I talk about this with my close friends all the time.

Meeting women or meeting anyone for that matter isn’t that hard.

Attracting women into your life and consequently becoming intimate with one is much easier than you think…

… if only you’d stop making it hard on yourself to connect with her.

I see it all the time during bootcamps:  the monkey chatter, the insecurities, the excuses.  Guys get so blinded by wanting women that they let their own fears get in the way of being present in the moment with her.

Guys try to think so much ahead that they forget to listen and act on their very own desires and urges.

They just think too much.

Their misguided perception of what is going on hinders the real obvious truth.  Forget everything  you know about how attracting women is supposed to look like.  Forget everything you read from the Seduction Community for just a brief moment.

When you are with a woman, when you are truly there with her, listening to her, being with her… what do you feel?

What do you want most in that moment?

Being good with women is all about who you are, how you think and how you carry yourself genuinely to the very things you care about and want.

For once, listen to your dick.  Stop pretending you don’t enjoy or want women.

A friend once got a girl so sexually ramped up that she was completely enamored with him.  What she wanted was so glaring obvious.  Unfortunately, in the end, nothing happened even though they were in her bedroom.

Why?  Because he started questioning himself.  He started hesitating.  He started thinking too much instead of really flowing with what was right in front of him.

Stop analyzing what you HAVE to do to get her to RESPOND to you a certain way.

If you want to kiss her, kiss her.  If you like something about her, tell her.  If you want to hold her hand, do so… but here’s the magic trick:

…if you can make her feel it already in her, you won’t have to force anything.

You can let it be.  You can ride the emotion.

If you can make her feel the desire to be with you, if you can make her feel curious about you, if you can make her feel the urge to do things with you, you won’t have to think about what to do to get her to agree to be with you.

Intrigue…  neg…  push-pull…  sexual barrier…  compliance…  every technique you may have learned from the Seduction Community is meant to affect the woman’s emotions about you.

Stop learning the techniques.  Start learning about how you impact or even influence her emotions directly by your behaviors, by who you are.

All of that starts with you knowing what YOU want.  What do you like?

When you are talking to a woman, where do you want to take her emotionally?

Do you have a direction to the experience, the fairy tale you are creating with her?

You don’t have to be a super duper Pickup Artist (PUA) to get women.

You just have to be you, the you without the fears, without the insecurities, without the hesitation, the most authentic and powerful version of you that’s been there all along, deep inside of you, scared of truly coming out.

When you are confused on what to do,

• Don’t ask “does she like me?”, ask yourself:  ”do I like her?”
• Don’t ask “what do I do to get her to like me?,” ask yourself:  ”what can she do for me to like her?” or… “is there something in her that I may like?”
• Don’t ask “what should I do now?”, ask yourself:  ”what do I REALLY want to do now?”
• Don’t ask “why doesn’t it work?, ask yourself:  ”what else can I do?”
• Don’t ask “does she want to kiss me?”, ask yourself:  ”do I want to kiss her?”
• Don’t ask “what do I say to her?”, ask yourself:  ”what do I see?  what comes up to my mind?” and just say it to her.
• Don’t ask “am I being too xyz?”, ask yourself:  ”does it really matter?”
• Don’t ask “what more can I do to get her attention”, ask yourself:  ”does she really see me for all of who I am?”

When you meet somebody, do you see more barriers or more opportunities?

When I interact with someone, I only see opportunities.

I see the opportunity for her to get to know me.  I see the opportunity for me to get to know her.

I see the opportunity for both her and I to learn to appreciate one another, to celebrate our individual uniqueness.

When a woman gives me the cold shoulder, I see it as an opportunity for me to show her how truly friendly and caring I am.

When a woman questions my judgment or my actions, I see it as an opportunity for me to show her how truly confident I am in what I do and believe.

When she hesitates with something, I see it as an opportunity to make her feel more at ease when I lead her with conviction down the path I know is both right and good her and me.

When you focus and act on what you truly want, there is no room for hesitation.

Whatever I do, whatever I say, I own it.

Things are always easiest when you make a choice, when you make a decision.  Don’t linger.  Don’t think too hard.  Don’t question yourself all the time.  Act on things.

At every step of the interaction, all I think about is:  how do I keep this moving forward?

Attracting women is really not that hard.

Instead of creating barriers between you and her to get together because you use tricks, gimmicks or game, make it easy on yourself.  Remove the barriers.

Acknowledge the inherent sexuality that exist between a man and a woman.

Attraction is bound to happen if you just let it be.

Let that sexual desire blossom inhibited.

I’m just a man.  She’s just a woman.  The only thing separating us is space… and at any given time, she or I can determine how much space stays in between.

It’s something I’ve come up with recently.  My friends love it.  It’s so simple, yet it says so much.

Say it… over and over again.  Soon, you’ll understand.

See what I see.

—————————————————————-

If you want to learn things you can apply today to better your dating life, David Wygant’s Men’s Mastery Audio Series is one of the best out there.  He coaches men and women so he knows and understand both sides of the equation.

If you want to kick up a notch your understanding of how to be the naturally attractive man you ought to be, go check out Vin DiCarlo’s The Attraction Code.  He will explain in depth how you should think about what it means to be attractive.

Imagine Will Smith, acting as Hitch, enter the library room at the Viceroy Hotel in Santa Monica on a Thursday night.  He is sporting True Religion jeans, red Converse-like sneakers and a collarless form-fitting shirt.  His understated fashion downplays his true good looks.  He is tall and fit.  As he walks in the room filled with 90% men (one girl is present - my friend “Radiant Sun”, formerly known on this blog as the “White Woman”), he looks around with a confident smile.  All eyes are on him but he doesn’t seem one bit intimidated.  With little to no effort, he takes control of his surroundings with charm and energy.  Within minutes, everyone seems entranced by him and for the next hour or so, words of wisdom are shared on the topic of dating.

Now… pause the image you have in your mind.  Switch out Will Smith for a white man in his mid-40s.  Keep the handsome part, but change his looks to a taller and more slender version of Hitch.  Press play again and there!  You now have David Wygant.  If you don’t know who he is, go check his website.  He is what he calls a ”dating agent” and he wants to put you ”into a position to succeed with women in a way that works best for YOU.”  It’s not about just meeting and bedding women anymore, it’s about finding the right woman. 

I listen attentively to everything he has to say and I’m beginning to really like him.  Unlike your average dating coach, he has actually worked with A-listers in the entertainment/business world and teaches both men and women.  He’s also well recognized in the mainstream media as he occasionally writes dating advice for Yahoo! and has been featured in countless magazine articles.  Unlike many pick-up gurus, he doesn’t advocate a one-size fits all approach either.  His coaching is aimed at giving you a strong foundation and building your strengths on top of it.  He wants to give you the tools to be able to talk to anyone anytime, and also encourages you to meet women in places where you have no real competition (he recommends paying attention to the women in your daily routine.  Think of grocery stores, book stores, yoga studios, parks, etc… rather than bars and clubs).  Interesting… indeed. 

I was very impressed with the way David carried himself.  He reminded me of Wayne “Juggler” Elise, but David was a more energetic, fun version of him.  Wayne is funny because he doesn’t take himself very seriously whereas David is funny because he’s just “out there.”  Maybe it’s all in my head but I’m noticing a trend that even Johnny Wolf from SoCal Lair is seeing (yeah, Johnny was out with me too).  A lot of “natural” guys carry a very strong presence.  Their energy level is different based on their personality but they share this very warm, approachable and magnetic aura around them.  I don’t know why yet, but it’s something I don’t sense in indirect method guys as often as in natural guys.  Maybe I just haven’t met that good of indirect guys yet.

After his talk, I stayed to speak with him for 15 minutes or so.  A lot of what he said really hit home with my own personal beliefs:

• He’s not fond of the routine approach to dating because “meeting people is not a game, it’s an art.”  Routines encourage guys and girls to play games with each other and they don’t really teach you to connect properly with women.  “Natural is the only way to live.”
• The best opener is to observe the girl and/or your surroundings and use that as a conversation starter.  From there, you can talk about things you are both interested in and have fun with it (this reminded me a lot of the things I told “StreetWiseKeen” last year when I went out with him on Third Street Promenade)
• Always have fun first (which is the same as what theApproach advocates with their “keeping the proper focus” concept).  Meeting women should not be hard.  It should feel easy and casual.
• You want to always allow the energy in the interaction to flow freely (this is very similar to the Continuous Flow of Action by theApproach)
• Creating sexual tension is very important in solidifying the attraction/seduction.  It’s about making sex her idea.  When you can successfully do this, you enter a new category of men that women want to escalate on first.
• Tantric/erotic massage is one of your greatest tools to achieve great sex.

All in all, David Wygant was the unexpected but pleasant surprise of my Thursday night outing.  What I liked about him most (besides his charismatic energy) is that I could see myself hang out with him.  He is a very engaging person.  I wasn’t afraid to introduce him to my non-Community friends so I decided to invite him out to my friend’s birthday on Saturday night.  Everyone seemed to enjoy his company.

Now, if you want to learn more about him, take a look at his blog.  He posts twice daily and also has podcasts for you to listen to.  I listened to them over the weekend after I met him and they are good.  They are short too… about 10 minutes each so it’s really easy to listen to.

If you want to meet him without taking his bootcamp, he’ll be speaking at the PUA Summit this August 25-26.  When you go buy your tickets, remember that you can get $50 off by using “kissntale” as your discount code on the checkout page.

Now… because I like to give stuff out, I asked David to allow me to offer you guys a free copy his Mastery Audio Series for Men, Volume 1.  It’s entitled “Target Practice” and has 42 min worth of audio on the mindset you should have for successful dating.  Guess what?  He said yes, so download it here (19.5 MB – right click and save as…) before he changes his mind.  Just know that the 8 volumes series is never sold separately and will cost you $169.95 as a complete package.  I haven’t reviewed Volume 1 yet but if you like it, you can buy the rest of his series on his website.  Have fun, guys!

I guess I have been lucky.  For the past 9 months during which I have gotten slowly more immersed into the Seduction Community, I have mostly hung out with “naturals” (guys with generally good social skills and assumed to be naturally good with women ), guys who treat pickup as an extension of their social skillset and “natural game” students.  However lately (and probably because of my blog), I have met more and more guys who come from an indirect method background, guys who practice NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) and even guys who are truly intent on learning pickup for the sole purpose of picking up women and maximizing their chances in having sex with them as quickly as possible.  This exposure has given me a greater appreciation for the diversity found in the Seduction Community but is also alluding me to a much darker side.

Call me naive, but when I was surrounding myself with guys who treat pickup as a hobby, I only saw the positive side of the Community.  It was the side that was focused on self-improvement and becoming a better person in order to better the world.  It was about creating a lifestyle where women would be drawn to you naturally because of the value you bring to their life.  It was about communicating who you are genuinely and confidently.  After meeting more PUAs through the SoCal Lair, I am painting a new side to this picture.  This side have guys wanting to improve themselves as well but unlike the first group, they are focused on becoming better to gain something for themselves.  They want to reach a specific goal (usually getting the girl) and will go to any length to get there.  Sometimes, their goal involves creating a name for themselves in order to feel worthy in life.

I am not implying that getting the girl is a negative endeavor, but the first group realizes that getting the girl is a by-product of being good to yourself and adding value to the world.  Getting the girl is part of a bigger process in which sustaining a fulfilling relationship with a woman is the goal.  The second group seems to be more focused on the short term and looks directly for tactics and techniques to get the girl.  I am not going to discuss what I imagine as the dark side of PUA right now (Neil Strauss talked about it in his book The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists and Tynan “Herbal” also mentioned it towards the end on his interview with Pickup Podcast), but I do recognize two very different kind of men:

1. Guys who are process-oriented
2. Guys who are result-oriented

Most of my friends fall under the first category.  They typically foster a lifestyle in which they show passion and devotion for something outside of pick-up.  These guys are always fun to be with.  What I find exciting about them is that they care for you as a person.  When you meet them, they have a genuine interest in getting to know you.  They get very curious about your life experiences.  If they want to hang out with you, it’s because they find you cool and you can both chill with each other regardless of whether you talk to new women or not.  For them, socializing is about having fun first, and then extending the fun vibe to the people around them.  With this focus, it becomes very easy to approach women and for women to approach them.  When talking about pickup, the topic of women is spoken about in a very casual manner and the philosophy behind seduction tends to be treated with more importance than the techniques themselves.  Pickup itself is not a big deal and everything flows easily.

When I meet PUAs who are more result-oriented, I always feel a little bit awkward with them.  Maybe it’s their vibe but they don’t show as much interest in me as a person.  When they talk to me, I feel like they are trying to use me.  They want to see if they can take advantage of any value I may have to offer.  They want to find out if they can learn something from me and if not, they want to see if they can raise their status/social proof by having me around.  The interaction has a totally self-serving underlying intent.  When going out, they solely find joy in approaching women and  I could never see myself being able to just chill with them for a long period of time because most conversations revolve around pickup techniques.  Pickup is a big deal to them!  If I show any anxiety in wanting to talk to a woman, they would use tough love to motivate me into action way more than use words of encouragement.

Maybe I’m biased but being too result-oriented feels unhealthy.  A common saying is popping in my mind right now:  “Life/Happiness is a journey, not a destination.”  I shared these thoughts with my friend “the Scribe” on a late night session of instant messaging.  Unexpectedly, he confessed to me that for a while, he shied away from the Seduction Community because he had only met guys who didn’t know how to appreciate him on a personal level.  Everything these guys did with him was for pickup related reasons.  It’s like he was “being gamed” by them.

I understand that there’s a time to be process-oriented and a time to be result-oriented.  You actually need both and I know why it’s so easy to become result-oriented.  Guys just want to see positive results to prove to themselves that they’re actually internalizing what they’re learning.  However I believe it’s important to realize that the path to PUA mastery still require us to master the basics which lies in our ability to connect and leave a positive impression on just about anyone.  Be personable!  The better we project our personality outward, the better responses we are going to get.  And what’s a better way to do it than show how we are genuinely interested in the person we are interacting with?  Once the other person feels that we like them for who they are, it’s a lot easier to seduce or convince them to do something for us.  That’s the law of liking/friendship with a hint of the law of reciprocity from Robert Cialdini’s “Influence:  The Psychology of Persuasion.”

No matter what the mainstream press may say, I still believe in the goodness of the Pickup Community.  I have seen many guys’ social and romantic lives change for the better as they embark on this journey into PUA-dom, but there are a few people… I just can’t hang out with.