March 28th, 2011  (0)
Get Out Of Your Head, Reality Isn’t Always As It Seems
Posted by Khiem in: Articles, First Impressions

People must be liking the new direction I’m taking with the blog.

Today, inspired by my “First Impressions” series of blogs (first couple stories are here and here), Donnie wants to share a personal story.  He is going to talk about how to not let the monkey chatter cloud your mind and make the best out of your first few interactions with someone.

If you have a an insightful and entertaining story you want to share that truly speaks of how people really think while dating or socializing, email me.  I don’t think you need “gurus” to show you how to date better.  When it comes to improving your chances at meeting and attracting the people you want in your life, I believe we can all learn from each other if we shared more of our experiences with one another.

And Kiss N’ Tale is the place for you to do that!

Right now, the series is about “first impressions” or “first love/lust.”  I also would love people to write about bad sex, interracial dating or being too much of a nice guy.

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Have I been wrong all along?  Back track to a few months ago, to when I was just starting to open myself up and really put myself out there to meet people, everything I saw was what I believed to be real.

I’d work myself up the courage to go and talk to the cute girl behind the counter at the coffee shop and rather than just placing my order, I would talk to her and see what she is all about.  We’d have a good fun conversation that would last for a good few minutes depending on how many people were in line (usually I went up when there was no line) or until I had exhausted the conversation and felt like I had left a good impression.

So what happened the next time I saw her?

I’d walk into the coffee shop and I’d instantly look to see if she was working that day.  When I saw her and she’d look up at me and then look back at what she was doing, all I could think about was:  “Did I creep her out?” “Does she not remember me?” “Should I just leave?”.  Explosions of monkey chatter would go off in my head when in reality, she was just working and being focused on her job, nothing personal.

Monkey Chatter

Do you find yourself “expecting” things from women?  When you think about it, how many times have you not talked to a girl because she didn’t show immediate bubbly enthusiasm that you were in her presence?

What you see is not what you always get. (more…)

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    August 3rd, 2009  (5)
The Math Of Meeting Women
Posted by Khiem in: Articles

I haven’t written on my blog in a while… and I haven’t forgotten about it.  I just haven’t been inspired as much.

I used to write a lot on topics related to the teachings of the Pickup Artists but ever since I started working with David Wygant, I’m starting to care less and less about what PUAs believe or teach.

The truth is… meeting women isn’t that hard.  If you’ve been submerged in the PUA Community for a while, everything they tell you makes meeting women sound really really really hard.

You got to be alpha!  You got to lead!  You got to peacock!  You got to be fun!  You got to touch more!  You got to plough through her bitch shield/resistance!

Have you ever stopped and thought:  Damn, that’s a fucking lot of “you got to do x, or y or z”!!!  You really got to wonder…  Men have been hooking up with women since the dawn of time, how did they do it before?  Shiiiiit, how did your parents do it?

If I was to listen and believe everything PUAs teach, it’d seem that women are trying to do EVERYTHING in their power not to hook up with you.

The reality is… women DO want to meet you.  Women do want to hang out with you.  Women do want to hook up with you.  But do you really believe that?  Are you too much in your head to really notice?

It’s really not that hard!  If you’ve been reading and using PUA material for a year or more and you still haven’t been able to date and hook-up occasionally with some women, maybe you are trying too hard!

Ask yourself:  Are you nice?  Are you a little bit cool, fun or interesting?  Are you normal (aka fun and non-creepy)?

You really don’t need a PhD in the latest PUA technology to be that, do you?

I’ll tell you right now what’s important:  do you have a minimum level of social lifestyle.  Do you go out?  Do you have hobbies?  Can you make friends?

If you can make friends, you can meet women!

And if you can make female friends, you should be able to go on dates.  Being able to make friends with women means that women find you safe and fun enough to hang with you.  And if so, why aren’t you going on dates?  And I’m not talking about group dates either.  Are you going out alone, 1-on-1 with her?

If you go out on dates enough, you should be able to get laid.  You may not be getting laid like a rock star but you are getting laid!  Make the math yourself.

1 date per week = 4 dates per month

Do you know what is the average amount of dates women claim they have before having sex with a man?  Three!

So assuming you are pretty normal, pretty chill and you go out with the same woman once a week, you connect with her well and you don’t do anything super wrong to actually turn her off… well lookee lookee here, you might just have gotten some!  You just got laid!!!

Let me pull out my calculator again.  So… if my genius calculations are correct, you just got laid at least once a month based on the assumption that most men and women hook up by the third date.

And notice this:  if you go out with her every week, you actually have a spare 4th week.  The 4th week is your margin of error… in case she wants to wait a bit longer and you need a 4th date to get intimate with her… or who knows, maybe plans didn’t pan out on one of the weeks or one of you just got sick or tired one week.

This is the most common and fairly conservative take I could give you on a realistic semi-active dating life.

If you are any good, you can probably have more than one date per week.  If you’re fun, you and her may actually hang out more than once a week after the first one or two dates.  Your chances of getting some can only increase if you become more proactive in your social life or if you fix your bad dating habits.

So how hard is it really to meet women?

Quite frankly, from working with David Wygant, the 2 most common problems I’ve found with men and their dating life are:

  1. Having an active enough social life that is conducive to meeting women
  2. Knowing how to turn a woman on

Most men think they need to build killer inner game to approach women… killer confidence… alpha-esque demeanor or witty James Bond-like conversational skills but the reality is:

Get a social lifestyle!!!  That will take care of your ability to meet women.  The more comfortable you find yourself doing the things you love, the less likely you are to freeze up when you want to talk to a woman because you are in your own environment!  It’s really a comfort level thing.  Like David said in his Men’s Mastery Series, choose 5 locations that you go often to… and start socializing there.  Get to know people.  Start with small talk.  You’ll eventually talk to the women that go there and it will all feel easy.

As far as learning how to turn a woman on, most of that takes care of itself if you hang around enough women… or better… if you hang around enough guys who are cool and attractive.  Most cool guys know how to flirt with women.  Just watch them… and soon enough, you’ll end up emulating them without knowing it.

If you have to take an academic approach to learning how to turn women on, watch a lot of sex educational videos and read more on sexual psychology.  Turning a woman on is like a dance.  You just have to learn how to lead her mind and body.  You have to create a safe environment for her to express her sexual side to you.  You got to talk directly to how she feels about herself.  It’s not rocket science.

So seriously, for the guys out there who are really struggling, stop reading so much about pickup.  Go out there and make it easier on yourself to meet women by being normal and learning to just talk.  Just say something.

You don’t get extra points for doing fancy crazy approaches or make outs in the middle of the street or club.  You don’t get extra points for being super duper confident a la Pickup Artist.

All you want is a nice girlfriend, right?  All you want is to get a little bit of action, right?

Well get out there and be normal!

Surprisingly, most women are looking for that normal, yet fun easy going guy.  Ask the damn women!  They’ll tell you.  There are more creepy guys out there than you think.

You aren’t THAT bad!

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    June 4th, 2008  (0)
Is She Worth Approaching?
Posted by Khiem in: Articles, Podcast

I love it when someone wants to write a guest post on my blog.

There are lot of guys out there who have something good to say about meeting women and they don’t all charge something for sharing their knowledge.

Today, I have Robert Z from www.MasteringTheArtOfAttraction.com wanting to talk about the mindset you should have when you approach a woman.  After talking with him by email, I learned to appreciate the maturity he has that only comes with age.  In his 40s, he has the experience to truly understand what guys go through when they are trying to learn to get better at this whole dating game.

Robert likes to focus on giving pragmatic advice on how shy guys can build up their self-esteem with strong inner game techniques.  He’s an advisor on Zan Perrion‘s Natural Game forums so I’m more than happy to have him stop by to share his knowledge.  I’ve recently met Zan at the PUA Summit this year and I just love his work.

It’s always easy for someone to tell you what to do when you approach.  Say this, do that… but it’s harder to teach you the right vibe.

At the beginning, you might need to learn WHAT to say… but eventually, you should really focus more on HOW to say things and how you should perceive yourself and the woman in the situation at hand.  The way you deliver your lines and your body language projects a certain image, a certain vibe that once you get down pat, makes it SUPER easy to meet and attract people. 

You’d be surprised how people react to energy and vibe way more than words.

The funny thing is that vibe has to come from within.  You can very rarely fake it.  Even if (more…)

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