Women DO Know
Posted by Khiem in: Articles, Interviews

You’ve heard it from the Pick-Up Artist (PUA) Community before: 

When it comes to men, women don’t know what they want.

In some ways, it’s true.  Women (and men too) usually base their dating preferences on their past experiences so technically, they (and we as well) really don’t know what they (we) want.  Our preferences CAN change.  It just takes one new “different” experience to make that happen. 

On a similar topic, some PUAs have said that women don’t know how to express what they are attracted to in a way that is applicable and useful to a guy wanting to improve his dating life.  Again, it is sometimes true.  Some women give such vague advice that you really wouldn’t know how to use it without the proper context or mindset but once in a while, women can tell you how the game is played.

I personally like to ask women themselves about their thoughts on male-female dynamics.  You may be surprised at what they will teach you.  A lot of women may pretend that they don’t know you are “gaming” them but they really do!  And when you talk to enough women, you start seeing a recurring pattern in what they will tell you.

Below, I am going to share with you an instant messaging chat session that I’ve had with a girl I met a few weeks ago at a club/lounge.  After speaking with her for a few minutes, I found her delightfully charming.  She is the type of girl who displays a reserved, yet sexy appeal.  She knew everyone I met there that night.  She gave off a very lady-like, classy, graceful vibe and I would definitely consider her a high quality woman.  She’s not your senseless party girl.  She is in her early 30s, she runs/owns her own business and yes, she is hot.  To clarify, she also has no prior knowledge of teachings from the Seduction Community.

The conversation started with how she likes to flirt with a lot of guys but in case you didn’t know yet, flirting doesn’t always mean that the girl likes you for more than friends.

Her: i mean i’ll flirt with all sorts of guys
Her: but i see them as my friends
Me: You make me curious
Her: what? bout what?
Me: How would you pick “your man”?  How would your man makes you feel?
Her: i know this sounds crazy but there always need to be a tension with me n the guy i love
Her: where he would be fearful and love me at the same time. fearful as in fearful of losing me

If you read in between the lines, she really wants to see her man feel raw desire and passion for her.  It’s very arousing for a woman to know that you can’t help but WANT her and her alone.  Any good courtship should involve some sort of sexual tension but before you can even start there, you have to be intriguing.  You want to display some form of value.  You want to paint yourself in ways that captivate her.

Her: how i would pick my man is if he piques my curiosity
Her: n my head is obsessed with him (but he doesnt know that!)

With the conversation starting so well, I dug deeper.

Me: what does it mean when you finally confess: “I AM attracted to this man!”
Her: are u talking bout me defining it?
Her: or someone else saying it?
Her: cuz i always give the weirdest responses. haha.  not normal
Me: I want your answer
Me: I don’t want your general idea of what everyone else means!
Her: in the past, i would’ve said that i wanted to know everything bout him, but now, it really means i want to jump his bones n have his baby. haha
Her: but theres a difference bt attraction n compatibility
Her: i can be attracted to someone but dont want to be with them
Her: totally wrong for me
Her: ok, scratch that baby part
Her: its all mental for me
Her: the attraction has to do with sexual libido.

This is really interesting.  Her answer is very consistent with a lot of the sexually mature women I have spoken with.  Any women who were 26+ of age and to whom I have asked this question have said the exact same thing.  If a girl admits to being attracted to you, she wants sex with you.  However, notice that she also added something very important:  “it’s all mental for me”.  So if you want to have a woman, you have to be able to seduce her mind.  You have to be able to stimulate her mentally.  I let her continue.

Her: but of course, i dont jump his bones.
Her: if i really, really like someone, i am very distant to them. n i take my time

I was very intrigued by this new information.  Why wouldn’t she want to indulge in the carnal pleasures of a man she feels attracted to?  I asked for more.

Me: could it be b/c you are afraid to opening too fast?
Her: i hold the tension as long as i can. make both of us go crazy
Her: right
Her: bc i need to set the bar high
Me: or is it b/c you really want him to make it safe for you to open and feel that desire
Her: no, doesnt matter
Her: to me, there are no rules n boundaries
Her: but i wait n buy my time
Her: bc i like the rewards to be the best. n the ultimate. 
Her: bc if u jump the guys bones too soon, u depreciate it

After a little bit of random chatter, we commented on people who have sex quickly.

Her: ppl who are insecure think that if they dont give all of themselves soon, the other party will lose interest

Re-read that:  “ppl who are insecure think that if they dont give all of themselves soon, the other party will lose interest”.  I sometimes feel that parts of the Pick-Up Community encourages guys to bed women too quickly.  It’s probably stemming from the “fake it until you make it” mentality:  “Oh no… I better bed that girl soon before she finds out I’m really not that cool of a guy.”

For some guys, this is an unhealthy mindset to uphold.  I understand that laying a lot of women quickly is a lifestyle choice but it has to be something you desire.  For the majority of “nice guys” who are just trying to improve their dating success, there is NOTHING wrong with taking your time.  The psychology of attraction is the same whether you take 1 night to get the girl or 3 months to do so.

However, as you gain a better understanding of sexuality and as you develop strong and real inner game, quick lays become a choice that you may decide to embrace… not because you are told to do so but because you finally realize that sex is just the beginning.  It gets better with time.  As my natural friend Marc once told me:

You can’t truly understand and love a woman until you experience her fully… both physically and mentally. 

OK, let’s not get too sidetracked.  She went on describing the process creating intrigue and sexual tension.  The other person has to feel the desire to want to get to know you and hang out with you.

Her: well first, the person needs to establish himself
Her: cuz sexual attraction is always there in the beginning when u really like someone
Her: thats when u get to know each other
Her: but everything else is pretty much humdrum, not necessary to know
Her: like tastes in music, food, etc.
Her: thats when u hold back all the information bout urself
Her: cuz u want the other party to imagine u, to fantasize bout u
Her: u dont want the other party to see u like everyone else- which is pretty much banal
Her: thats what i mean bout holding back bout urself. 

Being able to seduce the woman’s mind is very powerful and you should portray yourself in a very vivid picture in which the woman can see herself in.

Me: so is that what happens when you like a guy?  You start fantasizing about your guy during your day.. or in your bedroom… or maybe you nickname your toy after him if you are into that stuff? ;p
Her: haha
Her: nah, its not that way
Me: It’s ok… really!  I don’t judge 
Her: its all a mental challenge for me to get him to fantasize bout me
Her: 😉
Me: you like the chase, don’t you?
Me: it makes you feel alive!
Her: yes very much so
Her: bc that’s when love develops

I then asked her how is a man supposed to develop his attractiveness.

Me: what does it take for a male to be perceived as attractive?
Her: gosh, not that much
Her: most guys think theyre the bomb if they have wealth, status
Her: basically if u dont have wealth, girls flock to those that others girls want
Her: its all the same thing over n over again.
Her: the psychology of desires repeats itself in history
Her: ppl want what other ppl want
Me: hhahaha

I found it very funny how she was talking about social proof and the concept of attainability here.

Me: so wait… do you believe that if other girls didn’t want the man, you wouldn’t like the man?
Her: yes
Her: well generally speaking, we all want someone that is desired by others
Her: thats what makes it valuable
Her: same goes with commodity
Her: the value of an object is based on the desires for it

To me, her explanation of social proof wasn’t as important as her explanation of value.  The art of conveying attractiveness is in making yourself seem desirable.  In the end, dating/pick-up is about selling yourself.  Why would a girl want to “buy” into you?  Why would she be lucky to date you?  It really doesn’t matter what kind of guy you are, what kind of corky hobbies and interests you have as long as you can demonstrate why these attributes about yourself make you desirable.

Me: how do you explain guys who aren’t THAT social but always have girls?
Her: no its not social
Her: it can be wealth, education, looks, n social status
Her: either one
Her: they have that natural confidence already

The way you portray yourself incorporates all sorts of value.  Having wealth, education, looks and social status are all nice to have.  They are all bonuses for the women that you meet but eventually, all these values have to lead to you gaining and showing real confidence as a man.

Me: Besides being desired by others, what else do YOU find makes a man attractive?
Her: hmm, this is a hard question
Her: its a combination of all sorts of things
Her: i really dont think i can define it in words
Her: i just am attracted to him
Her: a few words so far would be- confidence, masculinity, leardership, empathy and if u wanna get to superficial terms, financial stability and education
Her: but ironically, honesty doesnt have to be there
Her: isnt that weird?

Notice again which words she used first:  confidence, masculinity, leadership.  They are all traits attributed to a masculine, high value alpha man.  I then moved the conversation to ask her what happens after she is intrigued by a man who conveys himself attractively.

Me: being an attractive male is one thing… b/c it makes the girls curious about you
Me: but how does he leverage that attractiveness to actually “close the deal” with you?
Me: you said yourself that you act distant with the guys you like
Her: not in the beginning
Her: i have to get his attention first n hold it
Me: so… eventually, how would this man that you find attractive makes you feel special enough that you want to start a relationship with him
Her: once i know he’s interested, then i take many, many steps back
Me: well… how does he pull you back towards him
Me: so that you end up together
Me: and not “chasing” each other around forever and ever
Her: i give a little
Her: n he gives a little so that we yearn for each other all the time. he makes a move, n then i make a move. we take turns
Her: it all depends on who it is
Her: with a highly attractive male, this is what i need to be
Her: distant n cold. but vulnerable at some time so he knows that im affected by him

From what I understood from the above exhange is that once you can portray yourself as a very desirable man, high quality women will want to share themselves with you but slowly at first, one step at a time.  It’s about giving to each other little by little and creating momentum.  It’s also a mental game.  Women are not playing shit tests on you when they hold back.  They are just wanting to create a waterfall of desire and sexual tension between the two of you to let the pleasure and excitement of courtship last longer.

Her: “how does he pull”?  hmm, he will eventually need to make his moves when the time is right
Me: ok… tell me more
Her: but pretty much when we play these games, we’re really already courting each other in the mind
Her: we pretty much know each other already. 
Her: the bold move comes later. as in a date or whatever
Her: haha
Her: but the date isnt a normal first date
Her: everything is heightened. hard to explain
Her: its very subtle to normal ppl
Her: but since the game has been going on for a while, everything is big
Her: like small touches, glances, 
Me: give me a few examples of “bold moves” that makes you melt
Her: a bold move is like when finally we go out together
Her: its not normal first date where everyone asks each other what they like to do, what they do for a living, yada yada yada
Her: there doesnt even have to many words
Her: its all sexual tension n libido
Her: but of course, i’m not gonna give it up. hahaha
Her: they dont know that of course

The way I translate what she said is that any escalation attempt has to be done in isolation.  A date is a form of isolation where you can be 1-on-1 with the woman but for you to “pull,” you still need to show sexual confidence and leadership (aka “bold moves” and “sexual tension n libido”).

Me: so what would you think is some things that might change your mind and make you give it up
Her: well, time will make me give it up
Me: lol
Her: i dont give it up unless i know for sure he is completely mine.
Her: its all mental where i know he’s going crazy for me
Me: and since you already like this guy… why not give it up?  What kind of objections are running in your head?
Her: n that all he ever thinks of is me
Her: bc if the guy is a player, i cant give it up so soon, familiarity kills it
Her: then i will be like the rest of the population of women he gets daily
Her: bc these types of guys get women all the time, anywhere. so i need to know if i am the only one he thinks of
Her: so i wont give it up unless i know for sure 
Her: i need to occupy his mind so much that he wont think bout anyone else. 

Once again, when it comes to escalation, feeling desired and feeling special/unique for the man is a very powerful arousal technique.  Strong arousal can sometimes override the need for comfort and trust but solid game always establish some form of comfort and trust.  Comfort and trust is really a safety and respect issue for women.  They don’t want to feel used or cheapened.

Me: you show an understanding of man/woman psychology that is very deep
Her: its all from experience
Me: most women don’t really understand it
Me: or they don’t know how to verbalize it
Her: no, they dont. the confident women throw themselves onto an attractive man thinking that will get him to fall for them. but its the opposite
Her: they do everything for him. but they dont realize that these guys only fall in love with their own efforts of pursuing the girl

I personally found her last statement very powerful.  What she said is very relevant for a lot of guys who understand pick-up at a very high level.  Because these guys know how to portray themselves very attractively, they get good at getting women in their life but without some reciprocity, they can’t truly fall in love with these women.  These women come too easily to them.  They contribute to the guy’s lifestyle while asking little in return and in a way, it cheapens their value/appeal for the guy as a suitable long-term girlfriend or wife.

So here you have it.  A woman explains to you how the game is played when she meets truly highly attractive men.  I really loved her insights.  It reinforced a lot of the knowledge I already had about pick-up and dating.  I hope you got as much out of it as I did.  Don’t forget to leave some comments.  If I get good questions, I’ll do a follow-up with her to answer these questions herself.  Ciao ciao for now.

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