Wow, what a weekend! I have never seen so many men gathered in one room before in my life!!!

If you were late to the party, Johnny Wolf and Vince “Hollywood” Kelvin hosted the first ever Los Angeles PUA Summit at the Roosevelt hotel this past weekend. No less than 16 pick-up and dating gurus came in to share their wisdom with the audience and I got to say, it was a blast!

SATURDAY 08/25

8:49 a.m.: I open my eyes and look at the clock. Oh shit! I’m late! I was supposed to be at the Roosevelt by 7:45 a.m. to help out with registration. I take a quick shower, throw on some clothes and off I go. (more…)

Everytime I see my Dad, I love listening to him.  He can make any story come alive.  No matter the topic, I get completely captivated by him.  When I was a kid, I used to hear about fiery dragons and knights in shining armor.  Nowadays, I hear about the crazy people he had to deal with during his run-abouts.  All in all, he’s just a damn great storyteller.  The only bad thing is:  I hate talking to him!  I can’t seem to have decent conversations with him.  You see… the art of conversation is completely different from the art of storytelling.

• Conversation is the interchange of views, ideas, thoughts, feelings, facts and data by spoken words.  The goal is to share information.  When I am in a business meeting with senior executives, I want to “conversate” well.  I want to give them the facts as clearly and as concisely as possible so that they can make an informed decision.  A good conversation does not have a purposeful ending.  As long as I have something of value to exchange or add, a conversation can go on forever.
• Storytelling is the use of words, images and sound to depict real or imagined events.  Ideally, a good story can spark interest, add variety, and change the pace of a discussion.  The goal is to convey and stir up emotions or feelings.  When I am meeting people socially, I want to tell stories well.  I can choose to share information through my stories but it is less important for the person I am speaking with to know the correct facts to my story as it is for him/her to see the morale of my story.  A good story has a punch line or a message that the listener can root for.  It has a conclusion.

So why am I making this distinction?  Because I feel that any aspiring Pick-Up Artist (PUA) need to be skilled in both storytelling and conversation:  storytelling first, conversation second. 

Storytelling skills improve your attraction/seduction capabilities.  By learning to be a good storyteller, you can turn even the most mundane conversation into something exciting and fun.  Banter, flirting and role playing all fall under your storytelling skillset.  In the VAC model of attraction, storytelling skills would increase your perceived value (+V).

Conversational skills are about developing rapport with another person.  Friends typically can have hours long conversations because they are comfortable sharing all sorts of information tidbits about their life to each other.  In the VAC model of attraction, conversational skills would increase your value minimally but would increase your attainability significantly (+A).

When I fail to get into or stay in conversation with someone, I know that I am not talking enough.  I am probably trying too hard to look or sound cool; so instead of just talking, I lock up and become guarded.  When I run out of things to say, I know that I am not listening enough.  The other person surely is giving me something to talk about.  I just don’t recognize or know how to capitalize on the opportunities to respond back.

The way to become good at conversation is to always add value to the interaction (+V) and to not cling on the desire to being  always right.  I cannot stress this enough!!!  Conversation is about sharing information.  Open up and learn from new viewpoints without trying to judge too fast.

Let go of your attachment to being right, and suddenly your mind is more open.  You’re able to benefit from the unique viewpoints of others, without being crippled by your own judgment.
– Ralph Marston

To add value into the interaction, Charisma Arts fans will tell you to talk more in the “I-perspective” (first person perspective) because you want to give the other person enough material to relate to.  From there on, your interlocutor can pick and choose which direction to lead the conversation to.  In short, share more about yourself so that both parties can feel comfortable opening up.  Niels Hoven from PU101 has the following great example in his article describing conversation as a tree:

Her: Do you have any siblings?
Bad answer: Yes, I have a younger sister.
Good answer: Yes, I have a younger sister. We weren’t that close when we were young, but we’re really close now (+V). She came out to visit me in San Francisco last year (+V) and we spent all day at the zoo just talking (+V).

On the other hand, when I can talk comfortably with someone but I don’t sense any sparks of attraction, I probably am not making the interaction fun enough.  I am most likely just relating to the topics at hand without investing my own feelings into them.  That’s when I want to use my storytelling skills to stir up  and convey emotions so that I get the satisfaction of seeing him/her hang on my every word.  LOL, yes I know… I am vain like that .  To be a good storyteller, you want to master all aspects of your delivery.  Here are a few tips, starting with tone and pace:

1. If you are a man, speak with deeper tone.  There’s a certain sexiness to the resonance of a manly voice. 
2. More importantly, slow down.  Slowing down helps your listener process your story better.  At the same time, speaking slower gives you the opportunity to speed up if you want to give the sense that something exciting is about to happen. 
3. Use pauses.  Pausing allows the listener to stop you to comment or ask questions.  Getting the listener to participate in such ways get them emotionally invested in your story (+C).
4. Use interjections to convey emotions instead of describing them.  “Oh Mother of God, don’t let me hurt myself!” is a lot better than “I jumped down the cliff and felt so scared inside.”
5. Have a punch line or message.  A story is meant to prove or illustrate something.  By the end of your story, I shouldn’t ask:  what was that all about?  Even role playing and flirting/bantering need to follow this rule.  For example, if I role play a “lovers reunited” scenario, I’m illustrating that the woman and I have chemistry together.  This presumes that she and I developed a certain level of complicity with each other before I even start the role play.  If I did this with a complete stranger within 5 seconds of meeting her and my body language, eye contact or vibe didn’t project that complicity, the role play will fall flat.  Most girls will not get it.  It is not situationally relevant.
6. Be concise.  A story should be short and sweet to get your message and feelings across, so cut down the amount of words you use and get rid of any facts that are not relevant to the point you are trying to make.  You shouldn’t be describing the next novel you are writing.

Now, let me give you an example of how to tell a good story.  Last week, one of my friends asked me to review his DHV (Demonstration of Higher Value) story.  Just as a side note, I don’t believe anyone should ever have to demonstrate higher value to anyone.  You want to show that you have value in your life, but not necessarily HIGHER value… Anyway, that’s the topic for another post.  This is what he wrote:

I’m from L.A.  I never really got into winter sports. What I do love is water sports. I used to have a jet ski and every weekend during the summer, I’d be out at Lake Castaic with my friends. We’d usually stay the whole day, bar-b-que, and stop off for ice cream at the near-by Fosters Freeze on the way back. I also love white water rafting.  I went on a trip with my school a while back and we rafted through Yosemite.  I was on the first raft.  We went through a rapid called the Fluffy Bunny.  I laughed but the guide told me “Hey, don’t laugh, the bunny’ll get ya.”  We paddled hard and fast and missed a rock by INCHES!  I was pretty freaked out, I thought we were going to capsize… in which case, me being a good swimmer wouldn’t help me much.  I’d be more worried about hitting a rock.  However, we made it through fine.  We were celebrating our victory and I look back just in time to see the second raft completely capsize.  The guide told us not to panic or jump in after them but we rowed close and helped them get their raft upright and got them all in the raft. Good thing it was near the end anyway.

This is how I rewrote his story.  I kept the essential elements of his story and amplified the emotions where I could, all while cutting down on all unecessary facts.

I’m from L.A.  I never really got into winter sports. What I DO love is… water sports. I used to jet ski every weekend with my friends during summer.  It was great fun times!  However, my biggest adventure was going white water rafting.  Do you know how that FEELS? (pause/vacuum). Last time I went, it was in Yosemite to go down this river called Fluffy Bunny (she smiles/chuckles).  Hey… don’t laugh!  That’s what I did when I first heard of it, but I’m telling you… the bunny will get ya!  I thought the guide was exaggerating but wow, we really had to padde hard to make it through.  We missed a rock by INCHES!  All I could think off was:  Plllleeeaaaze let’s not capsize!  As scary as it was, it was the most exciting time EVER! The funniest part is that after we got through, we looked behind us just in time to see the 2nd raft capsize. OMG… classic!  I’m glad I wasn’t in THAT raft

Tell me:  which story do you prefer? 

Oh… and if you like short stories, I highly recommend reading The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry.  Depending on the edition you buy, it’s about 96 pages with lots of pictures.  There are so many things I learn from it every time I read it.  The last time I browsed through it, I noticed that a lot of the themes in the book referred to our inability to get in touch with our inner desires and inner self.  As adults, we think too much and I believe that many Pick-Up Artists in training would benefit from the read.  I don’t want to spoil your enjoyment of the story any further so make sure to check it out.  If needed, I’m sure you can find online versions of the book that you can flip through like here, here or here. 

P.S.:  If you liked my previous How to Be Happy and Chanve Your Life post, my friend Drew (a Visual Communication Technology major from Bowling Green State University in Ohio) just created this neat one-page summary that you can print out.  Grab it and have fun!