Hello everyone, my name is Jack.

I’m friends with Khiem for the past month and a half. We met after my bootcamp with theApproach.  

You might have noticed he hasn’t written anything for a while.  Well… his laptop broke last month so he’s been going nuts not being able to get his daily dose of porn – ahem… I mean… update his blog.  So in the meantime, he thought it’d be great for me to write out my own journey learning “the game” (he hates the term :p ).  

Don’t worry.  His new Macbook Pro just arrived a few days ago so he’ll be back in full force soon.  You Apple fans out there can thank me for getting him to switch.  He was going to buy a Dell if I didn’t intervene.  Phew, one more nerd saved!

I first took a workshop/bootcamp with theApproach about 2 months ago.  Their lead instructor, Sebastian Drake, taught the course himself so it was hands-on coaching from the master himself.  I learned a lot and I will probably give you guys a full report of my experience with theApproach bootcamp in another post but today, I want to write about my own realizations and experiences as I learn to become a better, more social and overly more attractive man

Growing up, I was horrible with women.  So after college, I decided to improve myself.  I wanted to be able to date the women I really wanted.

In the past 2 months after the workshop, Khiem has personally coached me.  He has taught me many underlining principles about attraction and dating which made me see clearer on what I need to improve to become better. 

Learning techniques is one thing… but the techniques don’t mean anything if you don’t know how and when to apply it.  It also doesn’t mean much if you don’t know what kind of emotional impact it has on the girl.  

One of the key thing I learned through Khiem is to pay more attention to how the woman feels emotionally.  When you make yourself aware of where she is emotionally (aka if she’s comfortable enough with you or whether she’s feeling intrigued by you… etc), you know better how and where to lead the interaction.

Let me explain this through a story of mine from this past weekend. 

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I love it when someone wants to write a guest post on my blog.

There are lot of guys out there who have something good to say about meeting women and they don’t all charge something for sharing their knowledge.

Today, I have Robert Z from www.MasteringTheArtOfAttraction.com wanting to talk about the mindset you should have when you approach a woman.  After talking with him by email, I learned to appreciate the maturity he has that only comes with age.  In his 40s, he has the experience to truly understand what guys go through when they are trying to learn to get better at this whole dating game.

Robert likes to focus on giving pragmatic advice on how shy guys can build up their self-esteem with strong inner game techniques.  He’s an advisor on Zan Perrion’s Natural Game forums so I’m more than happy to have him stop by to share his knowledge.  I’ve recently met Zan at the PUA Summit this year and I just love his work.

It’s always easy for someone to tell you what to do when you approach.  Say this, do that… but it’s harder to teach you the right vibe.

At the beginning, you might need to learn WHAT to say… but eventually, you should really focus more on HOW to say things and how you should perceive yourself and the woman in the situation at hand.  The way you deliver your lines and your body language projects a certain image, a certain vibe that once you get down pat, makes it SUPER easy to meet and attract people. 

You’d be surprised how people react to energy and vibe way more than words.

The funny thing is that vibe has to come from within.  You can very rarely fake it.  Even if (more…)

 

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It always surprises me how a small change in the way you do things can dramatically enhance your results.

I think the biggest problem with people today is that they do not show real intent in what they truly desire.  What I mean when I say that “they do not show real intent” is that their actions are not aligned with what they want.

A lot of people will state a purpose, an intent to do something but they do not act upon that intent.  For example, if I was to say “I am looking for a job” but I was still not finding a job after six months, am I really looking for job?

Keeping yourself honest with your intent is what’s going to make you successful in whatever you do because you are allowing yourself to express yourself freely with no restraint nor care.  In the context of meeting women, showing romantic intent goes beyond stating your sexual interest.  Do your behaviors with the woman you are interested in consistently show an explicit sexual overtone?

If you are only looking for casual play, are you mistakenly showcasing your provider/boyfriend traits to her instead of your “just for fun” qualities?

I have a friend who really liked this one girl.  They’ve been talking every day for the past 2 weeks through phone, online chat or text and have seen each other in person about twice a week.  From the way they were flirting, there was definite sexual tension between them… however, they were still just friends.  After much encouragement from my part, he finally gathered the courage to kiss her.  She was hesitant at first to reciprocate but eventually, she kissed him back. 

Actions speak louder than words.  It’s better for you to show intent through your actions than to wonder where you stand.

In the next few days, her barrage of questions regarding whether he was ready to continue with the romantic intent made him self-conscious.  He didn’t kiss her nor did he hold her hand the next few times he saw her.  In retrospect, she was voicing her own insecurities to him and he didn’t know how to handle that.  Tell me:  what do you think would have happened if he kept his actions congruent with his intent?  Because of his seemingly lack of direction, do you think the girl is confused now?

Most people are looking to be led.  Showing clear intent to the people around you allows them to react and behave accordingly to what YOU want.  More often than not, they will accommodate your desires and the more consistent you become at reinforcing your intent with your actions, the more people become conditioned to responding to you a certain way, thus setting a precedent.

If you want to get romantic with a girl, have your actions explicitly shown that intent?  I’m not recommending you to flat out tell a girl you like her upfront, but does your behavior show sexual interest?  Do you look into her eyes and hold eye contact passionately?  Do you subconsciously always find reasons to touch her?  Do you flirt or tease her?  Are you challenging her to be the unique woman you know she is and do you make her feel like one?  Do all your behaviors create a sexual vibe?

My friend JC and I talked a lot about intent the other night.  He has become quite good at approaching women and getting their phone numbers.  However, his return call ratio for dates was less than ideal.  (more…)