The Fail-Safe Way to Engage Someone in Conversation
Posted by Khiem in: Articles

Do I get nervous when I am about to approach someone?  Sure I do.  Sometimes.

Do I ever get blown out when I start talking to a stranger?  No.  Very rarely… if at all.  I personally don’t remember the last time I’ve had a crazy rude reaction to my approach.  Most of the time now, when I decide to approach, I’m just having fun with it.

When you are having fun, everything is effortless.  When you are having fun, you are creating energy and people are attracted to that.  You don’t think things too hard, you don’t care too much about a specific outcome and you definitely don’t get stuck on what people will think of you.  “Having fun” is a great mindset to have when you want to meet and attract a lot of people to your life.

But let’s be honest.  As much as I don’t think too much about how people perceive me, deep deep deep inside, I do want people to like me.  I do want to make a good impression.  If it’s a pretty and cool girl, I do want her to be attracted to me so that we can finally hold hands, kiss, make out and even possibly start having sex LOL.  So is there something magical that I do to engage people consistently in interacting with me?  Is there a magic phrase or word?

Well… no, there isn’t.

You already knew that.  If there was, I’d be a millionaire already.  However, I will let you in on a little secret.  There is something that I do every time before I even open my mouth.  For those of you who are a little bit shy and really need a step-by-step guide to “how to approach,” this is what I do.

I get myself acknowledged first.

Yep.  That’s it.  This is why I almost never get blown out.

It’s all about the delivery.   Whether you are trying to talk to someone for business or personal matters, your delivery is what matters the most.  I think they say that non-verbal communication represents 75-90% of your communication’s effectiveness or something like that.  For me, getting myself acknowledged is an important part of my opener.  It’s really not what you do to make an approach work, it’s how you approach that makes someone receptive to you or not.

Ask any good public speakers.  Your delivery is what will influence people’s initial judgment of you the most.  It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.  Your delivery is what makes you credible.  Your delivery is how people get a sense of who you are.  Your delivery is what tells people whether to take you seriously or not and whether they should give you the time of the day.

I still can’t believe that some of the Pick-Up Artists (PUAs) gurus don’t address this as much as they should.  A lot of them still focus on teaching men what to say instead of how to say it.  Granted, there are situations when a newbie could benefit from knowing what to say through the use of canned material but at a certain level, well-crafted story openers are nothing more than an evolved form of cheesy pickup lines.  By the way, if you want to try pickup lines, go here.  I couldn’t stop laughing reading through that website.

So yes, if you want to consistently be able to engage someone in conversation, get yourself acknowledged first.  Then deliver whatever opening line you want.

Why is it important for you to get your presence acknowledged?  Because you deserve it.  Aren’t you someone worth meeting?  Aren’t you someone of high value?  If so, “make” people listen to you.  Demand some respect.  If you are approaching from afar, give them the time to see you.  Allow them to give you full attention.  Allow them to notice you.  It’s about setting the stage for yourself.   Because the other person is hot doesn’t mean that you should give your power away so quickly.  You are just as important as him or her.

On a more advanced level note, it’s also because you can do so much with getting yourself acknowledged.  You can build intrigue, you can build sexual tension, you can make people WANT to meet you.  In a way, peacocking is an early form of getting yourself acknowledged .

It’s really easy.  Getting yourself acknowledged is a very small adjustment to the way you approach but ultimately, getting that 2+ seconds of eye contact or smile right before you start talking will increase your consistenty in engaging people to interact with you tenfold.  Here are some examples on what you can do:

  • Obviously, give, hold and get eye contact
  • Smile and receive a smile back
  • Tap/rest your hand on his/her shoulder when he/she is busy doing something else or talking to someone else to let him/her know you have something to say
  • Approach from an angle that allows the person to see you coming.  Basically, create a line of sight
  • If entering a group, position yourself to indicate that you are about to disrupt their conversation and wait until they look at you before you talk (if they don’t look at you within a few seconds, use hand gesture or a “hey” to call attention to yourself)
  • When you are already talking to someone but he/she isn’t very responsive, position yourself to “force” him/her to face you directly
  • When walking, call out “hey!” or wave/raise your hand to let the person know you are about to address them
  • Use your body positioning to be in someone’s way or playfully bump into someone
  • Walk up next to someone and make an obvious up and down head movement that shows you are checking them out so that they finally look at you in disbelief/curiosity
  • When entering a venue, stop at the entrance to allow people to see you then immediately walk up to whoever you are wanting to talk to after you’ve made eye contact.
  • (Yes, all of these examples work to “open” someone.  I’ve done them and I have never used a time constraint)

You can go as creative or as subtle/suave as you want in the way you get yourself acknowledged but you really want to convey intent.  If you let people know that you are about to address them, people will listen and talk to you.

Will you ever get blown out?  I guarantee that you almost never will with this approach.

Will he/she reject you?  I don’t know.  I can’t do anything if someone truly doesn’t like you but technically speaking, if you get yourself acknowledged first, no one can ever reject your approach.  When you are being charming and socially savvy, people can’t completely say no to you even when they don’t really like you 🙂

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One Response to “The Fail-Safe Way to Engage Someone in Conversation”

  1. Kamil Says:

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