August 17th, 2012  (1)
The Player & The Art Of Seduction
Posted by Khiem in: Advice, Articles, First Impressions

I was about to post the new podcast for MTV’s Guy Code episode 4 but instead, I thought I’d share something else with you today.  If you’ve been following my blog, you’ll notice that we’ve had a couple discussions on what it means to be a player or what seduction is all about in our recent podcasts.

When I say “player,” I don’t always mean it with the typical negative connotation that most people have.  What I mean by it is the letting out of the sensual lover side that is innate in you.


I personally love to hear other people’s take on the art of seduction and I discovered this little post randomly on a while ago.  I was saving it for the right time to share it with you and today is the day.  It doesn’t seem that the original author still has it posted on her site but it is such a beautiful written piece that I feel we all need to read it for ourselves.

For your enjoyment, here’s a woman’s take on what it takes to seduce a woman.

[Editor’s Note:  I took the liberty to bold and italicize certain phrases]

The Player & The Art of Seduction

The first step to seducing a woman is to win over her mind, try to appear as genuine as you can and don’t feed her lines. A real player knows that rewards only come for those who are patient.

Now ladies, a player is not a man who gets his own and leaves a trail of broken hearts, a player is not someone who jumps from one bed to the next. A real player, is someone who lives his life like a legend, puts a woman into a passionate romance, and works his job like he built the entire company.

Seduction, is a game that forever requires leveling up. It is not lying or taking the first drunken girl back home or nagging a woman to death. It is an art and a skill. Most people will misunderstand it and think it is all about the money and the looks. Wrong. Boys you could think you’re perfect and measure up to all the others, because you have perfect teeth and a perfect body, but you are wrong and will sleep alone for a long time. If you think the amount of cash in your wallet does the trick you are wrong and your bed is a cold as your cash.

Seduction is founded on confidence. A man who does have any self confidence is nothing like a player. Without it, you’ll probably try to trap a girl with cheap pick up lines and a lame game, but honesty is more alluring to a woman as well as a man who is aware of what he truly wants who is solid and grounded.

Physical attraction is still important if you want to seduce a woman properly. You need to be well dressed and clean, you do not need to look like Brad Pitt or whoever, but you do need to look your best. I am sorry boys, but there is no second chance at first impression, and that is one thing that personally works with me. I will pay attention to it, but that doesn’t mean I am superficial for looking at the you’re dressed. Also, if you lack fashion sense, that is perfectly fine, but hygiene cannot be stressed out. Just consider good shoes, pressed pants and shirt and a classy watch. Class and seduction work together.

Harmlessness. Do not appear dangerous, this is not about high school anymore and you don’t need to be the Bad Boy anymore. Don’t expect her to give you the keys to her place, she will be cautious, but worth it. Also, smile but do not leer, do not objectify her body because a woman will notice when you are ignoring the words coming out of her mouth for her cleavage.

Charm! Seduction also is 10% projection of success, 10% appearance, 10% intelligence and 70% charm! But charm is another art, it means making a person aware that you feel good about them.

Intelligence. As a girl, I will want your mind before you body. Women are mental and emotional rather than visual and physical. Engage her thoughts and emotions with questions about who she is and what are her opinions. Don’t investigate too much or interview her, just start a thoughtful conversation. I am sorry but a man who sits next to me at a bar and starts saying random things and doesn’t know how to converse is a dick and will only make me want to get out. Avoid talking about sex, or previous relationships, that’s a real turn off.

Emotional seductiveness. That’s all in four words, excitement, excitement, excitement and spontaneity . Make her adrenaline rush without looking crazy of stalking her and she’ll be addicted to you. Women are creatures of emotions hence the estrogen hormone.

Chivalry. Most men think chivalry is dead. Wrong. That can also work in your favor if you do an act of a well trained gentleman like opening a door. I thought of it as pathetic for years because I was immature, but now it gets me all the time. Do it, I’ll like you. Learn etiquette. Conduct yourself with your best manners.

Sincerity and honesty. Be genuine, women can see the false interest easily.

Greatest turn-ons. Make her feel beautiful, all day every day. But don’t use it as a tool, so just don’t say it right before coming on to her and teasing her, or else she’ll figure out you want her sexually and only sexually.

Remember, a man paints with his brains, not with his hands.

Originally posted on

So now that you’ve done reading it, take a breather and read it again!  And when your mind starts wandering, post a few comments.

What does seduction mean to you?  What have you seen work for you or on you?  Let’s hear your stories.

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    December 13th, 2007  (0)
Women DO Know
Posted by Khiem in: Articles, Interviews

You’ve heard it from the Pick-Up Artist (PUA) Community before: 

When it comes to men, women don’t know what they want.

In some ways, it’s true.  Women (and men too) usually base their dating preferences on their past experiences so technically, they (and we as well) really don’t know what they (we) want.  Our preferences CAN change.  It just takes one new “different” experience to make that happen. 

On a similar topic, some PUAs have said that women don’t know how to express what they are attracted to in a way that is applicable and useful to a guy wanting to improve his dating life.  Again, it is sometimes true.  Some women give such vague advice that you really wouldn’t know how to use it without the proper context or mindset but once in a while, women can tell you how the game is played.

I personally like to ask women themselves about their thoughts on male-female dynamics.  You may be surprised at what they will teach you.  A lot of women may pretend that they don’t know you are “gaming” them but they really do!  And when you talk to enough women, you start seeing a recurring pattern in what they will tell you.

Below, I am going to share with you an instant messaging chat session that I’ve had with a girl I met a few weeks ago at a club/lounge.  After speaking with her for a few minutes, I found her delightfully charming.  She is the type of girl who displays a reserved, yet sexy appeal.  She knew everyone I met there that night.  She gave off a very lady-like, classy, graceful vibe and I would definitely consider her a high quality woman.  She’s not your senseless party girl.  She is in her early 30s, she runs/owns her own business and yes, she is hot.  To clarify, she also has no prior knowledge of teachings from the Seduction Community.

The conversation started with how she likes to flirt with a lot of guys but in case you didn’t know yet, flirting doesn’t always mean that the girl likes you for more than friends.

Her: i mean i’ll flirt with all sorts of guys
Her: but i see them as my friends
Me: You make me curious
Her: what? bout what?
Me: How would you pick “your man”?  How would your man makes you feel?
Her: i know this sounds crazy but there always need to be a tension with me n the guy i love
Her: where he would be fearful and love me at the same time. fearful as in fearful of losing me

If you read in between the lines, she really wants to see her man feel raw desire and passion for her.  It’s very arousing for a woman to know that you can’t help but WANT her and her alone.  Any good courtship should involve some sort of sexual tension but before you can even start there, you have to be intriguing.  You want to display some form of value.  You want to paint yourself in ways that captivate her.

Her: how i would pick my man is if he piques my curiosity
Her: n my head is obsessed with him (but he doesnt know that!)

With the conversation starting so well, I dug deeper.

Me: what does it mean when you finally confess: “I AM attracted to this man!”
Her: are u talking bout me defining it?
Her: or someone else saying it?
Her: cuz i always give the weirdest responses. haha.  not normal
Me: I want your answer
Me: I don’t want your general idea of what everyone else means!
Her: in the past, i would’ve said that i wanted to know everything bout him, but now, it really means i want to jump his bones n have his baby. haha
Her: but theres a difference bt attraction n compatibility
Her: i can be attracted to someone but dont want to be with them
Her: totally wrong for me
Her: ok, scratch that baby part
Her: its all mental for me
Her: the attraction has to do with sexual libido.

This is really interesting.  Her answer is very consistent with a lot of the sexually mature women I have spoken with.  Any women who were 26+ of age and to whom I have asked this question have said the exact same thing.  If a girl admits to being attracted to you, she wants sex with you.  However, notice that she also added something very important:  “it’s all mental for me”.  So if you want to have a woman, you have to be able to seduce her mind.  You have to be able to stimulate her mentally.  I let her continue.

Her: but of course, i dont jump his bones.
Her: if i really, really like someone, i am very distant to them. n i take my time

I was very intrigued by this new information.  Why wouldn’t she want to indulge in the carnal pleasures of a man she feels attracted to?  I asked for more.

Me: could it be b/c you are afraid to opening too fast?
Her: i hold the tension as long as i can. make both of us go crazy
Her: right
Her: bc i need to set the bar high
Me: or is it b/c you really want him to make it safe for you to open and feel that desire
Her: no, doesnt matter
Her: to me, there are no rules n boundaries
Her: but i wait n buy my time
Her: bc i like the rewards to be the best. n the ultimate. 
Her: bc if u jump the guys bones too soon, u depreciate it

After a little bit of random chatter, we commented on people who have sex quickly.

Her: ppl who are insecure think that if they dont give all of themselves soon, the other party will lose interest

Re-read that:  “ppl who are insecure think that if they dont give all of themselves soon, the other party will lose interest”.  I sometimes feel that parts of the Pick-Up Community encourages guys to bed women too quickly.  It’s probably stemming from the “fake it until you make it” mentality:  “Oh no… I better bed that girl soon before she finds out I’m really not that cool of a guy.”

For some guys, this is an unhealthy mindset to uphold.  I understand that laying a lot of women quickly is a lifestyle choice but it has to be something you desire.  For the majority of “nice guys” who are just trying to improve their dating success, there is NOTHING wrong with taking your time.  The psychology of attraction is the same whether you take 1 night to get the girl or 3 months to do so.

However, as you gain a better understanding of sexuality and as you develop strong and real inner game, quick lays become a choice that you may decide to embrace… not because you are told to do so but because you finally realize that sex is just the beginning.  It gets better with time.  As my natural friend Marc once told me:

You can’t truly understand and love a woman until you experience her fully… both physically and mentally. 


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