I haven’t written on my blog in a while… and I haven’t forgotten about it.  I just haven’t been inspired as much.

I used to write a lot on topics related to the teachings of the Pickup Artists but ever since I started working with David Wygant, I’m starting to care less and less about what PUAs believe or teach.

The truth is… meeting women isn’t that hard.  If you’ve been submerged in the PUA Community for a while, everything they tell you makes meeting women sound really really really hard.

You got to be alpha!  You got to lead!  You got to peacock!  You got to be fun!  You got to touch more!  You got to plough through her bitch shield/resistance!

Have you ever stopped and thought:  Damn, that’s a fucking lot of “you got to do x, or y or z”!!!  You really got to wonder…  Men have been hooking up with women since the dawn of time, how did they do it before?  Shiiiiit, how did your parents do it?

If I was to listen and believe everything PUAs teach, it’d seem that women are trying to do EVERYTHING in their power not to hook up with you.

The reality is… women DO want to meet you.  Women do want to hang out with you.  Women do want to hook up with you.  But do you really believe that?  Are you too much in your head to really notice?

It’s really not that hard!  If you’ve been reading and using PUA material for a year or more and you still haven’t been able to date and hook-up occasionally with some women, maybe you are trying too hard!

Ask yourself:  Are you nice?  Are you a little bit cool, fun or interesting?  Are you normal (aka fun and non-creepy)?

You really don’t need a PhD in the latest PUA technology to be that, do you?

I’ll tell you right now what’s important:  do you have a minimum level of social lifestyle.  Do you go out?  Do you have hobbies?  Can you make friends?

If you can make friends, you can meet women!

And if you can make female friends, you should be able to go on dates.  Being able to make friends with women means that women find you safe and fun enough to hang with you.  And if so, why aren’t you going on dates?  And I’m not talking about group dates either.  Are you going out alone, 1-on-1 with her?

If you go out on dates enough, you should be able to get laid.  You may not be getting laid like a rock star but you are getting laid!  Make the math yourself.

1 date per week = 4 dates per month

Do you know what is the average amount of dates women claim they have before having sex with a man?  Three!

So assuming you are pretty normal, pretty chill and you go out with the same woman once a week, you connect with her well and you don’t do anything super wrong to actually turn her off… well lookee lookee here, you might just have gotten some!  You just got laid!!!

Let me pull out my calculator again.  So… if my genius calculations are correct, you just got laid at least once a month based on the assumption that most men and women hook up by the third date.

And notice this:  if you go out with her every week, you actually have a spare 4th week.  The 4th week is your margin of error… in case she wants to wait a bit longer and you need a 4th date to get intimate with her… or who knows, maybe plans didn’t pan out on one of the weeks or one of you just got sick or tired one week.

This is the most common and fairly conservative take I could give you on a realistic semi-active dating life.

If you are any good, you can probably have more than one date per week.  If you’re fun, you and her may actually hang out more than once a week after the first one or two dates.  Your chances of getting some can only increase if you become more proactive in your social life or if you fix your bad dating habits.

So how hard is it really to meet women?

Quite frankly, from working with David Wygant, the 2 most common problems I’ve found with men and their dating life are:

1. Having an active enough social life that is conducive to meeting women
2. Knowing how to turn a woman on

Most men think they need to build killer inner game to approach women… killer confidence… alpha-esque demeanor or witty James Bond-like conversational skills but the reality is:

Get a social lifestyle!!!  That will take care of your ability to meet women.  The more comfortable you find yourself doing the things you love, the less likely you are to freeze up when you want to talk to a woman because you are in your own environment!  It’s really a comfort level thing.  Like David said in his Men’s Mastery Series, choose 5 locations that you go often to… and start socializing there.  Get to know people.  Start with small talk.  You’ll eventually talk to the women that go there and it will all feel easy.

As far as learning how to turn a woman on, most of that takes care of itself if you hang around enough women… or better… if you hang around enough guys who are cool and attractive.  Most cool guys know how to flirt with women.  Just watch them… and soon enough, you’ll end up emulating them without knowing it.

If you have to take an academic approach to learning how to turn women on, watch a lot of sex educational videos and read more on sexual psychology.  Turning a woman on is like a dance.  You just have to learn how to lead her mind and body.  You have to create a safe environment for her to express her sexual side to you.  You got to talk directly to how she feels about herself.  It’s not rocket science.

So seriously, for the guys out there who are really struggling, stop reading so much about pickup.  Go out there and make it easier on yourself to meet women by being normal and learning to just talk.  Just say something.

You don’t get extra points for doing fancy crazy approaches or make outs in the middle of the street or club.  You don’t get extra points for being super duper confident a la Pickup Artist.

All you want is a nice girlfriend, right?  All you want is to get a little bit of action, right?

Well get out there and be normal!

Surprisingly, most women are looking for that normal, yet fun easy going guy.  Ask the damn women!  They’ll tell you.  There are more creepy guys out there than you think.

You aren’t THAT bad!

I talk about this with my close friends all the time.

Meeting women or meeting anyone for that matter isn’t that hard.

Attracting women into your life and consequently becoming intimate with one is much easier than you think…

… if only you’d stop making it hard on yourself to connect with her.

I see it all the time during bootcamps:  the monkey chatter, the insecurities, the excuses.  Guys get so blinded by wanting women that they let let their own fears get in the way of being present in the moment with her.

Guys try to think so much ahead that they forget to listen and act on their very own desires and urges.

They just think too much.

Their misguided perception of what is going on hinders the real obvious truth.  Forget everything  you know about how attracting women is supposed to look like.  Forget everything you read from the Seduction Community for just a brief moment.

When you are with a woman, when you are truly there with her, listening to her, being with her… what do you feel?

What do you want most in that moment?

Being good with women is all about who you are, how you think and how you carry yourself genuinely to the very things you care about and want.

For once, listen to your dick.  Stop pretending you don’t enjoy or want women.

A friend once got a girl so sexually ramped up that she was completely enamored with him.  What she wanted was so glaring obvious.  Unfortunately, in the end, nothing happened even though they were in her bedroom.

Why?  Because he started questioning himself.  He started hesitating.  He started thinking too much instead of really flowing with what was right in front of him.

Stop analyzing what you HAVE to do to get her to RESPOND to you a certain way.

If you want to kiss her, kiss her.  If you like something about her, tell her.  If you want to hold her hand, do so… but here’s the magic trick:

…if you can make her feel it already in her, you won’t have to force anything.

You can let it be.  You can ride the emotion.

If you can make her feel the desire to be with you, if you can make her feel curious about you, if you can make her feel the urge to do things with you, you won’t have to think about what to do to get her to agree to be with you.

Intrigue…  neg…  push-pull…  sexual barrier…  compliance…  every technique you may have learned from the Seduction Community is meant to affect the woman’s emotions about you.

Stop learning the techniques.  Start learning about how you impact or even influence her emotions directly by your behaviors, by who you are.

All of that starts with you knowing what YOU want.  What do you like?

When you are talking to a woman, where do you want to take her emotionally?

Do you have a direction to the experience, the fairy tale you are creating with her?

You don’t have to be a super duper Pickup Artist (PUA) to get women.

You just have to be you, the you without the fears, without the insecurities, without the hesitation, the most authentic and powerful version of you that’s been there all along, deep inside of you, scared of truly coming out.

When you are confused on what to do,

• Don’t ask “does she like me?”, ask yourself:  ”do I like her?”
• Don’t ask “what do I do to get her to like me?,” ask yourself:  ”what can she do for me to like her?” or… “is there something in her that I may like?”
• Don’t ask “what should I do now?”, ask yourself:  ”what do I REALLY want to do now?”
• Don’t ask “why doesn’t it work?, ask yourself:  ”what else can I do?”
• Don’t ask “does she want to kiss me?”, ask yourself:  ”do I want to kiss her?”
• Don’t ask “what do I say to her?”, ask yourself:  ”what do I see?  what comes up to my mind?” and just say it to her.
• Don’t ask “am I being too xyz?”, ask yourself:  ”does it really matter?”
• Don’t ask “what more can I do to get her attention”, ask yourself:  ”does she really see me for all of who I am?”

When you meet somebody, do you see more barriers or more opportunities?

When I interact with someone, I only see opportunities.

I see the opportunity for her to get to know me.  I see the opportunity for me to get to know her.

I see the opportunity for both her and I to learn to appreciate one another, to celebrate our individual uniqueness.

When a woman gives me the cold shoulder, I see it as an opportunity for me to show her how truly friendly and caring I am.

When a woman questions my judgment or my actions, I see it as an opportunity for me to show her how truly confident I am in what I do and believe.

When she hesitates with something, I see it as an opportunity to make her feel more at ease when I lead her with conviction down the path I know is both right and good her and me.

When you focus and act on what you truly want, there is no room for hesitation.

Whatever I do, whatever I say, I own it.

Things are always easiest when you make a choice, when you make a decision.  Don’t linger.  Don’t think too hard.  Don’t question yourself all the time.  Act on things.

At every step of the interaction, all I think about is:  how do I keep this moving forward?

Attracting women is really not that hard.

Instead of creating barriers between you and her to get together because you use tricks, gimmicks or game, make it easy on yourself.  Remove the barriers.

Acknowledge the inherent sexuality that exist between a man and a woman.

Attraction is bound to happen if you just let it be.

Let that sexual desire blossom inhibited.

I’m just a man.  She’s just a woman.  The only thing separating us is space… and at any given time, she or I can determine how much space stays in between.

It’s something I’ve come up recently.  My friends love it.  It’s so simple, yet it says so much.

Say it… over and over again.  Soon, you’ll understand.

See what I see.

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If you want to learn things you can apply today to better your dating life, David Wygant’s Men’s Mastery Audio Series is one of the best out there.  He coaches men and women so he knows and understand both sides of the equation.

If you want to kick up a notch your understanding of how to be the naturally attractive man you ought to be, go check out Vin DiCarlo’s The Attraction Code.  He will explain in depth how you should think about what it means to be attractive.

I find it so very funny.

It always amazes me how assumptions and stereotypes sometimes get the best out of us.

Last week, I spent almost an entire week in Vegas to visit my girlfriend.  While there, I met one of Jack’s NYC friend.  For the purpose of the blog, let’s call Jack’s friend Manuel.  

If you are new to the blog, Jack is one of the guest writers on my blog.  He’s a good friend of mine, 23 year old, Chinese, fairly good looking guy and extremely fun to be around.

Manuel is this Nicaraguan guy, working for a well-known corporation in the US, doing finance.  He’s in Vegas for a job recruiting event.  He’s actually the speaking representative for his company there.

I first met Manuel in the lobby of the Riviera, flirting with the girl at the facial care products stand.  Jack and I were passing by to put my stuff in the room when I saw him talking to the girl, trying to get to know her while allowing her to practice her sales pitch on him.

When I first saw him, he looked kind of handsome.  He was definitely not “model type” handsome but he presented himself well.  His image was clean and fashionable.  He was wearing brown True Religion Jeans, a  nicely pressed black shirt overlaid with a corduroy sport coat.  His outfit matched the long pointy yet square-ish, cowboy-ish shaped shoes he had on.

He was about my height (I’m 5′10), maybe a bit taller and looked very stout.  He’s not lean and muscular like those 3 hours a day gym rats.  He was big in the sense that he probably played football at some point in his life and still carried that “meatiness” that most guys in that sport tend to get after they stop playing.  He also had a gut so by no means was he good looking but he was handsome, looking the way he did.

I heard very good things about him from Jack.  Jack told me that Manuel was kind of a natural.  He supposedly had a natural ability to casually engage women in conversations.  According to Jack, most women like him.  He’s fun and pretty comfortable with himself.

When he was growing up, his brothers always teased him and gave him a hard time.  I guess that’s how he learned to not take teasing so personally and how to accept himself.  Maybe it comes with the territory from being raised in a hispanic culture and all… but Manuel knew how to take verbal abuse.  He knew how to give it as well.  I found out much later that he could be really funny with it.

Pickup Artists (PUAs) would probably say we were AMOG-ing each other all weekend long but I would like to think we were just giving each other some tough love and man was it fun!  (For the non-initiated, AMOG-ing is the PUA term for guys giving each other shit to one up one another.  It’s like a verbal battle of the wits, usually to impress and win over a girl but in this case, Jack, Manuel and I weren’t trying to impress anyone.)  

As mean as some of his comments were, I couldn’t help but laugh, especially when he was throwing Jack under the bus.

Jack:  Manuel, right before I met you, I was having no problems with girls.  I was actually just enjoying seeing 2 girls casually for a while but man…. ever since I met you, I’m on this dry spell.  I can’t break it.  It sucks!  Everyone is getting on this “green” or “holier than thou” bandwagon lately.  It’s not like I’m trying to save or conserve myself…

Manuel:  Dude, I don’t know what you are talking about.  I’m on this dry spell too!  It’s your fault.  It all happened after I met you.  I’ve had so many opportunities but they all kind of fell flat at some point.  I know you aren’t saving yourself but hey, maybe you can think of it as you conserving your balls.  You are not over-using them.  You are keeping them healthy and going green at the same time!

All:  HAHAHAHAHA 

Jack:  You bitch!

What made Manuel so charming is that he was so down to earth.  He was funny but not a clown.  He was strong but not overbearing.

Overall, he seemed like the kind of guy who wouldn’t have too many issues with women.

That’s what I assume a lot of times when David Wygant and I see clients during bootcamps.  We’d meet these highly successful and sometimes very handsome guys who are articulate, intelligent and socially well-adjusted.  By most social standards, they look attractive… so why are they taking a bootcamp?  Sometimes, you’d be surprised by the insecurities they hold in regards to women.

It was only a matter of time before Manuel started opening up to me.

He was telling me how his apartment complex had a front security desk.  Not too long ago, he’d go out with lots of women and every few days, the security guard at the front desk would see him come home with a different girl every time.

After a while, the security guy would greet Manuel with a big grin when he’d see him walk in with a woman.  It’s as if he knew something no one else did.  Well… he sure didn’t know anything.

The truth is… more often than not, Manuel didn’t get laid.   (more…)