There are times when I am amazed at the kind of honesty and deep kind of stuff I get to talk about with my guy friends late at night.

If you’ve read my blog for a while, you know I am all about demystifying incorrect beliefs.  I’m all about thinking and living life in a way that helps you achieve the things you set yourself to achieve.

So today, I decided to share with you my raw self.  You get to see me chat honestly about life and dating.  You get to see a side of me that not everyone gets to see unless you know me for a while… or unless you do long-a coaching with me.

Manuel is a friend of mine I’ve mentioned in a previous blog.  He was the jock who needed help with dating.  I’ve helped him for a few months and boy oh boy, he has come a long way since then.  Let’s just say he’s been having some fun.

A lot of the concepts I teach in bootcamps or in private coaching sessions are stuff I’ve experienced and studied myself… and more importantly, stuff that I have experimented with by teaching it to friends to see how it affects their lives.  That’s how I know whether the stuff I talk about works or not.

Grab yourself a cup of coffee or whatever your favorite drink is before reading.

It is a long post but you have plenty of time!!!  You have all the time in your life actually because…  well… we ARE talking about life.

1:16:18 AM Manuel : we tend to get lazy
1:16:22 AM Manuel : in relationships
1:16:23 AM Manuel : men
1:16:30 AM Manuel : don’t you think
1:16:30 AM Khiem : no… I typically don’t
1:16:37 AM Manuel : hmm
1:16:39 AM Khiem : b/c I put a high emphasis on always appreciating
1:16:52 AM Khiem : if I keep the idea of rewarding her behaviors by showing appreciation in various forms
1:16:55 AM Khiem : it keeps her hooked
1:17:04 AM Khiem : so I may get lazy on initiating sex
1:17:08 AM Khiem : but I don’t get lazy in the relationship
1:20:35 AM Manuel : yes, I meant in terms of sex
1:20:45 AM Manuel : sometimes I feel like the fact that it is guaranteed
1:20:52 AM Manuel : makes us take it for granted a little bit
1:20:57 AM Khiem : well maybe for you
1:21:01 AM Khiem : I try to not take it for granted
1:21:01 AM Manuel : in relationships
1:21:03 AM Khiem : b/c I told you before
1:21:07 AM Manuel : hahaha
1:21:08 AM Khiem : if you don’t do the effort to keep her happy
1:21:09 AM Manuel : i know
1:21:14 AM Khiem : her eyes and heart will start to wander
1:21:19 AM Khiem : it’s your job to keep her hooked
1:21:19 AM Manuel : YOU are the Supafreak
1:21:31 AM Khiem : just as it’s her job to seduce us with her femininity
1:22:19 AM Manuel : makes sense
1:22:35 AM Manuel : do you feel that requires a lot of attention on the man’s part? (more…)

I have a love and hate relationship with the PUA Summit.

On one hand, I love it!

It’s the one place where you can openly discuss dating and pickup with other similar minded people.  It’s the one event where you can meet and talk directly to the gurus you’ve learned and read from on the internet for years!

I would be a hypocrite if I didn’t admit that I learned a lot from it when I was still exploring the Pickup Community.

It’s thanks to the PUA Summit that I connected with Johnny Wolf, Vince Kelvin, Adam Lyons and other really nice guys!

This year, they had some of the big names again:  David Wygant, Adam Lyons, Speer, Asian Playboy, Hypnotica, Mehow, Daniel Rose, Bad Boy, Brad P., DJ Fuji and many more!  They even had Kosmo speak there.  If you forgot, he’s the season 2 winner of Mystery’s reality TV show “The Pickup Artist” on VH1.

No matter what you are expecting from a convention like this, you won’t be disappointed.  If you need a few new techniques to add to your arsenal of seduction skills, many of the speakers will share with you what they know.  If you wanted to ask some of them about your personal situation, you can get some quick Q&A in after each presentation.  If you just wanted to wrap yourself around the mindset behind how to be a cool and attractive guy, you’d get that too!

It’s at events like the PUA Summit that you can find out for yourself who’s the real deal.  Which guru do you connect and relate to the most?  How do you like their vibe?  How do you like how they carry themselves?  This is where you can find out if you really want to be like them, if you really want to continue learning from them.  Honestly, some of these gurus don’t have very good looking girlfriends.

Worse, I don’t know if I would consider some of these women “high quality”  (in the sense of… what do they bring to your life outside of sex and/or being your arm candy).

But again, I’m not judging here.  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

The PUA Summit has matured a lot since its first year in 2007.   (more…)

Most of you guys who’ve read David Wygant’s blog already know what David feels about Pickup Artists and their methods.  He doesn’t believe in them.

If you’ve read my blog for a while, I’ve already detailed many times what you can and can’t expect from PUA teachings.

It’s not that they necessarily don’t work.  Most of them are either childish, manipulative or plainly unnecessary (therefore, it takes you longer to get good with women)

Funny thing is David and I still receive a lot of emails from guys asking us the same question over and over again:

 “I recently read a book on xyz method.  I want to learn more about attracting women.  Do you think xyz method is a good starting point for those learning to attract women?”

 Well… before we even answer that question, let me ask you a few of my own: 

 What are you looking for?

• What kind of man are you?  Better… what kind of man do you want to be?  Are you wanting to be a Pickup Artist who speaks in pickup lingo to his friends and who always have to think of techniques every time he meets a women or do you want to be a the normal cool guy with whom women always look forward to meet up?               

• Where do you want to meet women?  A lot of the more funny, gimmicky methods out there are geared for you to use in high energy and loud environments such as bars and clubs.  It’s always good to learn how to have fun in any environments because the more you enjoy yourself, the more you project good vibes and the more attractive you become… however, do you really need to learn lines and games for you to know how to have fun?               

• What kind of women do you want to meet?  I’m not going to lie to you.  I’ve hung out with a lot of Pickup Artists and the types of women they attract are not the same kind of women I attract.  Enough said.  I like to talk to intelligent, caring, independent, emotionally stable and overall confident or self-made women. 
   
  When you read about a method, try imagining what kind of women would fall for those techniques.  I know a lot of PUA will tell you their stuff works on everyone but if you can feel something is fishy when you use some of their techniques or lines, the woman can too!  If they don’t say anything to point it out to you, it’s because they are letting you do your thing… because they already like you.  
   
  This is a huge topic of contention but when you go out using techniques, ask yourself:  how much is the woman liking me because of my use of techniques… and how much is it because she already likes me for who I am and for my energy or vibe?

• Do you see women as just an object to conquer and have sex with or do you truly enjoy and appreciate all that a woman can bring or contribute to your life?  This is not a criticism of ALL PUA methods but let’s be honest, a lot of these guys don’t actually like women.  They just want to bed them and as such, they have loose standards on what makes a woman worthy of the kind of man they are.  I personally don’t want to be with everyone out there.  There’re definitely a few women that I won’t associate myself with, no matter how hot they are.
    
• Do you want your world to center around women?  This is the biggest paradigm shift you have to accept.  The world of a PUA centers around women:  how to meet them, how to attract them, how to seduce them… how to chase them.
    
  Most of the “normal” men who I’ve seen naturally successful with women have their lives centered around what they are passionate about.  Women are a hobby.  These men don’t place their self-worth on the amount of women they have in their lives.  They place their self-worth on whatever activity they get fulfillment from. 

Therefore, if your goal is to learn how to attract women by being confident, by being you, you can skip a lot of the PUA methods out there.

The reason I have is very simple:  learn more about emotions and how emotions affect the woman and you’ll understand them better, connect with them better and in the end, attract them better.

You don’t need a method to learn how to do that.  Methods teach you a set of techniques and tactics.  Methods will give you a list of reasons on why their techniques work, how their techniques are based on the women’s needs and that’s why they successfully influence her emotions but I’ll be honest with you, their analysis is not always accurate.

There is no logic to emotions.

Even if your sole goal is to become a great womanizer, learn empathy and compassion.  Learn how to place yourself in her shoes so that you can understand her world.  By understanding her world, you will be able to navigate through her own emotional chaos and help her open up to you so she feels comfortable letting herself be seduced by you.

Instead of learning techniques A, B or C, instead of learning WHAT to do, LEARN HOW TO THINK about attraction, learn how to understand the emotions behind sexual arousal to make her feel desired, learn how to relate to the women’s needs and even more importantly, learn about yourself.

Attraction is about BEING attractive, not doing something attractive.

Real attraction starts from within because… (more…)