I remember high school days… when all the boys and all the girls wanted to know one thing about the opposite sex:  how do I make him or her like me?

Even in college, attracting the opposite sex was a rather elusive endeavor for me.  How do I get her to notice me?  How do I let her know that I want to be more than friends?  Should I be funny around her?  Do I just act nice?  Do I give her a compliment?  Maybe I should do thoughtful things to her.

There was a girl in college.  She was petite, cute, had long black silky hair, she was really funny.  There was an energy about her that just drew me to her.  I didn’t consider her to be the usual type of girl that I would be attracted to.

First, she was Asian.  I know, I know… that sounds terrible for me to say that but even though I am Asian, I am typically more attracted to non-Asian girls.  I blame the whole living and being raised in France thing for that.

Second, she had a light speech stutter.  However, that didn’t seem to bug me.  I thought it was cute!

Third, she was rather small… and that implied a small chest too.  I don’t know about you guys but I love boobs.  Yep, I said it!  Get over it

I think what drew me to her is that I found her to be such an oddity.  She didn’t make sense to me. She didn’t fit any of my preconceived notions of what an Asian girl would be like.

I’m sure you guys have heard of the stereotype.  Asian people drive Japanese cars.  Well, guess what?  She drove the biggest freaking Ford F-150 truck you could find.  With her small frame, I’d watch her climb into her truck and drive away so proudly in it.  Just the image of it still makes me chuckle.

Living in Texas at the time, I should have expected it too but she LOVED country music.  I consider myself pretty open and experimental in my taste of music but I have to admit that country music is definitely not on my preferred list of music to jam to.

Looking back at what slowly drew me to her… and what drew me to all the women I went out with, I realize something.  When it comes to me liking someone, I follow a pretty simple pattern.

First, something gets me intrigued about her.  It could be her looks because she’s just hot.  More particularly, it could be in the way she walks as in she has that weightless cloud-like demeanor to her.  It could be her energy… because she’s very passionate about something, or she shows a lot of compassion or drive for something.  It could be something she said to me… like she’s very flirty but in a non-expected way.  Basically, she would say something that makes me do a mental double take.

Then, as I get curious about her and start hanging out with her or talking to her, I notice that she’s fun.  It’s easy for me to talk to her, flirt with her, chat with her, tease her, be playful with her.  Not only it’s easy, but it feels that she “gets me.”  As we have fun together, we connect not on facts… but on an emotional level.  She either looks at life the same way I do or she makes me look at life in a new and cool way.

Finally, I see in her that she’s comfortable with herself, not just emotionally but physically too… which in turn makes me even more comfortable around her.  No matter what we do, there’s an undercurrent of sexual tension.  We can talk about life, family and work but we are also comfortable touching each other, using light sexual innuendos with one another, bantering… etc.  Nothing she says comes from a place of trying to impress me.  She’s her own woman, she speaks her own mind and act for her own pleasure and deep inside, she knows I want her… and I know she wants me.

So why am i sharing this with you?  Because once you realize how you feel about yourself and how you interact with your world, it’s easy for you to figure out how to make someone like you.

Interestingly, the simple truth is no one can MAKE someone like you.  But by being who you are, by the way you interact with your surroundings, by the things you project about yourself, you can influence her emotions to see you the way you hope she sees you.

There are 3 skills that I consistently notice lacking in people that come to me for help (There’s actually a fourth skill but it’s not really a skill as much as it is your ability to Read the rest of this entry »

I love my guy friends.  There are things that I can talk to them that I can’t talk with other guys.  They are the types of guys that not only know when to give me a gentle pat on the back when I feel down but who also know when to challenge me when they think I’m not being the best me.

Anyone dating them should feel lucky to be with them.  What I love most about them is that they are extremely self-aware, which makes them great socially and in relationships… but they are go-getters too.  They aren’t afraid of going after what they want… and it reflects in their dating lives too.

All my close guy friends date actively.  When they do date, they don’t have much problem attracting women but what is fascinating to me is what we divulge to each other when we discuss how we know a woman is just for fun… or when she actually means more to us than “just having fun.”

One of my friends and clients got married this past weekend too!  It was a b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l wedding.  If there is one thing I learned from that wedding, it’d be this:  Indian people know how to celebrate… and… I now know why they are so good at bargaining lol.

So without much fanfare, here’s my list of how you know when you’ve met the right woman:

1. She makes you hungry for more.  Because of her, you want to achieve so much more…  You are not only thinking about yourself anymore, you are thinking for two.
2. You go home tired but seeing your woman relieves the temporary stress you feel.  Just a few  words of encouragement from her are enough to get you ready to fight another day.
3. You feel unstoppable because she believes in you like no one else before… which sometimes actually scares you a little.
4. Even though she believes in you, she’s not afraid to challenge you too.  She helps you see the world (or yourself) in ways you sometimes haven’t thought of.  She’s not just your biggest supporter and cheerleader, she’s at all times your most respected and beloved equal.
5. You realize that ultimately (and just like you), she’s in no way flawless but she’s plenty perfect for you.  There are always other women out there but she’s the one you like and want; she’s the one you want to create something with.  The depth of intimacy and connection you already have with her is something you couldn’t recreate or have with someone else.
6. As cliche a it sounds, she actually makes you a better man.  Things you wouldn’t tolerate with others, you can tolerate with her.  Things you wouldn’t tolerate in others, you can tolerate in her.
7. Everything you do with her is fun.  It doesn’t mean that you or her don’t struggle or argue from time to time, but everything you do is easier and more fun because she’s with you.
8. People actually see you happier.  When you are together, you both kind of glow and radiate together.
9. You can actually imagine yourself growing with her, not just growing old with her, but growing as a person with her.  You not only like… but want her by your side, every step of the way.
10. You understand that even if it doesn’t work out for whatever reason, you have faith that it will.  But if it was to not work out, be it death or break-up/divorce, you wouldn’t have had it any other way.  You have and had much more to cherish with her than without her.
11. Every time you look at her, you think to yourself:  ”Wow, she’s so hot!”
12. Aside from you fantasizing of the naughtiest things you could do to her, you’ve actually thought of the kind of Mom she could be to your kids.
13. You actually feel like you’d want to give her the moon, oh wait… isn’t that called a diamond nowadays?

As you finish reading this list, I invite you to add your own bullet points in the comments section.  How do you know when a woman is right for you?

I’m also very curious about the woman’s perspective too.  I would like to believe that women can this list as their own but I invite them to share their thoughts too.  How do you know when you’ve met the man of your dream?

I met a new client.  When he first called me, he sounded in a panic.  He said he needed help immediately and was told by another client of mine that I was the only guy to go to.

On the phone, he spoke fast.  Just like a 13 year old girl who just went through some major romantic drama, he felt like he was going through a life and death situation.

I listened to him for a few minutes but he was frantic.  I was still unclear what he wanted from me.

I met him, a few hours later, at his house.

***

A former client of mine called me yesterday too, multiple times.  He couldn’t hold onto himself.  He was feeling down, like really really really down.  He needed someone to talk to.  He needed to vent.  I’ve actually never heard him in such emotional distress and he’s a big guy too, very masculine, pretty secure in himself, flirty and playful but when it came to this one girl, he was at a loss.

He needed me to reassure him that everything was going to be ok.  So… even at 2 a.m., I took his call.

***

Another former client of mine called today.  It seems that when I least expect it, everyone decides to call me around the same time.  At the time I was coaching him, he wanted to be a little bit of a player.  So I helped him flirt with a few women and eventually helped him hook up with a few of them.

Today though, in just a few more months, he’ll be married… to the woman that I made him realize was worth not letting go.  He needed some guidance.  There was a situation at work he wasn’t sure how to handle… and his fiance has been complaining to him about giving mixed signals on his interest in her sexually.

*****

Everyone wants to fall in love.

Yes, you, and you and you and you…. and me.  It sounds like such a simple pursuit… but it totally drives us bat shit insane.

My ex-girlfriend and I broke up almost a year ago… but when I feel lonely, I start replaying memories of my relationship with her.  Maybe it’s because I haven’t met someone that truly grabs my attention yet but I remember the good feelings we had.  I remember the fun we had.  I remember the hot sex we had.  I remember the connection we shared.  I even remember the playful quirks we found in each other.

She was the only one who discovered that if she was to caress or kiss me on my back around my spine, I get super ticklish.  I literally start squirming like a little girl.  How unmanly for a man, right?  But that’s what made her special among many other things.  She saw things in me I didn’t see or believe enough about myself.

As much as I’m a constant flirt with girls I meet, sometimes I think of other previous girlfriends too.  I wonder what they are doing, I wonder if they found the thing that they were looking for that I couldn’t give them.  I don’t know about you guys but I only seem to remember the good parts of my relationship with them.  To me, there’s always a glimmer of hope that maybe one day… I could recreate that feeling with them (even though I’m not trying to at all).

Maybe I’m a little of a hopeless romantic inside and yes, I can admit that as a man but the most beautiful thing about it is that I always cherish the love I felt for each one of them… and the kind of love they gave back to me.  There’s always a soft spot for them in my heart.

Love… everyone wants it.

We don’t always know how to handle it.  We don’t always know how to express it.  We don’t always know where to find it.  We don’t always want to acknowledge it but we all want to fall in love.  We want to feel those butterflies in our stomach.  We want to feel that excitement when he or she calls you back.  We want to feel that anticipation of not knowing what’s going to happen next.  Even more so, we want to feel special to someone.  We want to feel loved.

The shy girl secretly wants someone to notice her.  The hot girl wants someone to see her for more than what other sees her for.  The player wants a woman who can spark something in him in ways that other women haven’t been able to.  The successful business man wants someone to build and share the life of success he’s already created for himself.  The artist wants to find the one to whom he can truly channel his passion towards.  The sexually driven woman wants someone who can not only handle but also reign in her sexual drive in addition to making her feel totally cherished and honored.

We deny it.  We sometimes repress it.  For whatever reasons, we sometimes tell ourselves we aren’t ready for a committed relationship right now.  For some of us, we even run away or mask whatever pain we feel by acting out sexually or worse, by hiding out from people or from ourselves.  Other times, we actually walk away from a perfectly good relationship because we secretly are afraid of losing it.

But the truth is… Read the rest of this entry »