A few months back, David Wygant and I did a blog on what it meant to be a man. 

A lot of people responded very well to that article but we forgot to post part 2.

So today, I’m posting part 2 as I shared my own personal experience looking for role models as I transition from boyhood to manhood.

I’m sure a lot of you guys can relate to it. 

As originally posted on David Wygant’s blog:

Be A Man That Women Desire

About two weeks ago you read a blog about being a man, and what being a man is all about. Of course, now it’s another one of those late nights in my house – which, by the way, I’m looking for a bigger house now, because part of being a man is realizing that you have friends at your house all of the time and you want a playroom. Even though you’re a man, you still like to be a boy, and we tend to hang out so much in my office – I’d love to have a killer den and a guest room.

A lot of guys who take the Bootcamp come and stay with me, clients stay with me, and friends stay with me at my house. My ex-girlfriend Alison said to me the other night that my house is like Camp David. That’s pretty funny – I’m certainly NOT George Bush! – but I wouldn’t mind if my house was actually Camp David.

I like opening my home, I’ve always been about opening up my home to my friends. And it’s fun – I like having people over. I have a cool pad, great furniture, fun toys in my house, lots of computers for people to play on, and a killer dog that everybody likes to hang out with.

So we were talking a little bit more about being a man. A couple of weeks ago we talked about what I feel it is to be a man. Khiem wanted to add something that I thought was really fascinating…

Khiem: For me, I really enjoy talking about being a man, because it’s a topic that is not very widely or often discussed among boys and men nowadays. Society and your family expect you to be a man, but nobody ever really tells you how to be one.

Or, you’re taught: “don’t cry,” “be strong,” “be a man!” But what does that mean? How do you be tough? Does that mean that you become stoic and hide your emotions from everybody? Or does it mean that you can raise your emotions, but not let them effect you?

When I was young, I was always close to my dad, so I don’t have an issue with that, but I remember when I was 15 and older, he was always really absent in my life. Now, looking back, I realize it was a big void because in your late teens when you are maturing, how do you transition from a boy to man?

David: You know it’s interesting – when I grew up, my father was my anti-role model. I didn’t respect him. When I was growing up, we would play football in the backyard, and sometimes my dad would fade back to pass, or go over to the middle to catch something that one of my friends threw, and he was like 6’4” and not muscular at all, and I would go to tackle him and he’d break like the Leaning Tower of Pisa. You’d hear him tumble down.

(more…)

I feel bad.  I haven’t written a lot on the blog recently but it’s not because I don’t want to.  I just have been busy.  Yakub came to visit me and David for the past week and I’ve been taking him around, showing him the good life we have in CA.

If you haven’t noticed, I’ve been working with David Wygant a bit more lately.  So a couple of my most recent posts have been published on his blog instead of mine.  I’ll repost them here sometimes this week.

In the meantime, David, Yakub and I had some really good conversations this past Saturday on what it means to be a man.  What does it mean to be a strong man?  What does it mean to be attractive and desired by women? 

I personally think that the topic of “being a man” is not discussed very often.  As boys, we are told and we are expected to “be a man” but we are never really taught HOW to be one.  We are told to stand up for ourselves and to be independent.

All I remember as a kid were vague “don’t cry”, “be strong” from the various father figures in my life.   But how do you learn to be strong?  How do you learn to be self-reliant?  How do you learn to be an attractive man?

Women, on the other hand, learn to confide in each other.  They share their inner fears and demons to one another.  By discussing them, they learn how to become a woman.  Men on the other hand usually don’t ask each other for help.  We deal with problems on our own. It would be un-manly to ask someone for assistance.

So for the first time here, David, Yakub and I decide to sit down and discuss openly how we feel about being a man.  I hope you enjoy it.

For me, being a man is similar to being a bamboo tree. You are to be grounded and strong but you can bend to the weather calamities at will without ever breaking. That supple core strength is what makes you a “strong” man.