12 Reasons Why You Don’t Date Well
Posted by Khiem in: Articles

Everyone is different.  Everyone is a unique case.

When I meet a client, I love learning about who they are and where they come from.  I take pride in just listening to their stories and deepest darkest insecurities.

I usually feel humbled by their own experiences but also very privileged that they trust that kind information to me.  It is important to me to really understand who you are before I can coach you because in the end, no matter what we work on together, I don’t want you to become another me.

I want you to be  you… the most attractive, cool and confident you.

However, it’s always interesting to hear my clients think that their romantic problems are unique to themselves.  You know what?  You are not alone!  A lot of other people face the same fears.

Dig deep insider of you.  Are you afraid of liking women?  Are women scary to you?  Does sex scare you?

Are You Afraid of Women?

There’s actually a reason why I prefer group coaching sessions instead of private ones.  During a group bootcamp, clients have the chance to learn from each other.

Instead of comparing themselves to me or David Wygant who’ve both already gone through our own shares of pains and tribulations, they get to see other people in their own shoes.  They get to see how other people have learned from their own mistakes and how they overcame their own limiting beliefs.

It’s group therapy!

The key to romantic success is simpler than they believe.  Guys who come for coaching all have the same debilitating fears that prevent them from having the best dating lives they can want.  In no particular order:

  1. Women need to be impressed, courted or won over… aka… I don’t think I am good enough for her
  2. Women don’t like sex… aka… I’m afraid of liking women for sex / I’m ashamed of my sexuality
  3. Women don’t like sex with me… aka… I don’t think I’m good in bed
  4. Women don’t want to be talked to or disturbed… aka… I have nothing to bring to the conversation
  5. Women have it easier in dating… aka… I don’t believe I actually have the power of choice
  6. Meeting someone is hard… aka… I don’t like to or know how to socialize with strangers
  7. Sex with a woman implies she’ll expect a committed relationship with you… aka… I confuse gender roles with sexual polarity/tension
  8. She has to be “the one”… aka… I don’t believe in abundance and therefore put her on a pedestal and fantasize about how great she is instead of really knowing how she is.
  9. Women like to be chased… aka… I believe women have the power and just use men
  10. A date or a phone number is a big deal… aka…  I am not comfortable or has little experience with being with a woman alone
  11. Hotter women are bitchier or are harder to get… aka… I don’t understand women’s emotional wiring AND I am insecure about why a woman would like me
  12. Women are hypocrites.  They always wait for men to initiate contact, why don’t they approach men too?… aka… I refuse to embrace my role as a man who recognizes the power and understands the advantage of making the first move

I’m sure there are more you can come up with but off the top of my head, those were the most common ones I remember.

In today’s post, I won’t tell you how to overcome these limiting beliefs but I want to ask you to evaluate yourself right now.  I want you to try to find your own answers.

  • Are you subconsciously creating and upholding negative filters of your social and romantic experiences?
  • Are your current beliefs conducive to you achieving the romantic goals you have for yourself?
  • If not, what kind of activities or experiences are you pursuing in life that would help you create new, more productive and “better suited” beliefs?

Attraction can be achieved through two things:  your lifestyle and/or your personality.

As of right now, for you to achieve your romantic goals, what should you work on first:  your life (getting a certain amount of life and work experiences, in other words becoming more interesting) or your game (your personality and ability to evoke emotions)?

Until next time!

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