Relationships and What Women Want
Posted by Khiem in: Articles


Tonight is the season finale for my favorite reality TV show Beauty and the Geek.  Can’t wait!  To many fans’ disappointment, Niels Hoven got eliminated last week but if you did not know, he maintains a blog and wrote a nice short piece reminding everyone what Valentine really is about:  expressing and sharing your love with your significant other, not buying gifts. 

I’ve never seen 2 fishes kissing before!

The most interesting thing about Niels is that, since October 2006, he has become an instructor for Pickup 101, a company that teaches men how to approach women and make a strong impression in the first 3 minutes.  If you look at the comments to his latest posts, a lot of the readers (particularly the females) are asking:  how does pickup relates to creating and maintaining successful relationships? 

Learning pickup skills only teach men to create some sort of attraction.  Attraction is only ONE part of creating good relationships.  theApproach uses this formula for developing sustainable relationships:

Relationship = Attraction + Logistics + Precedence

At first glance, the formula looks simple enough but it is in fact much more complex than that.  Most relationships fail because people will falter somewhere in the 3 following areas:

  1. Attraction relates to anything you do to keep the sparks flying.  It’s about maintaining that chemistry and complicity in the couple (whether it is by being playful, cocky and funny, flirting, trying new things together, ass slapping, tummy poking, or anything that ANY seduction/pickup/sex books may teach to keep things fun and lighthearted).
  2. Logistics is divided into:
    – social logistics
    – physical/technical logistics
    Social logistics refers to maneuvering one’s social circle (her friends, your friends) whereas physical/technical logistics refers to everything else (your ability to support yourself and to contribute to the dating process — your hourse/her house,  having a car, knowing where to go, having a job/money… etc)
  3. Precedence relates to setting up the right expectations FROM THE BEGINNING. That involves sharing but not compromising on your most important values, punishing bad behavior while rewarding good ones…

As you can tell, relationships are complex.  If only we would teach this in the Sex Education class in high school, maybe our country would experience more successful marriages.  Now the next big question that popped in my mind was: 

What do women want when it comes to love?

If I get this right, you guys owe me a LOT of money because you will NEVER have relationship problems again 🙂  The formula described above tell us how to create and maintain/sustain a relationship but what about love?  Is attraction the same as love?  If you read my previous post, the documentary Song of Songs mentioned that love changes and deepens over time.

I remember a coworker that I was very fond of once told me that her boyfriend was completely stoked when he figured out the perfect gift idea for her.  He was going to buy her a portable GPS system!  She then looked at me and said with a big sigh: “What am I going to do with a GPS system?  I know I get lost a lot and I probably need it… but that’s not what I want!!!”

This is the key to all men’s problems when it comes to love and women:  we don’t know what women want.  After talking to a friend who just got dumped by his girlfriend of 1.5 week, I came to the following conclusion.  Women want 2 things from the men they are involved with:

  • Emotional Support/Reassurance
  • Sexual Satisfaction/Reassurance

“Blasphemy!” you say.  That’s it?!?  Yes.  Assuming you already got the relationship formula right, this is what women want from the men they date.  They want to feel that you are emotionally supportive of them and that you and her can still satisfy each other sexually (remember that spark of attraction we talked about earlier?).  Sadly enough, a study actually showed that too many women settle for mediocre sex, which may explain why so many relationships are short-lived.

Think about it.
– How many women have you seen who can get everything fom their husbands in terms of materialistic and lifestyle needs, yet they don’t feel supported emotionally or sexually?  Could this lead to an affair?
– Let’s take the reverse.  How many women have you seen that are dating someone you would consider a complete loser, yet she stays with him?

In both scenarios, the relationship either lacked or provided emotional support and/or sexual attraction.

What is emotional support?
A woman typically doesn’t want you to fix her problems.  However, she sure wants to know that you are by her side and that you understand her.  She wants to feel emotionally connected to you in a way that reinforces the love you have for her.  She wants you to accept her for being her.

What is sexual satisfaction/reassurance?
Beyond developing the very enjoyable habit of fucking like rabbits, she wants to know that you still find her attractive and desirable over the ages.  I will get flamed by feminists with this next comment but women typically don’t care if you see other women as long as you make them feel they are the best one (obviously, be honest upfront).  On the other hand, a man wants to know that he is the only one to the woman.

Let me explain.  Let’s take a man and a woman who are both having casual/open relationships.  Does the man wants to hear about the other boyfriends?  No.  Does the woman wants to hear about the other girlfriends?  Maybe, maybe not… but does she want to hear that she is the best one?  Definitely.  The man completely ignores whether he is the best one because he wants to think of himself as the only one to the woman.

So there you have it:  my latest ramblings on relationships and love.  If you think I’m right, I’m accepting donations.  Just shoot me an email and I’ll give you my bank account routing information 🙂  If you feel I’m wrong, post a comment so that I can review my theory.

Peace out and much love.

Don't forget to leave a comment
Rate This: 1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars


Leave a Reply

get the skills


Listen to the CHARMING ROGUE audio program on how to become the charming, playful, witty and seductive man of her dreams.

If you want something more customized on how to meet women powerfully anytime, anywhere, shoot me an email and ask for my coaching options!

Got a question? Have a story to share? Want to send me a shout out? Call (424) 2K-N-TALE (256-8253) and leave a message!
show some love

If you like what you read, send me some love so I can buy girls a drink ;p

recent posts
    © 2007-2012 Kiss N' Tale. All rights reserved.