or actual use of physical force). So if you are talking about emotional damages, the emotionally-harmed person is sometimes legally SOL (Shit Out of Luck) for damages. They usually either have to carry forward their pain in their interactions with others or seek therapy.

When looked from a different light, the escalation ladder seems like an excellent foreplay and arousal guideline for people who have already genuinely connected. The scene I am imagining now is when your girl isn’t feeling sexual for whatever reason but she is still hot for you. From previously establishing a sexual relationship with her, you can tell that she’s kinda into sex that night so you help her feel more attractive and help her feel more attraction to you via your touching. You are arousing her enough for her to want to have sex with you.

Of course, maybe I’m not looking at the ramp the right way and it couldn’t work this way, but I’m sure ya’ll will correct me if I’m wrong. I also think that the ladder would be a great way to increase the sexual tension/attraction when you have built too much comfort.

Before Orleans walked on stage, I found him to be cute but as he kept talking, he looked more and more like a teenage boy to me. I hear that most girls who meet him when he’s on the prowl unequivocally find him attractive. I can see that… but I guess I like guys who seem more manly.

Johnny Wolf

I’ve known Johnny for a few months now. I met him with Khiem at the SoCal Lair meeting in April when Asian Playboy (APB) was talking about interracial dating. APB had a lot of good things to say on overcoming cultural bias (ie. racism) and so does Khiem (Khiem’s approach is different than APB’s and can be applied to sexism as well). On the few times I have hung out with Johnny, I have found him to be a gracious and entertaining host. He is down to earth and easy to talk to and I feel totally comfortable introducing my female friends to him. He is also up for trying new and fun things. He always has something going on in his life which makes him an interesting person.

Johnny mostly talked about his experience: how he is open with his sister and friends about what he is doing with the Seduction Community, and how learning about pick-up has helped him become a more interesting guy. He also reported back on his lay with one of the female entertainers from the night before.

Summit Closure and Aftermath

There were some raffles and a speaker panel to answer the audience’s questions, then it was time for the volunteers to tear things down.

The guy I was working with to take stuff apart was a 22-year old Brit. While I am 7 or 8 years his senior, I still think he was totally hot. If I wasn’t already happy with my boyfriend, I would have been way more into him. He may not have been into me and that’s okay. I found the interaction with him enjoyable. He had a lot of the same qualities that the PUAs (and AFCs) that I connect with have: he was genuinely interesting. He shared some amazingly cool experiences, everything from working on real world science projects to skydiving, to continually improving himself and his ability to get along with others. He was well-spoken. He could think on his feet. We had a lot of common interests and points of view. He was interested as well as interesting. He dressed well. He was healthy in appearance. He was open to new experiences and… he was confident in himself.

I want to make mentions of some of the other PUAs I have kept in contact with after the summit. One I will call JH, whom I first met at the Juggler seminar. He was an impressive young man, both in his drive for self-improvement in an ethical way and also in his good natured view on life. I hope to see more of him in the future. The other, I will call JJ whom I have met up with since the summit. He was also someone I felt connected with. He has a drive to help others the way he has helped himself. He was an amazingly creative fellow. I was touched by the both of them sharing their “before” photos with me. While it is true that their outward appearance had changed somewhat, what was obvious from the expressions in their photos was how their inside had changed too. Today, they both seemed much happier than what was conveyed in their “before” photos.

After everything had been boxed up to Vince Kelvin’s satisfaction, he gave out free DVDs to the volunteers. Afterwards, a group of us (including Khiem, my boyfriend, Crystal & Shrop from Ask Romeo, the Brit, and a bunch of other PUAs) went to eat at Geisha House. Crystal and I were the only females. I didn’t feel weird at all as I was quite used to those ratios and have been for most of my 20’s. I remember having an enjoyable conversation with the gentleman to my left. He was a club promoter in San Diego and talked about how he was able to apply what he had learned from the Community into his professional life, not just into his romantic life.

At the end of dinner, the bill came. Some men began to leave after leaving some money behind. When everything was tallied up, we were short even when a few of us had put in more than our fair share of taxes and tips. I couldn’t help but get angry. The memory of a guy I used to date came up. He used to tell me repeatedly that only when he would go to dinner with a group composed of a lot of women, would he ever have problem getting the total amount of the bill covered, that women were always trying to stiff the group.

I wasn’t screaming or yelling but my tone of voice and my body language changed. I also stopped paying attention to my surroundings which in retrospect, detracted from the experience of other people. Instead, I focused on the problem at hand and on my unresolved anger that did not go away, even after my boyfriend had solved the initial problem. I was mad that this situation was clearly not something that just women did! I was mad that something was attributed to women when it was clearly not just a woman thing! Of course, the person I was still mad at, wasn’t even there to witness how wrong he was. I know this wasn’t my prefered or ideal self but when I have an unresolved hurt mixed with alcohol, I sometimes do the most human thing: over-react. That’s another example of how alcohol detracts from the experiences of our lives. I’m fairly sure that if I had not been drinking, it would have been easier for me to deal with my unresovled feelings in a more graceful manner.

I discovered that a strong and kind leader could really help in diffusing my emotions. Shrop was able to cool me off in less than 30 seconds. He took both of my hands in his, looked me directly in the eyes and very calmly and firmly acknowledged my anger when he explained that this was not a male/female issue. This was a large group at a restaurant issue, no matter who the group was made up of. His calm physical presence and his soothing voice helped me realize what I already knew was true in my core — this really wasn’t a male/female issue but someone important to me in the past had resurfaced in my memory and I carried that frustration into the present moment. In essence, Shrop provided me with a corrective emotional response by being a strong, calm and kind leader who helped me ground and recenter myself. He effectively took me out of anger and out of the past, and brought me back into having a good evening. He left me better than when he found me.

The more I learn about the Community, the more mixed my feelings on it become. Right now, my feeling stands at 75% positive, 10% negative, and 15% uncertain. I had a very positive introduction to the Community via my friend Troy and an education of mostly the good stuff via Khiem. I am lucky that most of the people from the Community that I have let into my life are dynamic, genuine, kind and caring. Up until recently, I was much more inclined to doubt some of the bad press and negative reviews that I’ve read about PUAs but I have to admit that some of it is probably true.

My biggest concern is for the young men who find validation in consistently increasing their number of partners. They seem to only feel alive when they are on the hunt. I am afraid for their happiness and the future of their relationships when I realize that some parts of the Seduction Community seems tailored to encourage men to run on the hedonic treadmill. Filling the “void” with an endless stream of women will not help a person create a long-term satisfying life. It increases the risk of contracting an STD and becoming a vector for diseases, or bringing a child into the world without two parents commited to the child’s best interest. The skills the Community teaches might be better utilized as an adjunct to a achieving or maintaining an already enjoyable purposeful life, rather than the implementation of efficient social and dating behaviors as the sole center of that life.

Men are important. I liked all the messages I heard about confidence and honesty. I think women could benefit from knowing these things too. Many of the PUA teachings are transferable to women — for example, how to be a good conversationalist! Some women out there are painfully boring. They could be really interesting but they have no idea how to be dynamic or engaging. Overall, I think the Community has a lot to offer the guys who are good at heart and who need a guiding hand on becoming a genuine, confident man so they can connect better with amazing women and people. However, I can also see how the culture of the Community could prey on the insecurities and sexual craving of men to permeate dogma that may be unhealthy for the long-term happiness of these men.

Like many professions, the Community teaches tools. For example, law school teaches lawyers how to advocate for their clients in the legal system through the use of special language and protocols. Lawyers can be helpful or harmful. Sometimes they’re neither. Any tool can be used to help or harm, just like guns can be used for hunting for food, self-defense, equilization of strength and murder.

Pick-up teaches men how to present themselves to the world in a way that helps them convey the incredible person they are on the inside but it can also teach them how to falsely fill the void with pussy. They learn to discard old habits that are remnants of their past selves and through their self-improvement journey, men get to recognize their own attractiveness so they can become more confident in their skills to interact with others. Overall, I think there is a lot to gain from learning things in the Community but sometimes, I would encourage men to take a step back to think for themselves. Is what you are learning healthy and does it align with your purpose or lifestyle?

Hmm, I just got a new idea. I should write a post called “10 Reasons to Become a Pick-Up Artist That Aren’t About Sex.” Yeah! Maybe I will!

If you’ve missed part 1 of my “A Female Perspective of the PUA Summit” series, go read it here.

I went to lunch with Khiem, Adam, Amanda (Adam’s girlfriend), Tung, Carly (Tung’s girlfriend) and three other guys. In the middle of Hooters, one topic came up to which we came to a resounding agreement: Pick-Up Artist and Seduction Community were t-e-r-r-i-b-l-e names for what some of the guys do. A lot of the things these guys teach has more to do with improving your social skills, building up your confidence and making yourself a more interesting, socially-engaging and dynamic person than purely picking-up women.

We were supposed to be back at 2:15 p.m. if we didn’t want to miss the next speaker but we all decided to be late. When we walked back in the room, I saw David Wygant and gave him a warm hug hello. I had met him a few times before while out with Khiem. He was the same energetic guy that I remembered from the Viceroy where I first saw him speak and a party we both attended. He was going to speak soon, right after Grungey.

Grungey was giving tips for doing day game but since I was largely absent from his talk, I can’t give a good summary now.

David Wygant

I first met David at a meet and greet event in Santa Monica. I remember having the same feeling with him that I had with Wayne “Juggler” Elise. When I saw him speak that first night, I was like “Who is this guy?” in some kind of weird disbelief. He wasn’t the peacock I had expected him to be but as he continued speaking, my reaction changed to “Who is this guy?” in a more curious and attracted kind of way.

At the summit, David was the most energetic and powerful speaker. He obviously demonstrated a lot of skill speaking to an audience. He reminded me of motivational speakers like Tony Robbins.

David started out by telling the audience that “There is no such thing as picking up women.” Everything you do is about being social, sociable and engaging. In order to do this, you must be genuinely interesting, interested and focused on who you are talking to. Like Adam Lyons, he teaches that making friends wherever you go is beneficial. You should talk to everyone. You do not want to be the hunter or the carnival act.

One thing that was very “David” was his stand on women and alcohol mixed together:

The best women to meet are not drunk.

David himself rarely drinks. He believes that alcohol interferes with making a genuine connection with the other person. I have to agree. I learned from experience that not drinking the first few times I meet a guy allows me to more likely figure out whether he and I are a good match.

David urged guys to get to know the girl without being scripted. He told guys to be attractive.

If you want to meet amazing women, be amazing. Don’t focus on getting laid. Make the conversation about the other person. Stimulate her mind. Be challenging in a friendly way.

I know this is harder than it sounds. To me, being happy is the most attractive way to be. If you don’t know how to “be attractive”, then be happy. Isn’t that what pick-up is for: to teach guys how to be more attractive?

On sex, David explained that there was no reason and no magic words that would make a woman have sex with you. Women will sleep with you when they are ready. Sex with a woman on the first night you meet her usually sucks. When you wait until she is ready, the sex is better. “It will be amazing!” There is a higher way to connect with people. “Weak, is convincing a girl to sleep with you.”

On phone game, David encouraged guys not to abide by the three-day waiting rule. If you like her, call her. When you wait, you lose momentum. By being different from the other guys, she’ll find you more attractive. Don’t get caught up in the interaction mechanics. Be a leader.

David re-emphasized the importance of talking to everyone and to consider each person as a potential friend.

How do you know you like someone you don’t know?

Like the other speakers, he also stated that you can only control what you do.

He also addressed the concept of “being on.”

You don’t have to be “on” all the time. Pick the places and times that are best for you to be “on”. Allow yourself to fail. Being good with women is not going to happen overnight. Be in the moment.

I think being in the moment is an important concept — we cannot will our future or past to be different. The only thing we can do is be in the moment as ourselves. Who we are from moment to moment will change our future over time in our favor as long as we are true to ourselves. I also believe that enjoying every moment, finding a silver lining when we can, will help us be happier people.

He then talked about fear.

Fake fear is all in your head. Real fear is life threatening. Fake fear is not knowing what to say… or worse, not remembering what you said to whom. There is a simple remedy for that: tell the truth, then you don’t have to remember a thing.

From his presentation, I really liked what David had to say. He is very genuine and confident. I also like that he coaches women! From reading his blog, I don’ t always agree with everything. There are a lot of things that I don’t agree with in the Community, even though I don’t always say it.

Eternal and Gravity from RISE (Rapid Intimacy Social Education)

During David’s speech, one of the RISE guys asked me if I’d be willing to volunteer to help them with a dance game. I would be asked to dance on stage with an audience member, then I would dance with the speaker and finally talk about my feelings from dancing with them. I accepted. That sounded fun.

I will refer to Eternal and Gravity collectively as “he” or “they” since I don’t remember which guy was which. Helpers were passing out a handout that is on their website. They started talking about same day Fuck-Close (F-Close). I found that ironic, considering that David Wygant just spoke about how sex the first time you meet a woman is not as good as sex that you have after you take time to know her!

I had fairly mixed feelings about the RISE guys’ material. Some of it was good but some of it seemed manipulative and hurtful.

The good: they advocated to “BE YOURSELF.” What I really like was that they clarified how being yourself did not mean “drink beer in your underwear at home in your mother’s basement.” At the same time, “Be yourself” also meant you DON’T have to put on a character to become “Ladies’ Man.” What “be yourself” really meant was:

Put your best foot forward. Be the best you you can be. It means breaking the habits of bad body language and learning body language habits that help you demonstrate who you really are.

They went on to explain how changing your body language can help you become more of the confident person you want to be. Specifically, how you feel about yourself is going to naturally change the way you behave. I totally agree with that. Irrespective of the pick-up context, people really can change their mood/feelings with changes to behavior!

The other thing they pointed out was the difference between actors and artists. “Actors imitate. Artists create” (in truth, actors can do both, but that wouldn’t help their point). The point they were making is that if you learn a talent, don’t exercise it like someone else — make it your own. I personally think the difference they were talking about was very subtle. In the same way there is a difference between playing piano like Rachmaninoff and playing the piano brilliantly like you, both require taking the time to learn and practice. It’s a skill to hone unless you’re a natural and even naturals can improve.

What I felt more or less neutral about was:

The ultimate demonstration of your value to society is that you have your life, and you don’t care what others think, but this is not arrogance.

I happen to not agree with it. It doesn’t mean the statement is bad. My quibble is semantic because as you know, the language you use is important for structuring your reality or frame. “Demonstrating” anything carries the connotation that you make a point to show it to others. This implies that you actually care about what others think (which is a contradiction of what they are trying to say). IMHO, there is nothing wrong with taking other opinions into consideration, as long as you consider yourself first. I prefer Thundercat’s take of being good enough or not good enough. If you are good enough for you, it really doesn’t matter what others think. And yes, this isn’t about arrogance.

The stuff that creeped me out was:

The most powerful method of attraction is to allow someone to enjoy the interaction, then pull back a little, just out of their reach, not unattainable but out of reach and then go back.

They call this “tease and please.” I call this a form of “operant conditioning” by use of “intermittent reinforcement.” I don’t find this to necessarily relate to attraction. This is more about conditioning. The bad part for me was to think that when the “teaser and pleaser” does it intentionally, you have premeditation. The premeditation and the strategizing is what made it feel kind of creepy.

On kino, Eternal and Gravity advocated inappropriate touching followed by joking it off. For example, he told a story where he saw a girl who wore a shirt that said “I Love Lawyers” at the club. He walked up to her and touched the “love” and “lawyers” (on the top of the breast area) then said “No you don’t, you love money.” As a woman, I would feel uncomfortable with some random guy coming up to me and touching me in the chest area. I understand that context is important in determining what works or not. In his situation, it seemed it worked out okay, but to condone touching girls like that… ugh. Some poor guy who is trying it out might try it “wrong” and may get in deep trouble for it.

They continued with negging and backhanded compliments. At this point, I wrote in my notes: “I feel like I am in the second grade: boring.” On one hand, I can see how a neg works. However, if a neg isn’t actually an insult, then it has a terrible name. On the other hand, I hear negs are supposed to “knock a girl off her pedestal.” The one-up, one-down game is actually not going to make a person feel better about him/herself (there will always be someone “above” and “below” you). It strikes me that having a girl on a pedestal is all a matter of your very own perception. If you put a girl on a pedestal, it tells me that you don’t value yourself enough which creates the need in you to knock someone else down. This is a self-esteem issue and the constant need to knock someone down to boost yourself is unhealthy. I prefer the philosophy laid out in this article by theApproach on Mutual Value Escalation, which is also written about in the Transition to Natural Game, part 2, although I have some quibbles with that article too.

Let me share a personal story: I used to live with a roommate that was getting his Ph.D. in philosophy at one of the best schools in CA. Some of my friends thought he was very arrogant; however he never struck me as arrogant. I found out that the people who thought my roommate was arrogant or stuck-up actually felt insecure, on some level, about their own accomplishments in the area that he excelled at. Because of their insecurities, they had to knock him down by framing him as arrogant.

The RISE guys explained that backhanded compliments are not meant to hurt so they won’t if you don’t mean any harm. Wait, what? If I don’t intend to hurt someone’s feelings, I won’t? Wow… all those people I’ve accidentally said idiotic, yet hurtful things to before are WRONG for feeling hurt?!? WRONG I SAY. What a relief! (yes, that was sarcasm). More seriously, I wondered at this point if the RISE guys and I both learned the SAME English. In my lexicon, a back-handed compliment is meant to hurt and belittle someone in a “clever” way.

Later on, they talked about using guilt and fear tactics. On step VI of their hand out, they tell guys to foreshadow regret. Create in her the sense that if she does not want to do something with you, she may never get another chance to be with someone like you or anyone as great as you. When I heard that, my question was: how do you feel about people who are trying to sell you something you aren’t sure that you want? I know they are trying to do their job but I find them personally annoying. For me, if that’s how a guy wants to play, he can play with another girl. If the girl (or you) is genuinely busy and you want to see her, suggest alternative times. The girl may do the same. That’s what I do when I am busy. Do not try to convince me to see you or like you. I will find you even less attractive.

However, the concept of regret is not without merit. If you are truly a guy who lead a life you absolutely love, the kind of life with lots of friends and social engagements which wouldn’t allow you the flexible schedule to meet anyone at anytime they wanted, then letting the other person know that it may be difficult to have another opportunity to meet you is acceptable. A person who has a full life is complete by themselves and THAT is attractive. I felt the RISE guys were trying to imitate such a person, instead of truly creating that kind of life. That was the opposite of what they advocated earlier. It’s really about authenticity and genuineness, not imitation.

Then, they did the dance demonstration. If I had to pick one thing to learn from these guys, this would be it. The “dance game” seemed the most important and valuable out of their presentation.

By the time I got on stage, I didn’t like the presenter very much, but I set aside my feelings because I already agreed to help. I was going to dance with a member of the audience for about 30 seconds first, then I would dance with him. Each time, I was to honestly tell them how I felt.

The music was on. I was dancing with the audience member. I don’t dance well and neither can he. It’s awkward and uncomfortable. I’m just not into it. Being into it has nothing to do with the guy. It has more to do with with dancing in front of an audience to music I don’t usually dance to. Usually, I’d be okay if I was by myself, with another girl or with a partner who wasn’t trying to touch me. When the guy approached me for the dance, he got closer with his whole body. My normal reaction was to move away. The RISE guy told me to just dance with the guy. While dancing, my discomfort was growing exponentially. I really wanted to stop. I felt relieved when the music stopped. If you want a laugh, buy the video when it comes out. I certainly looked funny!

Now it was time for the RISE guy. He stepped in a little closer then offered me his hand. The hand was a comforting gesture. (1) It wasn’t invading my personal space and (2) it suggested that he knew what he was doing. He led the dance in a more formal way, in a very strong yet not controlling way. He clearly had taken dance classes before. His confidence in his dancing skill and his ability to lead me really helped me feel more comfortable on stage. I had a better time and it was because of him. I felt like his confidence blanketed me. I was somehow auto-magically more comfortable about what I was doing on-stage and I disliked him a lot less. In my opinion, dancing and particularly leading is a skill that is very useful to a guy who wants to better interact with women. Knowing what he’s doing and being able to make the woman look good in doing so definitely makes the man more attractive.

During the RISE’s presentation, two guys came and talked to me. One asked if (1) I was a reporter [no], (2) who I was here with [Johnny and Khiem] and (3) why I was taking notes [because I wanted to remember as acurately as I could and I think some of this stuff is transferable to women]. I later found out one of those guys was Camerone Teone. I talked to him during break, and he told me to go read his article The Freedom to Exist which I think is brilliant. Men and women could very much benefit from reading it.

I think I wrote long enough for today. I’ll finish part 3 over the weekend. Linking to Cameron Teone’s article also seems like a good place to stop because I want to end my part 2 on a positive note. That’s something pleasant for you to chew on before the weekend begins.