I’ve been meaning to start a series of articles that takes a humorous angle on sex.  No matter how good you are… or how bad… sex is really funny sometimes!

If you are new to my blog, you should definitely read my Kill The Mood Please blog as well as my Most Unlikely Orgasm for Men blog.  I promise you, you’ll never look at sex the same way!  If anything, it will give you a good laugh and put you in a good mood for the weekend

Today, I don’t have a funny sex story for you but I was browsing some of my old documents for inspiration and I came across this nice little write-up that an ex-girlfriend of mine wrote a while back.  I won’t tell you if any of it was inspired by me or not but in either case, you’ll get the benefit of it!  So here it is, in all its glory, for your titillating reading pleasures.

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A lot of men want to be great lovers but they never take the time to ask the woman if they are satisfied with their love making skills.

Women like to have all their senses stimulated.  It’s how you touch her and caress her, how you talk to her and build a connection, how you look at her, how you whisper to her, how you can create and build up desire and affection.  I can’t tell you how many times I have been disappointed in bed by selfish lovers. [Editor's note:  or emotionless lovers]

Men assume that having sex only involves minimal foreplay and go straight to fucking… which usually lasts about 5 to 10 minutes.  It’s just a release for them.  For most women, that’s not even enough to have a (good) orgasm.  Men need to take the time to stimulate the woman’s senses and imagination.

I had an ex-boyfriend who would only be interested in sex for one round, maybe two.  We’d get to business and once he was done, he wasn’t interested in more.  I was just starting to get into it!  It was so frustrating…

I would recommend at least 20 minutes with foreplay which involves kissing, oral pleasure, or even something playful like feathers and blindfolds.  If you really want to get more playful, you can try whipped cream and chocolate syrup to lick off of each other.  Just have fun!  Get creative with it!

After foreplay, don’t immediately start fucking her.  You need to build anticipation so she can have a bigger, stronger (maybe longer) orgasm.  Make her want more.  Tease her a bit with the tip of your dick against her pussy and slowly insert the tip… but not going in all the way.  Slowly insert the tip about 7 to 8 times and then, (more…)

Nothing makes me happier when I have someone wanting to write a guest blog!  The purpose of Kiss N’ Tale is not only for me to share with you guys what I have experienced and observed in the world of dating… but also for you guys to share the funny or interesting sides of finding love.

So if you ever want to share something insightful or comical, don’t hesitate to email me!

Today, I have Cooper wanting to share with you guys a little story.

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My girlfriend and I got together as many people do.  I met her via another friend and got to know her casually before I realized I felt something extra with her… there was an extra spark.

We naturally started seeing each other more and more.  Things moved forward from there.  There was a point where desire caught fire and we couldn’t resist fooling around a little bit.

Just as with any new burgeoning relationship, I was wondering exactly how far I could take things, what turned her on, what would get her excited, what would make her want more etc.

I definitely remember some times where awkwardness played a fun role as we figured each other out.  If you’re like me, you prefer things start out less intense instead of too wild, certainly not boring by any means but you can always intensify things up from there.  I like to feel my new partner out at first, ask her questions about what she likes before our naughty intentions completely take over.  I like to say things like, “Where should I kiss you…” and smile as I test her with a little smack on the ass and say, “Yeah, you like that?”

Everyone is naughty, some more than others.  Some won’t allow themselves to wander in the realm of sexual imagination whereas others want things that most of us wouldn’t even dare imagine.  All of that is perfectly fine and I find myself to be somewhere in the middle.  I sometimes chuckle, maybe out of embarrassment, when someone says something dirty but what I’m really thinking is, “Oh yeah baby, bring it on.”

Dirty talk is really the best (and I’m not talking about the lame porn style way either.  That’s just not hot).  If you haven’t done so yet, you’re missing out!  You just have to feel your partner out and see how much she enjoys it and how comfortable she is with it.  Start slow.  Don’t take it too far, try some nibbling with a little love smacking and some vocal “ooo’s”, “ahh’s” and “you like that, don’t you?” I know that dirty talking my girl certainly revs my engine up!  I know she enjoys it too.

Then move up from there… maybe even to full blown verbal role plays.   (more…)

Pardon my bluntness here but let me ask you something:

Are you a great lover?

Really.  Honestly.  Don’t try to blow yourself up here.  I’m not the one to judge you.  Look straight into my eyes and tell me how good of a lover you are.

No, no, no, don’t laugh either.  I’m asking for your own benefit.

You see, I love nicknames.  

Nicknames are fun.  Every time I give someone a nickname, I just feel that much closer to them.  I particularly love giving nicknames to the girl(s) I’m dating.  It’s very endearing and guess what, she likes it too.  The fun part is seeing what kind of nickname the girl might give you.

And… let me tell you.  There is ONE nickname you don’t ever want to be called.  

You don’t want to be “Dildo…”

No, I’m not “Dildo.”

“But a lot of guys are,”  as my girl from Vegas claimed.

Think of the imagery for a moment.  Guys = Dildos.  How funny is that?!?  It makes total sense!  Most guys don’t know the first thing about sexual pleasure beyond kissing, some basic fingering or tonguing techniques and in-and-out hip movements.

No wonder women are so picky about who they sleep with.  They don’t want another lame lover.  If all that they wanted was some in-and-out poking of their vaginas, they could just as well pull out their favorite plastic toy.

Men like that are disposable.  They are no better than dildos.

My friend from Vegas is in her late 20s.  None of the guys she’s been with in the past 10 years has ever taken the time to figure out where her G-spot is.  That’s totally absurd!

It’s like all they do is find a way to stick it in, pump a few times and there… that’s their idea of sex.

If the guys were a bit more sophisticated, they’d have learned something about female anatomy so they’d know a few special sex positions or techniques to specifically stimulate the various erogenous zones (aka G-Spot, Anterior and Posterior Fornix, Clitoris, Perineum area… etc.) and… eventually, after they’ve explored all the technical aspects of sex, they’d have played with speed and depth variation or how rough they’d go at it.

Sounds like a lot of fun and it is!  But great sex goes way beyond that.

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