The Difference Between Attraction and Chemistry
Posted by Khiem in: Articles

Once in a while, I get a very good question on my blog… and today is one of these days where I feel compelled to share my answer with all of you. One guy emailed me this:

Hi Khiem, I am trying to figure out the difference between chemistry and attraction. To me, it seems you can be attracted to someone, but feel no chemistry. That’s why a girl may be willing to go on an initial date with you, and you two can get along, but if there is no spark, she won’t see you again. Does that seem about right?


Well, Ryan, you ask a very good question and interestingly, you seem to already know the answer but let me explain it further for you.

Attraction is basically the process in which a person gets attached to you. Attraction starts with a feeling of curiosity, a sense of intrigue about what you want to be attracted to. If you think about all the things you’ve decided to take on in your life, most things started with you being curious or intrigued about that something. Because you were curious about it, you decided to learn more about it, you decided to pursue it and therefore, you became attached and attracted to it.

Since intrigue is the beginning of attraction, then you can deduce that if you can get a woman to be curious about you, she’ll think of herself as attracted to you and will at least go on one date with you to find out what kind of guy you are.

When intrigued, most people feel the urge to satisfy their curiosity. This is why cliffhangers in movies work so well… this is why TV shows always make their weekly episode finish on a high… in a way to leave you hanging and wanting to know more.

Curiosity is one of human’s biggest driver and motivator. If you understand that, you can use it to your advantage to attract more women into your life. The great thing about intrigue is that it can take on many forms.

You can intrigue a woman by your good looks, by the way you tell stories, by the way you walk or by your demeanor, by the way other people respond to you in a venue (social proof), by your sense of expertise or authority (position of power or authority), etc. Basically, YOU can choose how you want to intrigue a woman based on which facet of yourself you want to convey to her first in order to arouse that curiosity in her.

During this process of intriguing the woman, she will perceive you as “different” from other men she’s seen. You are unique, you are interesting… and therefore, she goes on a date with you.

Chemistry on the other hand is more of a feeling inside of your body. Chemistry usually manifest itself as the feeling of deep arousal or deep emotional connection. It’s a sensation she gets when she is with you. People call it sparks, butterflies in the stomach or even love at first sight.

When you have chemistry with somebody, everything feels natural, good and right. Everything seems effortless because when you feel that chemistry, you feel like they are you, and you are them. It’s a feeling feeling of “togetherness”, or “oneness”.

When you have chemistry with someone, you are constantly aroused by them and you feel constantly the urge to bond with that person on a physical and chemical level.

Chemistry entails a sense of complicity, a sense of… it’s just you and me… it’s that sexual desire and urge that you can create through body language, tonality, eye contact, dirty talk, sexual innuendos and touch/caresses.

I want to make something clear though… chemistry is different from lust. Even though lust may feel like chemistry, lust is more a form of intrigue than it is a form of chemistry. Lust is more a type of curiosity in which she fantasizes or simply wonders about how it would be to be with you in bed.

So going back to your question, this is why when a woman feels attracted to you (aka curious), she’ll go on a first date with you… but she’ll only go on a second date with you if she feels chemistry (sexual arousal or deep connection).

If you guys ever want to learn more about how to attract women and how to become a powerful man, I highly recommend you checking out David Wygant’s Men’s Mastery Series and Vin DiCarlo’s The Attraction Code.

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4 Responses to “The Difference Between Attraction and Chemistry”

  1. Joy Says:

    I just went through this scenario with a gentleman who overwhelmed me after a coffee date.  I was attracted or intrigued as you described.  He was upset when I would not go out again.  He was overbearing with holding hands, kissing and professing deep feelings upon one meeting.
    I could not bear hurting him but didn’t know if it was me being nervous after being windowed four years or if I was having anxiety being with someone I was not comfortable with.  I thought about it and chose the later.  He was offended and felt I was cold and harsh, not giving “us” a chance, and thought we had something special. 
    I had to block his calls.  I was not prepared to describe what I was feeling other than discomfort which I had already explained.  After reading your article I feel confident that I did the right thing.  I let go of the guilt feeling for the hurt he seems to feel.  I must deal with my own emotions before I can take on someone else’s. 
    I must add, this was a very nice and kind person who had much going on for himself.  I realize that it was chemistry that was missing for me.
    Thank you for your article.

  2. Jimmy Says:

    Not all women are good,some women are just after your attention and your time.
    It is best to let them go and move on then when they hurt over you
    you will not be at all fazed by it because it will just be them experiencing the
    pain and you will not be hurt at all.
    I am like this attraction means nothing without compassion in a relationship.
    If you truly love someone then stay with them,yet if you do not let them go.
    As for the saying If you love someone set them free
    and if they return back to you they were yours
    and if they do not return back to you they never were is pathetic and ridiculous
    as it can get.
    God can turn absolutely anything.
    If you truly love someone then just love them and let others go find another man.

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