I remember high school days… when all the boys and all the girls wanted to know one thing about the opposite sex:  how do I make him or her like me?

Even in college, attracting the opposite sex was a rather elusive endeavor for me.  How do I get her to notice me?  How do I let her know that I want to be more than friends?  Should I be funny around her?  Do I just act nice?  Do I give her a compliment?  Maybe I should do thoughtful things to her.

There was a girl in college.  She was petite, cute, had long black silky hair, she was really funny.  There was an energy about her that just drew me to her.  I didn’t consider her to be the usual type of girl that I would be attracted to.

First, she was Asian.  I know, I know… that sounds terrible for me to say that but even though I am Asian, I am typically more attracted to non-Asian girls.  I blame the whole living and being raised in France thing for that.

Second, she had a light speech stutter.  However, that didn’t seem to bug me.  I thought it was cute!

Third, she was rather small… and that implied a small chest too.  I don’t know about you guys but I love boobs.  Yep, I said it!  Get over it

I think what drew me to her is that I found her to be such an oddity.  She didn’t make sense to me. She didn’t fit any of my preconceived notions of what an Asian girl would be like.

I’m sure you guys have heard of the stereotype.  Asian people drive Japanese cars.  Well, guess what?  She drove the biggest freaking Ford F-150 truck you could find.  With her small frame, I’d watch her climb into her truck and drive away so proudly in it.  Just the image of it still makes me chuckle.

Living in Texas at the time, I should have expected it too but she LOVED country music.  I consider myself pretty open and experimental in my taste of music but I have to admit that country music is definitely not on my preferred list of music to jam to.

Looking back at what slowly drew me to her… and what drew me to all the women I went out with, I realize something.  When it comes to me liking someone, I follow a pretty simple pattern.

First, something gets me intrigued about her.  It could be her looks because she’s just hot.  More particularly, it could be in the way she walks as in she has that weightless cloud-like demeanor to her.  It could be her energy… because she’s very passionate about something, or she shows a lot of compassion or drive for something.  It could be something she said to me… like she’s very flirty but in a non-expected way.  Basically, she would say something that makes me do a mental double take.

Then, as I get curious about her and start hanging out with her or talking to her, I notice that she’s fun.  It’s easy for me to talk to her, flirt with her, chat with her, tease her, be playful with her.  Not only it’s easy, but it feels that she “gets me.”  As we have fun together, we connect not on facts… but on an emotional level.  She either looks at life the same way I do or she makes me look at life in a new and cool way.

Finally, I see in her that she’s comfortable with herself, not just emotionally but physically too… which in turn makes me even more comfortable around her.  No matter what we do, there’s an undercurrent of sexual tension.  We can talk about life, family and work but we are also comfortable touching each other, using light sexual innuendos with one another, bantering… etc.  Nothing she says comes from a place of trying to impress me.  She’s her own woman, she speaks her own mind and act for her own pleasure and deep inside, she knows I want her… and I know she wants me.

So why am i sharing this with you?  Because once you realize how you feel about yourself and how you interact with your world, it’s easy for you to figure out how to make someone like you.

Interestingly, the simple truth is no one can MAKE someone like you.  But by being who you are, by the way you interact with your surroundings, by the things you project about yourself, you can influence her emotions to see you the way you hope she sees you.

There are 3 skills that I consistently notice lacking in people that come to me for help (There’s actually a fourth skill but it’s not really a skill as much as it is your ability to (more…)

Every guy who had to learn how to be more social, more charming has asked me this one question.  Every time, I try to give as thoughtful of an answer as I can but today, let me answer it once and for all and give the question as much thought as possible.

My biggest problem with a girl is running out of things to say and telling stories, keeping the conversation interesting. It’s a broad question, I know, but any advice?

Keeping the conversation going  essentially boils down to your mastery of two things:

• your listening skills
• your relating skills

For some of you guys, when you talk to a woman you are attracted to, you run out of things to say because you are not actually listening to her.  Instead of enjoying her company, paying attention to her and staying in the moment with her, you let your mind race at 200 miles an hour because you are either trying to anticipate what she’s going to say next or trying to say something clever, witty or funny to impress her.

So the first thing you need to do is slow down.  Get curious about her, get curious about what she’s talking about.  Listen for those key portal words.  When I’m talking to a woman, I personally look for which topics trigger the most powerful emotions in her (passion, excitement, happiness, fear…) and for which topics interest or intrigue me the most (common interest or even my own personal curiosity on a particular subject matter) because that’s where I’ll lead the conversation to next.

I want the woman to feel and attach strong emotions when she’s around me.

Typically, you don’t want to enter the conversation trying to impress the woman.  When you are trying to impress her, you are sub-communicating that you don’t feel worthy of her, not good enough for her.  That mindset comes from a place of insecurity and does not make you look confident… which in turns, is not very attractive to most women.

Your relating skills comes from your ability to share yourself through storytelling.  A lot of guys think they have nothing to say to a woman when in reality, they have many years worth of opinions, experiences and adventures to share.  How old are you now?  26…?  Well, that’s 26 years worth of things to talk about!

Anything in your life can be turned into a story, whether it’s your grocery shopping list or your latest spontaneous mishap.  I personally believe that most people are afraid of opening up not because they didn’t think of doing it as much as they were afraid of being negatively judged.

I say… let people judge you!  When someone judges you, it’s more a reflection of who they are rather than who you are.  You can learn a lot more about someone by watching how they react to you rather than what they tell you.  Yes, even in conversations, actions speak louder than words.

The key to making your conversation interesting and unique is to focus on (more…)

There’s a huge craze right now sweeping across the nation.

Every movie coming out is in 3-D.  Even Clash of the Titans got the 3-D treatment and no matter how much you love Gemma Arterton as Io or Alexa Davalos as Andromeda, the 3-D treatment couldn’t save that movie from  making me any more emotionally engaged to the characters or the story.

That movie made no sense whatsoever!  Seriously… giant scorpions used as donkeys?  Why do they move so slow when used as mode of transportation… when 3 shots before that, they were able to rush frantically towards Perseus with killing fervor?  And don’t get me started on Pegasus, the supposedly never tamed before mystical flying horse.  Why did Pegasus give himself up to Perseus?  Perseus didn’t even have to do anything for Pegasus to accept him as his master!!!

I watched the movie completely amused by the special effects but scratching my head wondering if the movie couldn’t be more appropriately retitled  ”Crash of the Titans.”

Anyhow, enough ranting.  What does 3-D movies have to do with dating?  Well… here’s my question for you today:  how 3-D are you?  Are you a one dimensional or do you consider yourself multi-dimensional?  Do you have multiple interests from which you can have conversations on or are you just knowledgeable in one domain only?

In the work environment, the more specialized you are, the more of an expert you are perceived as and the better you get paid.  In the corporate world, you advance faster if you have an MBA.  In the medical world, you get paid most if you are the surgeon.

But what about… in dating?  Does being specialized breeds more success in your ability to find the right person to love?

I remember college when I was big in competitive online gaming, all I could talk about (more…)