July 10th, 2012  (0)
HBO Girls Season 1 Finale (Episode 10) Review
Posted by Khiem in: Advice, Podcast

I have a treat for you today!  Here’s the long overdue guy commentary to the incredible HBO Girls’ season finale!!!

Every week, I keep telling myself that I need to keep the podcast short, but with so much content in each episode, I just can’t seem to do so, especially with this one!  As expected, we were treated to some real surprises in episode 10, aptly entitled “She Did.”  Today, I spend close to an hour going over everything that drove me crazy in the episode and also everything that you can learn about embodying better, more confident behaviors.

Here are some of the topics I cover:

  • How it’s healthier to focus on productive thoughts rather than negative ones like guilt, self doubt, fear, judgment… for you to keep growing personally
  • How having a life philosophy or strong values you stand for can help you create a strong impressions on people.  Are you branding yourself?  Are you creating themes in your life?  What are you saying about yourself to the world?
  • How you can practice spontaneous storytelling by using a word generator
  • Why being overtly sexual only works when you are bold and can follow through with decisively strong intent
  • How to harness your own personal power by meaning the words that you say and by harnessing your edge
  • How keeping your cool ease people into trusting you more, opening up to you and allowing themselves to be led by you
  • How fear is a natural driving force in life and how the way you deal with it defines you
  • How what you say to people reflect how you feel about yourself… and that’s how people will perceive you
  • How to get over fear by taking small steps until you get past the uncomfortable feeling
  • Why you need to be mindful and aware of not only seeing but seizing opportunities when they present themselves

There’s a lot of golden nuggets in here.  Take notes and tell me what else you want to hear.  If you send me an email with questions, I may answer it live on the next podcast!

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    June 15th, 2012  (0)
HBO Girls Season 1 Episode 9 Review
Posted by Khiem in: Articles, Podcast, Product Reviews

This past Sunday’s episode 9 of HBO “Girls”, entitled “Leave Me Alone,” didn’t have a lot of dating themes but it was still exciting for me to watch it as I recognized a lot of my own doubts and insecurities from way back when.

The episode starts with Hannah going to a book launch event in honor of her former classmate Tally Schiffrin.  Immediately, Hannah starts the self loathing as she tries to process how Tally  (who’s supposedly a worse writer) could have managed to publish her own memoir “Leave Me Alone.”

I guess for Tally, having a boyfriend who killed himself on purpose by crashing his vintage car while on Percocet is enough of a base to write a memoir on but for Hannah, it becomes the basis for her jealousy. “She’s so lucky,” laments Hannah. “Your boyfriend should kill himself,” says Jessa. “You deserve it.”

Whether Jessa meant that or not, I couldn’t help but laugh.  The more I get to know Jessa, the more I become fond of her.  Marnie may be the motherly figure in Hannah’s life but Jessa is the only one who seems to not take Hannah too seriously and knows when to call her out.

Writing this now makes me realize why Jessa is such a great flirt.  The carelessness, aloofness, spontaneity in her attitude on life is what makes her most attractive.  Lots of people take dating too seriously and turns each new conversations into an interview and a chore instead of keeping things light and fun.

Skipping ahead, I want to express my love for Ray as well.  Ray started as a supporting character but I could see him develop into a a more leading role.  I am still waiting for him and Shoshanna to develop some form of romantic connection.  As it seems, Hannah is taking a job at Cafe Grumpy and Ray delivers his best lines as he sends her home to change her outfit.  I guess no one told Hannah that wearing a white dress to work in the food service is a big faux pas.

Hannah and Ray discussing outfit no-nos in the food industry

“Hannah, you are wearing a white dress!  Ok?  You’re essentially begging the world to fuck with you,” says Ray.  “Do you understand that?  You are daring a homeless person to wipe their blood on your breasts…  Forget all of the BBC you watch at home with your cats and pick out an appropriate outfit.”

Ray must be the most real guy on the show so far.  His few moments on screen have always been the most enjoyable for me.  His no-nonsense attitude is what makes him so relatable.  If Hannah is the voice of her generation, Ray is the voice of every guy out there as he reminds Hannah to pick “Just a nice cute top.”  “Stop by American Apparel if you need to and get a slim leg, jeans with a slim leg!  Slim leg!”

To finish off the episode, we witness a break-up between two of the major characters.  I don’t want to spoil it for you so go watch it and come back and listen to my podcast.

In this review, I speak about:

  • Comparing yourself to others vs being happy with yourself
  • When self-deprecating humor is detrimental to your dating chances of success
  • How people’s expectations of you influence you for the better or the worse
  • How mending your relationship with your parents can be a necessary step in your growth into a confident person
  • What women might be looking from you when they share, whine and complain about their day to you
  • Being grateful and taking chances in life
  • Doing more of the things you haven’t tried before.  If you aren’t doing things that are uncomfortable to you, you are not growing.
  • When to give out your house key to your significant other
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    May 8th, 2012  (0)
Why You Shouldn’t Worry So Much About Other People’s Thoughts Of You
Posted by Khiem in: Advice, Articles

Today, I got a good reminder lesson for myself.  It’s actually a lesson that I feel a lot of people should learn early on in life hopefully:

Don’t worry so much about what other people think or do.

I know it’s common.  Deep inside, we all want to be liked.  So we look to other people, our family, our friends, our peers to gain insight into our own selves, to validate us, to tell us that we are alright.  We spend a lot of time worrying about what other people may think of us, how they may judge us.

I remember feeling that anxiety the most when I just turned 30.  I’m 32 now, as of a few days ago.  Back then, I started comparing myself a lot to my friends.  What have I achieved so far in my life?  How are my friends doing?  How come I’m not where they are at?  Shouldn’t I be married already?  How come all my friends seem to be settling down already?  Is something wrong with me?

I think it’s natural to self reflect from time to time.  It can be healthy to want to know how people perceive us.  It’s a sign of maturity in self-awareness… Sometimes, it can be a decent quantifiable gauge of whether we are going in the right direction.  But sometimes, it does get out of hand.  So today, I want to remind everyone:  please please please don’t let people’s perception of you dictate what you do so much.

In dating, this is even that much more important.

It was endearing, really.  I felt like a big brother.  I was listening to him, smiling inside. He was so eager to ask me questions.  He has never met a guy who did dating coaching before.  I was waiting on a friend to be done with his work so we  started chatting.  He was Asian, just like myself.  I looked at him in quiet amusement.  He was 19, decently good looking, with high cheek bones and his long, black, straight hair pulled back behind a bandana.

As soon as he learned of what I did, he opened up to me about his situation.  He was seeing a girl.  It’s been a couple months…  But everything seems to have gone too fast, he said.

– What do you mean, “too fast”?, I asked.

– …like the second date

– Who’s to say that’s too fast?  Based on what?

– Well, I feel that’s all that we might do.  I talked to my roommate a long time last night.  He and I agreed that I’m the rebound guy.  I’m OK with that.  But how do you know if you are JUST the rebound guy?

– So what if you are just the rebound guy?

– I dunno…  What does she want?  My roommate and I talked all night.  We kept on wondering what she wants.

– Why is it so important for you to define the relationship?

–  Shouldn’t you?  I think it’s important.  Don’t girls like that?  Well, I want to know.  What if I wanted to be more than the rebound guy?  When I met her, she just broke up with her boyfriend.

–  OK and…?  […] Do you like her?

– Yea… I do.  But she’s going to Spain in a few weeks.  Does that count?  How does she see me?

– Well, what do you want?

– Hmm… I dunno.

–  Do you want more?

– I dunno.  I dunno yet.

– That’s your problem right there.  Why are you so worried about what she wants when you don’t even know what you want.

– I dunno.  I never thought of it like that.  My roommate and I… we just kept on going in circles wondering what she wants.

– You can only know what you can do or who you can be once you know what you want.  Think of it this way.  If you are going on a business deal, you want something from the other person.  What do you bring to the table?  What do you have to offer?  If you don’t know what you want, there’s no negotiation you can have with what the other person wants.   So going back to your original question, as of right now, you can be whatever you want!  You just need to know what you want first.

– Yeaaa!…. it makes sense.

–  And with her, the only thing is… you might have to change the nature of what you do with her just to make sure she sees you the way you want her to see you.  For example, make sure that when you hang out with her, you don’t go straight to the bedroom.  That way, it will allow her to see you in a new light and it will allow you to discover different sides of her as well.  That’s how you develop the connection that will create the potential for a relationship, assuming that’s what you want.  Just one thing though, don’t be too nice.

Miley Cyrus Sticking Out Her Tongue

– What do you mean?  Why can’t I be nice?  Why is it that everyone says that?  I’ve noticed that when I date girls I’m not totally into, I’m not super nice.  But with girls I like, I tend to be really nice.

– Again, that’s because you worry too much about what other people think of you, here with what she thinks of you.  You want her to like you.  It’s not that you can’t be nice. Just don’t put her on a pedestal.  Let me put it this way.  If you met a fat girl… scratch that, even a hot girl that really really really liked you and was super nice to you all-the-time.  How do you feel?

– It’s weird.  It’s awkward.

– Why?

– I dunno.  It doesn’t feel natural.

– Exactly.  That’s because no one wants to be on someone else’s pedestal.  It doesn’t feel right.  When you are being too nice, it’s not real.  People know that.  It’s not the real you.  It’s not genuine.  So if you want a a chance at a relationship with her and you base it on you not being real or genuine…

– It’s not going to work.  It’s not gonna be sustainable!

– [smile]  You got it.  Don’t worry though, this will pass with age.  As you get better with dating, you’ll worry less about what other people think so you can be more of yourself.  Right now, I’m sure that’s why you and your guy friends probably talk about who does what with who. You want to be liked by them and without knowing it, you try to outdo each other.  You aren’t really trying to impress girls, you are trying to impress guys!

– Yeah, that’s true!  I don’t know why we do that.

– Again, that’s because you worry too much about what people think of you.

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