What is the funniest story you’ve ever heard?

I thought I heard it all…  from weird, to funny, to sad to inpsiring but I got to say, my clients sure know how to keep me entertained.  This one definitely takes the cake!

So here I am, talking to a former bootcamp client on the phone.  He’s updating me on his progress since he took coaching with us a few months back.

When he came to us, he was successful in his career but like many men, he wanted higher quality women in his life.

First thing I taught him was to not be so funny.  I know I know… women say they like a man with a sense of humor… but there’s a difference between being funny like a clown and just being fun.

I prefer my clients to be fun, not funny.

If a woman was to laugh, I’d rather have her laugh because of the great chemistry and tension you two share rather than because you used the latest joke or tease on her.

With him, he was TOO funny.  He would turn many regular conversations into something humorous.  Being funny was good for the first 5 minutes but after that, it distracted women from actually connecting with him on a more real and genuine level.

The second thing I taught him was to develop the lover side of him.  The way he spoke was too platonic, not flirty enough, not sensual/sexy enough.  I told him to work on his voice and speak with a more sexually mischievous undertone.  I also told him to work on his eye contact and smile.

At their core, women respond to what they feel when they are with you.  They choose to go out with you if they feel you are an exciting man.

If the first thing that comes out of their mouth when they think of you is “nice guy,” then you aren’t doing a good job showing your personality.

You want to be memorable!

So based on these 2 suggestions alone, my client started to have an abundance of dates.  Women were just responding to him much more positively than before and going on dates with them was becoming simpler and simpler every day for him.

He was having a blast, but little did he know that the most fun part of dating is that you never know where things may end.  So here comes our story.  Today’s modern tale of romance starts on the fourth date, with a girl he met at a friend’s wedding.

Hit the jump button to read the story.

The date started off with some tea at the Huntington Rose Garden Tea Room.  We arrived close to closing time.  She didn’t believe that we were going to go there, even though she claims she suspected it.  She seemed rather surprised that I actually made reservations.  While we were waiting, we talked about how she just knew all along what we were going to do.  The hostess overheard us and made a comment on how she’s always a step ahead of her husband too.

So I turned to my girl and said, “Be careful what you wish for baby…” with a sly smile.

Little did she know I was foreshadowing the next part of the date.  How would she ever guess I had a 1980’s theme party in mind?  I was taking her back in time to the days when people had afternoon tea with the Huntington Rose Garden Tea Room and now I was going to make her come back to the present, but not after making a little stop along the way — circa 1986.

As I’ve learned… dating is about creating memorable and fun experiences together… and we needed outfits!

So I took her to a thrift shop.  Although she kept on asking: “Are you sure you want to do this? Don’t you just want to see a movie?,”  I knew she was secretly into it.

She tried on at least 10 dresses and even went into getting the details of the outfit right — trying on bows, insisting on having red stockings, or wearing shoes that she found uncomfortable (“Oh great, they’re a Cinderella fit”).  And of course, she had her fun dressing me up in ridiculous moon pants and a priceless, green Members Only Jacket.

We were finally ready for the party!

Surprisingly when we got there, no one else was really dressed up with the exception of the host and hostess.

WTF?!?  We looked at each other with dumbfounded faces while walking in with our big bags of clothes.

“Hey, we’ve already got the outfits.  We’ve got to do this!”

She went along.

The house was sort of loft style with a big living room at the ground floor and a dramatic staircase that ascended to the second and top floors, both of which looked out on the living room.

She went upstairs to the top floor while I went to move the car.  When I returned, I went upstairs to find her with her sexy 80’s style black prom dress already on.   I changed into my ridiculous moon pants and jacket and downstairs we went, holding hands, to make our grand entrance.

I was happy.  I was having fun.  She looked stunning but apparently, her beauty was no match for my moon pants.  Everyone, and I do mean everyone… came up to compliment me and inquire on where on earth I got those “awesome” pants.

Throughout the course of the party, I found myself more attracted to her.  We mingled, had some drinks and I liked seeing how she interacted with my friends.  It didn’t hurt that I really enjoyed having her by my side holding my hand and caressing my back.

As the party wound down, I took her back upstairs to get changed… except, not much changing got done.  I wanted her so badly.  I could just feel the tension between us just wanting to be released.  As she and I sat down on the floor sorting our clothes, I pulled her close to me and kissed her.

Awwhhh, the feeling of her lips on mine…

As our lips interlocked, I climbed on top of her and laid her down on the floor.  We wrestled furiously — 1980’s style.  She took a breather to use the restroom.  I went to close the bedroom door.  As she came back, I grabbed her and pulled her onto the bed.

“You’re crazy,” she told me, noting the door got closed.

That didn’t seem to deter her either way.  Within a few minutes, someone walked in on us.  I couldn’t believe it!  It felt so high school!  We laughed, gathered our things and rushed back to the car, still in costume.

“You know, it may look small… but the back seat of my car is really comfortable!”

She shook her head, “You’re crazy!”

“Come back here with me,” I softly suggested.

“No way…” she laughed, yet she joined me back there anyway.

“I just want to lay here next to you,” I told her.  I wanted to feel her body tightly pressed against mine.  She could see the glimmer of desire in my eyes.  As she climbed back, the look on her face was priceless —  I can’t believe I’m doing this.

I have a two-door car and it’s not exactly the size of a Cadillac back there.  Good thing she was on the petite side.  She fit snugly on top of me and placed her head on my chest.  We lay there fairly motionless for about five minutes until we started kissing.

Things were getting more intense.  When being so close to someone, you can’t help but feel an immense rush.  I could sense the raw energy flowing through our bodies.  As the kissing continued, I started to feel my way down through her stockings and into her panties, only to discover how wet she was.

I got so excited.

I pulled her stockings off and flung them away, putting my hand back to feel the warmth between her legs.  I continued to play.  The heavy breathing began.

“What is it that you want?” she moaned.

“I want to turn you on.” I told her in a mischievous and sensual tone.

“You’ve already got that,” she replied.

I soon couldn’t take it any more.  Playing with her made me so hard and so desirous of her.  Our heavy breathing fogged up all of the windows.  Although it was cold outside, it was warming up inside.

There she was, lying down across the back seat.  Her legs were gently open and her moan was the most inviting sound I’ve ever heard.  I had to have her.  I had to have her now…  I put my hand down my pants, ready to whip out my cock.

This was going to be the moment, the moment we both were yearning for, the moment we fully indulge in our romantic passion.  At the exact moment that I clenched it, I felt the need to blow my nose.  There was no way I was going to stop to get a Kleenex from the front seat.

Without much thought, I wiped my nose on my white t-shirt.  Out of nowhere, from the corner of my eye, I see…

BLOOD!!!  A lot of it!

FUUUUUUUCK!!!  What perfect timing!  It was starting to gush.  I couldn’t let it get on everywhere, and definitely not on her!  I leaped to the front seat glove box to get a tissue and propped the front door open.

I needed some air… badly!

“What’s wrong?,” she said.

After about of minute of me holding my head back and squeezing my nose to stop the bleeding, I just started laughing.

“What’s so funny?!?”  she asked.  “Actually, what’s not funny about this situation?”  She added.

She was right.  As much as I wanted her, there we were,two people in our late 20’s and early 30’s,  in 1980’s costumes, in the back seat of my car, her panties off, the door propped open and blood on my shirt.

What’s not to laugh about?

I’ll never forget this night.

HAHHAHAHAHAHA!  I hope you can stop laughing after reading this story.  I sure couldn’t when he told me what happened.  Dating is definitely an adventure.  If you are not having your own dating adventures, what are you waiting for?

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