I remember high school days… when all the boys and all the girls wanted to know one thing about the opposite sex:  how do I make him or her like me?

Even in college, attracting the opposite sex was a rather elusive endeavor for me.  How do I get her to notice me?  How do I let her know that I want to be more than friends?  Should I be funny around her?  Do I just act nice?  Do I give her a compliment?  Maybe I should do thoughtful things to her.

There was a girl in college.  She was petite, cute, had long black silky hair, she was really funny.  There was an energy about her that just drew me to her.  I didn’t consider her to be the usual type of girl that I would be attracted to.

First, she was Asian.  I know, I know… that sounds terrible for me to say that but even though I am Asian, I am typically more attracted to non-Asian girls.  I blame the whole living and being raised in France thing for that.

Second, she had a light speech stutter.  However, that didn’t seem to bug me.  I thought it was cute!

Third, she was rather small… and that implied a small chest too.  I don’t know about you guys but I love boobs.  Yep, I said it!  Get over it

I think what drew me to her is that I found her to be such an oddity.  She didn’t make sense to me. She didn’t fit any of my preconceived notions of what an Asian girl would be like.

I’m sure you guys have heard of the stereotype.  Asian people drive Japanese cars.  Well, guess what?  She drove the biggest freaking Ford F-150 truck you could find.  With her small frame, I’d watch her climb into her truck and drive away so proudly in it.  Just the image of it still makes me chuckle.

Living in Texas at the time, I should have expected it too but she LOVED country music.  I consider myself pretty open and experimental in my taste of music but I have to admit that country music is definitely not on my preferred list of music to jam to.

Looking back at what slowly drew me to her… and what drew me to all the women I went out with, I realize something.  When it comes to me liking someone, I follow a pretty simple pattern.

First, something gets me intrigued about her.  It could be her looks because she’s just hot.  More particularly, it could be in the way she walks as in she has that weightless cloud-like demeanor to her.  It could be her energy… because she’s very passionate about something, or she shows a lot of compassion or drive for something.  It could be something she said to me… like she’s very flirty but in a non-expected way.  Basically, she would say something that makes me do a mental double take.

Then, as I get curious about her and start hanging out with her or talking to her, I notice that she’s fun.  It’s easy for me to talk to her, flirt with her, chat with her, tease her, be playful with her.  Not only it’s easy, but it feels that she “gets me.”  As we have fun together, we connect not on facts… but on an emotional level.  She either looks at life the same way I do or she makes me look at life in a new and cool way.

Finally, I see in her that she’s comfortable with herself, not just emotionally but physically too… which in turn makes me even more comfortable around her.  No matter what we do, there’s an undercurrent of sexual tension.  We can talk about life, family and work but we are also comfortable touching each other, using light sexual innuendos with one another, bantering… etc.  Nothing she says comes from a place of trying to impress me.  She’s her own woman, she speaks her own mind and act for her own pleasure and deep inside, she knows I want her… and I know she wants me.

So why am i sharing this with you?  Because once you realize how you feel about yourself and how you interact with your world, it’s easy for you to figure out how to make someone like you.

Interestingly, the simple truth is no one can MAKE someone like you.  But by being who you are, by the way you interact with your surroundings, by the things you project about yourself, you can influence her emotions to see you the way you hope she sees you.

There are 3 skills that I consistently notice lacking in people that come to me for help (There’s actually a fourth skill but it’s not really a skill as much as it is your ability to (more…)

I love my guy friends.  There are things that I can talk to them that I can’t talk with other guys.  They are the types of guys that not only know when to give me a gentle pat on the back when I feel down but who also know when to challenge me when they think I’m not being the best me.

Anyone dating them should feel lucky to be with them.  What I love most about them is that they are extremely self-aware, which makes them great socially and in relationships… but they are go-getters too.  They aren’t afraid of going after what they want… and it reflects in their dating lives too.

All my close guy friends date actively.  When they do date, they don’t have much problem attracting women but what is fascinating to me is what we divulge to each other when we discuss how we know a woman is just for fun… or when she actually means more to us than “just having fun.”

One of my friends and clients got married this past weekend too!  It was a b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l wedding.  If there is one thing I learned from that wedding, it’d be this:  Indian people know how to celebrate… and… I now know why they are so good at bargaining lol.

So without much fanfare, here’s my list of how you know when you’ve met the right woman:

1. She makes you hungry for more.  Because of her, you want to achieve so much more…  You are not only thinking about yourself anymore, you are thinking for two.
2. You go home tired but seeing your woman relieves the temporary stress you feel.  Just a few  words of encouragement from her are enough to get you ready to fight another day.
3. You feel unstoppable because she believes in you like no one else before… which sometimes actually scares you a little.
4. Even though she believes in you, she’s not afraid to challenge you too.  She helps you see the world (or yourself) in ways you sometimes haven’t thought of.  She’s not just your biggest supporter and cheerleader, she’s at all times your most respected and beloved equal.
5. You realize that ultimately (and just like you), she’s in no way flawless but she’s plenty perfect for you.  There are always other women out there but she’s the one you like and want; she’s the one you want to create something with.  The depth of intimacy and connection you already have with her is something you couldn’t recreate or have with someone else.
6. As cliche a it sounds, she actually makes you a better man.  Things you wouldn’t tolerate with others, you can tolerate with her.  Things you wouldn’t tolerate in others, you can tolerate in her.
7. Everything you do with her is fun.  It doesn’t mean that you or her don’t struggle or argue from time to time, but everything you do is easier and more fun because she’s with you.
8. People actually see you happier.  When you are together, you both kind of glow and radiate together.
9. You can actually imagine yourself growing with her, not just growing old with her, but growing as a person with her.  You not only like… but want her by your side, every step of the way.
10. You understand that even if it doesn’t work out for whatever reason, you have faith that it will.  But if it was to not work out, be it death or break-up/divorce, you wouldn’t have had it any other way.  You have and had much more to cherish with her than without her.
11. Every time you look at her, you think to yourself:  ”Wow, she’s so hot!”
12. Aside from you fantasizing of the naughtiest things you could do to her, you’ve actually thought of the kind of Mom she could be to your kids.
13. You actually feel like you’d want to give her the moon, oh wait… isn’t that called a diamond nowadays?

As you finish reading this list, I invite you to add your own bullet points in the comments section.  How do you know when a woman is right for you?

I’m also very curious about the woman’s perspective too.  I would like to believe that women can this list as their own but I invite them to share their thoughts too.  How do you know when you’ve met the man of your dream?

Last week, I didn’t make a podcast because I was out of town traveling to San Francisco.

To make up for it, I decided I’d do a video interview instead this week!  Yay!!!

A few years ago, I watched a neat YouTube video called “Yellow Fever” from Wong Fu Productions.  It was touching and hard to watch at the same time because the main character shared thoughts that I used to have many years ago.  Truth is… I don’t think anyone ought to think like that and I know that you can date whoever you want, regardless of race.

It’s time to forget stereotypes and show what real Asian males think of dating in a multi-cutural environment.

Watch “Yellow Fever” first…

Then watch me interview my friend Kai on his experience with dating women from all over the world.

Lots of more fun stuff are coming up so stay tuned!

As usual, if you want to share a story about your experiences dating or wants to be interviewed, email me.  I’m currently looking among other things for women who want to make fun of guys and bad sex, Asian guys who wants to talk about dating interracially.

As usual, I’m also open for ideas so ask and comment away!