In the VAC model of attraction, the first concept that is taught in bootcamps is the idea of value.  Everything starts with value.  What I like about that concept is that value can be interpreted as broad or as narrow as I want.  As a person who wants to lead a happy and successful life, value can be translated as:  what do I have going on for myself?  As an individual who likes to charm others, what are the tangible and intangible qualities that make me attractive?  If I think in business terms and consider myself a product I am trying to promote, what are my features and functions?  In conversations, am I being interesting?

Technically speaking, you can differentiate universal value (think of general attractive traits such as ambition, passion, intelligence, leadership, dominance, sexuality, humor…) from specific value (think of wealth, being of a certain class/race/group, being of a certain physical shape…) but for our current purpose, it doesn’t matter.  Universal value allows you to attract the broadest range of people, whereas specific value only appeals to a certain group of people. 

Anyway, the most common “mistake” I see in the men that just entered the Community is that they do not recognize how much they have going for themselves.  Most of the guys I have met actually have a pretty interesting life, but they don’t see it.  Instead, they are stuck in noticing what they do NOT have and constantly compare themselves to their ideal self.  Rather than finding ways to display their already attractive traits in the best manner possible, they focus on what other things they need to do to become even more attractive.  I’ll be honest.  I was stuck in that place for a while.  Sebastian from theApproach had to remind me more than a few times to take a hard look at myself and realize that I am ALREADY attractive.

As such, it is only natural for me to ask new guys that I meet in the Community the most important question:  why would anyone be lucky to be with you?  It’s funny to see guys give me blank stares to that question.  I really don’t mean to make them feel uncomfortable, but really…  who are you?  What do you like about yourself?  Do you even like yourself?  What makes you unique?  These questions are not meant to be hard, but a little bit of introspection can definitely accelerate your gains in confidence.  Each seduction company of good reputation will have some sort of confidence or identity exercise.  For example, Dan “Social HitchHiker” from Charisma Arts has a great article that addresses just that.  Neil “Style” Strauss wrote a piece on “Who Are You And What Do You Want?” and asks his StyleLife Academy students to go through a Mission Statement mission that incorporates the following questions:

1. What are your current jobs, hobbies, and/or courses of study? Focus your answers on how you spend your time, not on what you think will please women.
2. Select one of the answers to the question above and write it down here.
3. Given the hobby, job or course of study, what are the most interesting, adventurous things you are or will be working on or studying that impact other people most? In what way does or will it affect them? List them all, whether they impact everyone in the world or just a small subset of people like elderly geography teachers in Cook County.
4. Now imagine that you are a recruiter for that job or hobby. And you want to prepare an advertisement to attract people to that position–people who are not involved in the field and know little or nothing about it. You want to do this by selling them on the importance of the job they will be doing. Keep in mind your answers to the question above, but state the impact in such a way that it will affect the broadest number of people possible. Make sure, however that the answer is truthful.
5. Now examine the sales line you wrote. Remove adjectives, adverbs, and other unnecessary hype words that appeal to emotion rather than stating fact (words such as “exciting”, “biggest”, “best”, “most powerful”, and so on). If possible, replace the hype words and the noun they modify with facts. Now examine the verb or verbs you use, and make sure that they are exciting and active (such as “create” or “launch” or “tour” rather than “have” or “do”). Now restate your sales line only as simply, factually, and powerfully as possible in under 10 words.
6. Now write down your answer to question 5 here. Then say it out loud preceded by the word “I”:
7. This is your identity statement. Say it out loud until you are comfortable with it. If you do not feel that it is both interesting and accurate, rework your sales line until you do.
8. Return to question #3. Select another item that you listed as an answer to question #2. Repeat this exercise until you have come up with an identity statement for up to four of the most interesting jobs, hobbies, or qualities you listed to question #2.
9. List your final identity statements here. Begin each with the word I, followed by the sales line.
10. YOUR IDENTITY:  Examine your identity statements from question #9. You should have from one to four statements there. 
    - Put a star next to the statement that is the most interesting to people outside of the field. 
    - Put a star next to the statement that is the most interesting to women in particular.
    - Put a star next to the statement that is the most accurate.
    - Put a star next to the statement that most reflects the way you spend your time each day.

I personally use a list that attempts to define both your identity and your self-perception:

1. List some of your qualities and uniqueness.
2. What ideals do you stand for?
3. What do you want to stand for?
4. How do you believe people, especially women, perceive you?
5. How would you like people to perceive you before interacting with you?
6. How would you like people to perceive you after interacting with you for the first time?
7. Do you have an archetypical character you’d like to be like – perhaps a celebrity or fictional character?  If so, who is it?
8. Notice the difference between your current self (question 2) and your ideal self (question 3). List a few behaviors you have to adopt, and note the behaviors you have to change or overcome.
9. Come up with 1-3 things/stories for which you are proud of yourself. You will be asked to share those during the bootcamp.

The interesting part is that I have some internet forum guys who doubt the usefulness of this type of inner game excercise.  They tell me that their ability to answer these types of questions do not guarantee an improvement to their confidence in approaching women.  They are right.  Answering these questions really doesn’t guarantee anything, but I think they are missing the point here.  These exercises are not so much meant to help them create a strong sense of identity or self-awareness as much as they are to get them to realize that their value is not based on what others think of them.  It is about self-determinism.  It is only one of the 3 facets of mastery (identity, beliefs and actions).  As David X would say: 

Who the fuck cares what they say?  The most important person in this relationship is ME.

Vin DiCarlo describes that as warm dominance:

Warm dominance means your livelihood and general feeling of well-being is independent of her behaviors and decisions.

This is the very core of natural and direct game.  Even though value is based on perception (in the sense that people sees you a certain way based on their own perception of reality), your inherent value as an individual does not change no matter the situation.  Once you can comfortably accept your strengths and weaknesses, there is no need to impress, entertain or convince others to like you.  As described by Charisma Arts, your mind becomes free to “assume attraction.”  People can choose to like you for who you are as you are now.  If you want to improve your attractiveness factor, all you need to do is communicate who you are well with the tools at your disposition (non-verbal communication – body language, tonality, fashion - and mastery of language – wit, humor, intelligence - etc).

Now, let’s stop a moment and consider another dilemma.  I have met guys who actually have a hard time answering these inner game questions.  It’s not because they are indecisive, but they truly don’t know what they like.  They were once either very sheltered, they are extremely introverted or they lack life experience.  To those people, all I have to say is:  get out of the house!  Put yourself out there.  Expose yourself to new things.  Get a life.  You will not learn about yourself by musing at home.

Here is  an example of my current week’s outing schedule:

• Tuesday:  Comedy show at the Hollywood Improv
• Wednesday:  Eating fire class with Fire Groove
• Thursday:  Asian Playboy seminar with the SoCal Lair, Yelp.com party, hang out with friends at the Four Seasons hotel then the Roosevelt hotel (I saw Lindsey Lohan!) in Hollywood
• Friday:  Histerica Dance Benefit Performance at the Open Fist Theatre
• Saturday:  Brewery Art Walk and Create Fixate
• Sunday:  Morning hike with Hike the Geek and… ?

Obviously, my week is not always this busy and fun.  I don’t necessarily attend all these functions either.  My plans are constantly subject to change but I try to always do something new.  I bet you’ll say:  “But this has nothing to do with meeting women!”  Sure it does.  I have the potential of meeting people all the time by going to the places I am curious about… and it always gives me something to talk about when I strike a conversation with women.  Can you see where my value comes from? 

[ Live an interesting life ] 
All the value you have derive from your past experience and achievements.

So after you can honestly answer ”who are you?”, the question becomes: 
do you like yourself?

Neil “Style” Strauss, the self-proclaimed world’s greatest Pick-Up Artist (PUA) and author of “The Game,” launched his StyleLife Academy this past weekend.  The StyleLife Academy is basically an online program that give men personalized training to become good with women.  I will admit that this online PUA school is the most innovative idea to hit the Seduction Community since Erik “Mystery” Von Markovik  started to teach men live in-field through weekend bootcamps.  It is a positive step forward for men who suffer from severe lack of social skills and who need more personal attention that an instructor can ever give over the course of one weekend.  At $19.95/week, it is no small change for most young adults in their early 20s but it is a fair price that I’m sure the market can handle (which should add up to a nice little fortune for Mr. Strauss).

If you are curious about your potential to become a Pick-Up Artist, take their personal dating skills quiz.  What I found of greater interest is the article Style wrote about the Top 10 Mistakes Men Make When Approaching Women.  I’ve read it… and I read it again, then I realized that I broke most of his rules at some point when I was enjoying being a social butterfly. 

I don’t know about you but I have slowly learned that there aren’t any rules in the field of social dynamics that you can’t break or bend.  For every rule I read, all I can think of is:  why not?  What’s important is not what you can or cannot do, it’s how you do things.  Any “dos or do-nots” lists that you read on MSN or Yahoo dating sites are just mumbo jumbo that is prescribed by society.  Neil Strauss’ special report is no exception.  His article describes what I would call “best practices” for the aspiring PUA.  Each point he makes should be seen as a guideline, not a strict rule that you can’t break or bend.  Let me comment on what I feel is interesting to note in italics:

1. Don’t wait to approach her until she’s alone. Even if she likes you, her friends will soon drag her away.
Overall, good advice.  However, if you find yourself approaching her alone and her friend comes in to drag her away, it’s your job to introduce yourself to him/her first and pre-empt the drag away.

2. Don’t stare at her for more than three seconds before approaching. Hesitate, and you’ll either creep her out or psyche yourself out.
Staring for too long is bad, period.  If you’ve held a little bit of eye contact, it’s your cue to approach.  From time to time, it’s OK to watch from a distance in a non-intrusive way.  You can learn a lot by watching the circumstances of the person you are trying to approach.  Timing CAN be important.  However, this ONLY applies to someone who has no approach anxiety.  Most guys who have approach anxiety shouldn’t do it because they will talk themselves out of the approach.

3. Don’t be afraid to approach her just because there are men in the group. Often, you’ll discover that she’s with family, friends, or co-workers.
Absolutely!  Men are actually easier to approach than women so you should start with them.  Men typically don’t care who you are and what you look like.  As long as you are fun and cool, they’ll talk to you.

4. Never open a conversation by apologizing. Phrases like “Excuse me… “ “Pardon me… “ and “I’m sorry, but… “ make you sound like a beggar.
I don’t agree with this.  The first step to making a successful approach is getting your presence  acknowledged.  You can do this by a simple “hey!” or by calling attention to yourself by slightly touching the outside of their arm.  Using ”Excuse me…” is not optimal but is completely socially acceptable.  It is polite.  The key to doing this is to deliver it right.  You want to say your “Pardon me…” from a position of authority and high value.  Do not pause after it.  Go straight into your opening dialogue.

5. Don’t hit on her or give her a generic compliment. Instead, start a conversation with an entertaining anecdote or question, such as asking the group to suggest names for a three-legged cat or a store that sells 70’s memorabilia. It may sound corny, but everyone loves to give their opinion.
Generally speaking, it’s a bad idea to show excessive sexual interest in a woman too early because most guys do not know how to follow-up without being too nice.  However, don’t feel restrained by this rule.  Using a compliment as a sign of genuine interest can work just fine.  What you want to do after the compliment is to go directly into the personal and get the girl to commit back into talking to you.

6. Never, ever buy her a drink. You shouldn’t have to pay for her attention.
Agreed.  You don’t have to buy anyone a drink to buy their attention at the start of a conversation.  You can buy her a drink later if you are wanting to be friendly.  Just know that women have an unspoken rule about drinks.  If a girl likes you, she will buy you a drink.  If she doesn’t, she’ll let you buy her a drink.  This has been confirmed by many of my female friends.

7. Don’t touch or grab her right away. If she touches you, say, with a smile, “Hey now, hands off the merchandise.”
I personally hate that line.  I understand that you are trying to convey that you aren’t easy… but there are so many other things you can do that would show that.  If a girl touches me, I actually like it!  I want to reward that, not punish it.  When it’s you who want to touch her, don’t get all over her right away.  It’s better to start with casual and friendly touching.

8. Don’t lean in or hover over her. Stand up straight and, if the music’s too loud or she’s seated, simply speak up.
Yes, I agree but don’t take this to the other extreme either.  Leaning once in a while because you are REALLY interested in the conversation is a good sign that you are paying attention.  Women appreciate that.

9. Don’t ask her what her name is, what she does for a living, or where she’s from. She’s bored of talking about the same things with every new guy she meets.
Yes, and no.  You can ask these boring questions as long as they lead to interesting dialogue.  The way to do it is to always add value when you respond/relate to what she tells you.  Typically, limit yourself to 1-3 of them and if you can, don’t ask them all at the beginning.  Spread them out instead.  Asking/answering a few of these questions actually help you because the woman can easily identify you in her mind.  It makes her feel comfortable with who you are.  Obviously, there are a few better ways to do this as well.

10. Don’t focus all your attention on her when she’s with other people. If you win her friends over, you’ll win her.
Yes, always be social and friendly to everyone in her group until you decide to isolate her.  Having fun, making others have fun and making connections is always a win-win situation.

In short, Neil Strauss’ advice is solid but know that you can break or bend these rules at any given time as long as you do it right.  Your actions have to come from the right place. 

On a different note, I want a cool job (aka challenging and fun).  Anyone has something to offer?